(My dad loves teasing people. Almost everyone who knows us knows this, but newcomers are sometimes never sure if they should take him seriously. One of our good family friends has just gotten married.)
Friend #1: *to his wife* “Don’t worry; he’s just trolling you.”
My Dad: *grins unrepentantly* “I’ve been trolling people since before it was called trolling!”
Friend #1: “Yeah, back then we just called them a**-holes.”
(I am an eight-year-old girl. My family is having dinner.)
Dad: “So, what did you learn about in school today? Anything interesting?”
Me: “Yeah! We learned in science class about sea animals!”
Mom: “Sea animals, you mean like fish and clams?”
Me: “No, like octopus!”
Dad: “And what did you learn about them?”
Me: “That they have these really long arms; the teacher called them a funny name. Tent… test… testicles!”
Mom: *nearly spits out her mouthful*
Me: “What?”
Dad: “I don’t think that’s what you meant, honey.”
(My husband and I have been discussing something, and I make an assumption.)
Husband: “You know what they say about assuming something; it makes an a** out of you—”
Me: “—and me!” *I pause for a second* “No, wait…”
(I’m surfing the net while my mom is watching TV. I glance at the TV and see what looks like a low-budget horror movie.)
Me: “What’s this?”
Mom: “I don’t know; it’s a zombie movie.”
Me: “Yeah, I see that. What is it, though?”
Mom: “I don’t know. It’s Rise of the Dead or The Walking Dead.”
Me: “BLASPHEMY! I don’t know what this is, but it’s not The Walking Dead!”
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(It is before Google and Wikipedia are the go-to answers for everything. For a music class, I am supposed to create a taped recording of my research essay and have bits of the artist’s songs play at intervals. My topic is John Lennon.)
Me: “Dad, which of The Beatles is the lead singer for ‘Let it Be?'”
Dad: “Is this for your Lennon project?”
Me: “Yeah. I like the solo in the middle, but I don’t want to play a Paul song by mistake.”
Dad: “Make sure you include something about how important Lennon’s music was during the war years.”
Me: “I have in the essay. But I need to know—”
Dad: “You know, Lennon’s music had some major influence in how public opinion swayed during the Vietnam War.”
Me: “Yep. But I just—”
Dad: “You should use ‘Imagine.’ That is hands-down one of the most influential songs ever written. No doubt about that.”
Me: “I was planning that during the section on his solo years. But I just want to know who sings—”
Dad: “I actually heard of a cover of ‘Imagine’ on the radio the other day. A cover! No respect for a classic!”
Mom: *trying to talk over my dad* “Didn’t you look up The Beatles catalogue in your research?”
Me: “It only said it’s written by Lennon and McCartney.”
Dad: “‘Give Peace a Chance!’ A message we all still need to heed today!”
Me: “Uh-huh. I’ll settle for give listening a chance.”
This story is part of our Beatles roundup!
