Mother Needs To Get Her Facts Straight

| England, UK | Related | February 7, 2012

(I came out as gay to my family just over a year ago. My mum took an instant liking to it, and she now demands that we do stereotypically gay things together, which I detest. She is badgering me about her fashion sense and how she looks.)

Mum: “How does this top look? I think it tugs in all the wrong places. Should I take it back? I’m going to take it back.”

Me: *sigh* “It looks fine mum, honestly.”

Mum: “C’mon! Don’t lie to me. You gays are supposed to be catty and jump at a chance to insult a fatty like me!”

Me: “Mum, we’re not going into this again!”

Mum: “God, there’s no pleasing you! I think I got a defective gay. Is there a place I can trade you in for one who will come with me to the spa, have girly movie nights, and talk about boys over large tubs of ice cream?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s called the TV gay stereotype.”

Mum: “You’re not as fun as the gays on TV. At least they share naughty tips with bananas and stuff!”

Geography That’s Inconceivable

| LA, CA, USA | Related | February 7, 2012

Sister: “I hate those people that name their kids after where they were conceived.”

Mom: “Yeah. That’s annoying. Sydnee would be ‘New Orleans’…or ‘Honeymoon’.

Me: “Okay. Don’t need to know where I was conceived.”

Sister: “That actually has a ring to it. Honeymoon Horne.”

Mom: *chuckling* “Honeymoon, can you get me some coke?”

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Related | February 6, 2012

(I am Italian. My son is about 4-years-old. My 6-year-old daughter gives him an extra tea set she does not want. I walk into his room to find him with the tea set. It is set out with several toys; teddy bear, Batman, Power ranger, T-Rex, etc.)

Me: “So, are you having a tea party?”

(He looks at me rather quizzically. He holds up the pot and points to it.)

Son: “This is espresso!”

(I shed a tear and feel so proud, as espresso is so much a part of our family. He is in college now. The first thing I bought him for his dorm room: an espresso machine!)

 

You Have To Duet Yourself

| ME, USA | Romantic | February 6, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are listening some tracks from ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog’. A song comes on that I know, and I start to sing along.)

Boyfriend: “Who sings this?”

(I get excited, as I assume he’s asking because he likes it.)

Me: “Neil Patrick Harris.”

Boyfriend: “You should let him sing it.”

Not The Sound Of Music

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Related | February 6, 2012

(I’m listening to music with one ear-bud. My mom and I are on our laptops when she lets one rip.)

Me: “Mom!”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “You can’t blame that one on the dog.”

Mom: “Oh, I thought you had your headphones in!”

Me: “Not… always… related… .com… Add quote.”

Mom: “Is nothing sacred anymore!?”

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