Sharing Wits With The Witnesses

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Related | January 25, 2012

(Note: My brother is a philosophy major, and makes a hobby of logically disputing various religious beliefs. While at home, our doorbell rings.)

Brother: “I’ll get it.”

Me: “Don’t, it’s Jehovah’s Witnesses. We’re ignoring them.”

Brother: “Oh!”

(He enthusiastically heads for the door.)

Me: “No, you cannot play with them.”

Brother: “Aw, you’re no fun!”

Wise-cracks Are (Tali)Banned

| Highlands Ranch, CO, USA | Related | January 25, 2012

(I am 8 years old at the time. I go downstairs because I am hungry. Note: this takes place before we have found Osama Bin Laden.)

Me: “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

Dad: “It’s really close to dinner, sweetie. You shouldn’t eat too much. But, I guess you can have a few Ritz Crackers.”

Me: “We have Ritz? Where?”

Dad: “In the cabinet, go look.”

(I see them in the cabinet, but close it and turn to him.)

Me: “But I don’t like Ritz!”

Dad: “What? Why would you want to know where something is if you don’t like it?”

Me: “Well, we hate Osama bin Laden, but we’d love to know where he is right now!”

(He sends me to my room, with my mom and sister cracking up at him in the next room.)

Double Date, Single Rate

| CA, USA | Romantic | January 25, 2012

(My dad has not dated since mom died.)

Dad: “I’m going to put a dating ad in the personals.”

Me: “So, you’re ready to move on. Cool.”

Dad: “How about I include you in the ad? I don’t think they’ll mind a ‘single dad and son looking for girlfriends’ headline. Same cost as one ad, but for both of us.”

Me: *I just stare*

Dad: “Alright, guess not.”

Color Blind

| NH, USA | Romantic | January 25, 2012

(I am sitting on my bed with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years.)

Boyfriend: “Your eyes are so beautiful.”

Me: *covering my eyes with my hands* “What color are they?”

Boyfriend: “Um, brown?”

Me: “Try green.”

Boyfriend: “Oops.”

Love Me Tender, Love Me Poo

| London, England, UK | Romantic | January 24, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are at his place. He has been in the toilet for 45 minutes.)

Boyfriend: “Sorry, I was gone so long. I did the biggest poo ever!”

Me: *silent*

Boyfriend: “What? I named it after you. Want to give it a proper send off?”

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