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Pay Him To Keep Quiet As A Mouse

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m the customer in this one. I drop a quarter in my kitchen and it rolls under the stove. Shining my flashlight under the stove to find it, I’m mortified to see the body of a mouse, staring glassy-eyed back at me. I call a pest control company and the exterminator arrives the next morning.)

Exterminator: “So, I’ll just check under your stove, get rid of the dead rodent, and I’ll check for signs of any current infestation.”

Me: *as the exterminator looks under the stove* “Thank you. I try to keep things clean, and I worry about my little boy crawling around on the floor when there’s-”

Exterminator: “Sir?”

Me: *surprised at being interrupted* “Yes?”

Exterminator: “Here’s your mouse.”

(He holds up a little cat toy: a cloth mouse, complete with shiny little plastic eyes.)

Me: “How much do I owe you for the trip? And how much extra to never, ever, tell anyone?”

A Very Tech Supportive Outcome

| Pittsburg, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Technology

(I’m the customer in this scenario. I’ve gotten a new computer and am having troubles with the speakers so I call tech support. While on hold I’m fiddling with the computer. The tech support girl comes on right as I realize the problem.)

Me: “No! NOOO!”

Tech Support: *sounding alarmed* “Ma’am?”

Me: “Right as you picked up, I realized what the problem is… The plugs are in the wrong jacks.”

Tech Support: *laughing* “I see. Is there anything else I CAN’T help you with today?”

Me: “Maybe you could send somebody over to help me pick my dignity off the floor…”

Tech Support: *chuckling* “Sorry, ma’am. That’s not covered, unfortunately.”

That Last Customer Was An Odd Fish

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Wild & Unruly

(I get home from work and my fiancé has just finished up his shift, too.)

Me: “Hi! How was your day?”

Fiancé: “Well, the last customer that I spoke with today told me that if I didn’t tell him exactly what he wanted to hear that he would find out where I lived, fly to me, find a fish, and gently slap me with it.”

Me: “Well, we live in Florida, so at least you’d know the fish was fresh!”