Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 3

| Romantic | January 5, 2012

(I roll over and hug him.)

Me: “I love you, babe.”

Him: *completely asleep, smiling* “Mmhmm. The equivalence of two point five and a half hamburgers!”

(I laugh hysterically while trying not to wake him up.)

 

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Needs More Than Just A New Color

| Romantic | January 5, 2012

(I’ve just come home from getting my hair done at the hairdressers.)

Him: *eyeballing my suspiciously* “You look different.”

Me: “Mmm-hmm?”

(I wait for him to mention the new hair colour.)

Him: “Yeah. You look…beautiful?”

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Hair-Raising A Baby

| Related | January 5, 2012

(My husband, baby, and I are getting ready for an 80’s party at our neighbor’s house. My mom has just stopped by unexpectedly.)

Mom: “As I was hanging up the phone, I heard you say ‘Ah, my mom’s coming!’ Why?”

Me: “No reason.”

Mom: “Wait, why are you dressed like that? Is the baby wearing hairspray?! Let me take a picture of you guys! You look hilarious!”

Me: “Okay, sure.”

Mom: *to the baby* “Look buddy, I have evidence now. I can probably make a strong case to take custody of you based on this picture alone.”

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Hard To Digest Facts

| Related | January 5, 2012

(My boyfriend is staying over for dinner. Later in the evening, he has to go to the bathroom. He is taking a while.)

Mom: *whispering to me* “Is he okay in there?”

Me: “I’m sure he’s fine.”

Mom: “What’s he doing in there?”

Me: *uncomfortable and confused* “Mom, he’s probably taking a number two.”

Mom: “Why is he doing that?”

(At this point, I have no idea what her problem is. I can’t find a way to answer this politely.)

Me: “Because, he has a functional digestive system?”

Mom: *angry and embarrassed* “Stop talking to me like that! Don’t be smart!”

(I share this conversation with my boyfriend after he is done with his business. He is now scared to take a number two in the same house as my mother.)

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Haven’t Made It Past The Rainbow

| Related | January 4, 2012

(My mom and I are watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ on TV.)

Mom: “It’s been colorized.”

Me: “Well, yea. But it was colorized originally. It was always in color. That was their big selling point.”

Mom: “I remember it was black and white whenever I saw it as a kid.”

Me: “Uh, did you watch it on television?”

(Mom’s light-bulb goes on.)

Mom: “Of course, we had a black-and-white TV!”

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