Somebody Plays The Fool, Everytime

| Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(Our phone number is one digit off ¬†from a doctor’s office, so we get calls for them all the time.)

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: “Is this Dr. ******’s office?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you have the wrong number.”

Lady: “That’s impossible! Oh wait, I know what this is… this is some kind of April Fools’ joke!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can assure you that it is not.”

Lady: “Yeah, uh huh. You’re good, but I would like to make an appointment and I will not take no for an answer.”

Me: *sigh* “How is three-thirty?”

Lady: “Wonderful! See you scamps then.” *click*

Me, to my mom: “She told me I was playing an April Fools’ joke on her… in July.”

Talk To The Click

| Clermont-Ferrand, France | Uncategorized

(Having moved, I got a new phone number which previously belonged to a retail store in Clermont-Ferrand. I had already had a few calls for that store, so I knew the drill.)

Woman: “Hello, is this ***? I would like to know until when you are open.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you dialed a wrong number. *** doesn’t have this number anymore. I’m pretty sure they closed.”

Woman: “That’s not my problem! You didn’t answer my question. When do they close?”

Me: “No, seriously, you’re calling me at home here. I’m sure that if you look in the yellow pa–”

Woman: “Now look here, young man! I don’t have all day. Do you live in Clermont-Ferrand?”

Me: “Well, actually I do, but–”

Woman: “THEN TELL ME WHEN *** CLOSES! GO LOOK IT UP OR SOMETHING!”

Me: “Seriously?”

Woman: *calmly* “Yes.”

Me: “I’m hanging up now.”

Woman: “WHAT? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO–”

Me: *click*

Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

| Ringoes, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m at home, on Christmas Day with my family, eating dinner. Our number is similar to a floral shop in our town, so we’re constantly getting calls from customers.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?! I ORDERED MY FLOWERS FOR NOON ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND I DON’T HAVE THEM YET! WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER DELIVER MY FLOWERS RIGHT?! LAST YEAR, I…”

(I predicted a whole novel’s worth of stories, so I figured I would cut in…)

Me: “Sir! This isn’t the floral shop, you have the wrong number. This is *my number* and you just interrupted our Christmas dinner.”

Caller: “WELL, F*** YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNER!” *click*