(My six-year-old daughter is the last one in her grade to still have all of her baby teeth. )
Daughter: “Mom, am I ever going to lose a tooth?”
Me: “I promise you, you will.”
Daughter: “But WHEN?!”
Me: “I don’t know, but probably soon.”
Daughter: “I think it’s never going to happen. I think all of my teeth have their seatbelts on, and they are tightly fastened!”
(I have just gotten into anime and manga.)
Me: “I’ve been reading manga, dad. It’s really interesting.”
Dad: “Isn’t that for people who can’t read that well?”
Me: “Actually, you have to be able to read pretty well to follow it.”
(He has the assumption that all manga is about ‘demons and ritual sacrifice’. I’m trying to describe the manga I’ve been reading.)
Me: “So, it’s about two brothers—”
Dad: “Ah ha! And I’ll bet one sacrifices the other!”
Me: “—and they’re trying to bring back their mother through alchemy—”
Dad: “Ah ha! Alchemy! And one sacrifices the other for the mother?”
Me: “No, dad. Anyway, it goes wrong, and one loses his leg while the other loses his body—”
Dad: “See? Sacrifice!”
Me: “—so the remaining brother sacrifices his arm to attach his brother’s soul to some armor—”
Dad: “See? Sacrifice and alchemy!”
(I stop trying to explain.)
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(My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed. I keep trying to get out of bed, but he keeps wrapping his arm around me.)
Me: “Stop it! I wanna get out!”
Fiancé: “But I wanna cuddle you!”
Me: “Jeez, you’re like a Tentacool using wrap!”
Fiancé: “Tentacool used wrap! You can’t escape!”
(He tries to cuddle me again.)
Me: “Aha! I have the ability Rough Skin! [Fiance’s name] was hurt!”
Fiancé: “…d*** it.”
(He actually lets me go!)
(I am on a Skype call with my long distance boyfriend. We haven’t talked for a bit, and I eventually hear deep breathing on the other end.)
Me: “Are you falling asleep?”
Boyfriend: “Hm? No, I was just listening to music. I went into Zen mode.”
Me: “Oh, sorry for breaking you out of it!”
Boyfriend: “It’s alright! You can break me out of anything. Especially prison… if I ever get caught.”
Me: “What for?”
Boyfriend: “For stealing your heart!”
(I’m about three years old, and am obsessed with animals. Mammals, fish, birds, insects, I’m obsessed with them all. I add ‘-y’ to the type of animal, i.e. doggy, kitty, birdy, fishy. I’m in the backyard, ‘playing’ with a hornet. The hornet flies away, and I become upset and chase it.)
Me: “Come back, Horny! Horny!”
(25 years later, my mother still bursts into uncontrollable laughter.)
