(My seventh grade brother has been struggling to finish his homework, and my mom is getting increasingly frustrated.)
Mom: “That’s it! No dinner until you’re done! You can finish and eat dinner, or you can eat your homework!”
Brother: *stares at papers*
(My mom had to rush over and physically stop my brother as he literally started to eat his homework!)
(My husband and I are sitting on the couch. He has been bothering me to buy a specific food item for a couple of days, but I don’t want to go to the store for just one item. He makes a last, desperate attempt.)
Husband: *deadpan and in monotone* “You and me. And me and you. Together we shall buy a pie. A pie for two.”
(I took him out for pie immediately.)
(If you say something at the same time as another person, you have to call ‘jinx.” If you lose the jinx you have to stay quiet until the other person says your name. My boyfriend and I kiss.)
Boyfriend & Me: “I love you!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend & Me: “Jinx!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend & Me: “Double Jinx!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend & Me: “Triple Jinx!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend & Me: “QUADRUPLE JINX!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend & Me: “QUINTUPLE JINX!”
*kiss*
Boyfriend: “SEPTUPLE JINX!”
Me: “SEXTUPLE JINX!”
Boyfriend: “Ha!”
Me: “Six is sextuple! Septuple is seven!”
Boyfriend: *hangs head in shame*
(My mom and I are talking about me babysitting my one-year-old goddaughter. My cousin has asked if I wanted her to bring over baby-proofing, which I thought wasn’t important for just one night.)
Mom: “We didn’t baby-proof when you were growing up!”
Me: “Yeah, and I have THREE scars on my face!”
Mom: “Yeah, but—”
Me: “I had to have STITCHES!”
Mom: “You fell on the TV. How was I supposed to baby-proof that?”
Me: “Wrap it in bubble wrap?!”
(My sister is visiting. I’m talking to my two-month-old son. I have a habit of congratulating him on his growth and new abilities as they occur.)
Me: “Son, what is this in your ear? Oh, some earwax. Good job!”
Sister: “Did you really just congratulate him for having ear wax?”
Me: *pause* “Yes. I did.”
