When Both Sides Of The Bed Are Wrong

| Virginia, USA | Romantic | October 18, 2011

(My husband and I have just woken up on a lazy Sunday morning. He rolls over to kiss me.)

Husband: “I never get tired of waking up next to you.”

Me: “Awwww.”

Husband: “I really think I love you the most in the morning.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Husband: “Yeah.” *kisses me again* “Because you haven’t had a chance to do anything stupid and f*** it up yet!”

Me: “I see you’re certainly getting an early start, though!”

A Stench Made In Heaven

| New Mexico, USA | Romantic | October 17, 2011

(My hubby and I have only been married for three months. One night, he comes home from work and starts getting ready for bed.)

Me: “You need a shower.”

Hubby: “I know, don’t worry! I won’t make you smell my ball sweat!”

Me: “Why did ‘ball sweat’ remind me to take my birth control?”

Hubby: “Welcome to marriage, babe.”

I Love You Just The Way You (And Your Rear) Are

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | October 15, 2011

Boyfriend: “I’m going to start working out again, I want to lose a little weight.”

Me: “Me too! Maybe we should start running or biking together?”

Boyfriend: “If you lose that ass, I’m breaking up with you.”

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I like them big!”

Less Stupid, More Cupid

| Canada | Romantic | October 13, 2011

Me: “Please stop saying you’re romantic. You aren’t at all.”

Boyfriend: “I am so romantic.”

Me: “Oh yeah? Name something romantic you did during our past three years together.”

Boyfriend: “I took you to the movies last week.”

Me: “First, Transformers isn’t romantic. Second, you dropped me off and went straight home after.”

Boyfriend: “But I paid, didn’t I?!”

Me: “Yes, but your sister was with us!”

Taking The Two Out Of Together

| Harrisburg, PA, USA | Romantic | October 12, 2011

(Due to employment incentives, for the past few years my father has lived in another town and came home on the weekends. After retiring, he moved back home with my mom. Shortly after, I get a call from my mom, who works full time as a professor.)

Me: “Hi mom, what’s up–”

Mom: “Your father is driving me crazy!”

Me: “So, what did he do?”

Mom: “I was leaving for work, and…”

Me: “What did he do?”

Mom: *angrily “He asked me what I wanted for dinner!”

Me: “The nerve of him.”

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