Uplifting Father Figure

| Springfield, OR, USA | Related | April 25, 2012

(My family is sitting at home watching TV after not having seen each other for awhile.)

Dad: *to my brother* “Man, you’ve gotten kind of fluffy since last time I saw you. You were pretty skinny before.”

Brother: “Shut up! I’m not fluffy. I’ve been working out. You have to gain muscle before the fat comes off.”

Dad: “Working out doing what?”

Brother: “I’ve been power-lifting!”

Dad: “Power-lifting what? Your spoon?!”

There Are Several Dimensions To Craziness

| London, England, UK | Related | April 25, 2012

(My parents and I are watching the news, which is reporting on the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking.)

Me: *imitating a reporter* “I went out in London to ask the public around the world what they thought about it.”

Dad: “Yes, we all mourned the day Leonardo DiCaprio got his rocks off and then promptly froze them but a mere 3 hours later.”

Mum: “She must have really loved him to drown him. He was probably just sleeping.”

Me and Dad: *imitating ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’* “I’m not dead yet!”

(The news mentions the film ‘Titanic’ being out again in 3D.)

Mum: “Watch him die again, now in 3D.”

Me: “Teenage boys lining up to see Kate Winslet naked, in 3D.”

Dad: *imitating ‘Monty Python’ again* “I’m not dead yet!”

Me, mum and mad: “In threeeeh-deeeeh!”

That’s Just Not Hip

| Australia | Romantic | April 24, 2012

(My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed.)

Fiancé: “Ow!”

Me: “What? Did I hurt you?”

Fiancé: “No, I cracked my ankle.”

Me: “Oh.”

Fiancé: “Well, my ankle, but at the top of my thigh.”

Me: *laughing* “You mean your hip?”

Fiancé: “Probably…”

Totally, Like, Amortentia

| MN, USA | Related | April 24, 2012

Mom: “So what happened at school today?”

Me: “Well, my insane English teacher almost started a riot with a discussion about Harry Potter ‘shippings’.”

Mom: “Ship-pings?”

Me: “Yeah, ‘shippings’…short for relationships. Like, in The Hunger Games, Peeta and Katniss are a shipping, and so is Katniss and Gale.”

Mom: “So people were upset over shippings?”

Me: “Yep. There was controversy over whether Harry should have married Ginny Weasley or Luna Lovegood.”

Mom: “Luna Lovegood?! Sounds like the name of some chick in a dirty movie!”

Related
(from NotAlwaysRomantic):
Totally, Like, Engorgio
Totally, Like, Avada-Kedavra
Totally, Like, Sectumsempra
(from NotAlwaysRight):
Totally, Like, Aguamenti
Totally, Like, Excruciatus

Passed With Frying Colors

| NY, USA | Related | April 24, 2012

(My mom makes dinner consisting of two different kinds of Chinese sausage. One is red colored, and the other one is brown.)

Me: “Can I get some more sausage please?”

Mom: “Sure, which one do you want?”

Me: “Either is fine.”

Mom: “Do you want the red one or the…not…red one.”

(Silence.)

Mom: *blushes* “What?”

Me: “Red or not red. That only takes out a tenth of the color spectrum.”

Mom: “Shut up. I cooked, so I get to describe the color. Red or not?”

Page 1,818/1,940First...1,8161,8171,8181,8191,820...Last
« Previous
Next »