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They Only Know The Bare Minimum

| Learning | November 2, 2015

(I am in finance class:)

Me: “How I curb my spending is realizing it takes me three hours to make $20 after tax.”

Classmate: *in disbelief* “How come?!”

Me: “I make minimum wage. I work two jobs because it still isn’t enough.”

Classmate: “Why don’t you just get a better paying one instead of working two minimum wage jobs?”

Me: *tries not to roll my eyes into the back of my head*

The Teacher Becomes The Student

| Learning | February 23, 2015

(I teach science to junior and senior high students in a home school co-op. Some of the kids have been to public school previously. We are learning about organelles of cells.)

Me: “[Student #1], where do you think that organelle would be on the diagram?”

Student #1: “Wait, I know this. I should remember it because I learned this in my science class in public school. Wait, sorry. I don’t remember. My science teacher was pretty awesome; I just think I was not a very good student.”

Me: “Does anyone here want to make that declaration for me?”

Student #2: “My science teacher was not a very good student!”

That Exam Was Easy Pee-sy

| Learning | October 30, 2013

(I very seldom meet the students I work with, as most of our conversations are on the phone and they work from home. I am calling one student to let them know about their exam score…)

Me: “So you must be pretty happy that you did so well on that exam, hey?”

Student: “Oh yeah! I’m actually still relieving myself right now!”

(I erupt into laughter.)

Student: “Oh s***! That’s not what I meant! I’m not doing that right now!”

A Monster Of A Rewrite

, , , , , | Related | August 16, 2013

(I am about 11 years old, and am being home-schooled. I’m working on my spelling/vocabulary lesson, and have to write a short story using every word in the lesson. I write a story about a superhero who has the power to turn the villains and monsters good. I am proud of my story.)

Aunt: “Why does she make them all turn good?”

Me: “Because they were evil and hurting people.”

Aunt: “Well, it’s not right to make someone do something they don’t want to do. You should change it.”

Me: “How do you know they don’t want to be good?”

Aunt: “They’re monsters. Rewrite it.”

(I stop arguing, and change the ending drastically by making the superhero kill the monster. She doesn’t like this one either. She makes it clear that she wants it written one way.)

Aunt: “What is this?”

Me: “My alternate ending.”

Aunt: “Killing people is bad!”

Me: “They’re monsters, remember?”

Aunt: “That doesn’t change anything. Rewrite it!”

Me: “To what? You didn’t like the first one!”

Aunt: “Just change it!”

(By now, I am quite irked, and change the story once again to a more generic superhero story ending.)

Me: “Here.”

Aunt: “So she just sends him off?”

Me: “Yes.”

Aunt: “It’s better, but why did you choose this ending?”

Me: “Because you told me to.”

Aunt: “That’s not a good reason. Why don’t you write a new one?”

(I am more irked now, and refuse to write another ending.)

Me: “I’ve already written a new one!”

Aunt: “And I want you to write it over!”

Me: “Fine! How about the superhero goes and turns the monster into a good guy so she doesn’t have to keep fighting him? That way everyone is happy. And now the monster can live happily.”

Aunt: “No, he wouldn’t be happy. He would be forced to be something he’s not.”

Me: “Yes, he would. He is my monster in my story!”

Aunt: “You can’t act that way in the real world!”

Me: “How about we leave my story be, and not force it to change into something I don’t want it to be?”

Aunt: “Are you talking back to me?”

(I don’t want to get into trouble, so I just give in.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll learn from this. I can’t make people do stuff or they’ll be unhappy.”

Aunt: “Good. Now go work on math.”

Me: “Okay, Aunt [name].”

(I went on to my math lesson. I never chose to write a story for my spelling lesson again, which was unfortunate, because I love writing. I learned more from writing a story than I did copying the words over and over in my book.)

Little Sister, Big Statement

| Related | July 26, 2013

(I’m a lesbian, and a lot older than my siblings. I am 22, and my sister is 11. Before this, I hadn’t had a reason for explaining the whole sexual orientation thing to her, though my family is open and I’ve never been in any closet. On a Sunday, I do the whole explanation, and tell her that she might want to think about whether she wants to tell her friends, as some can get mean about it. The next day, my little sister is at school, and the teacher asks the students about their weekends. My sister rises and speaks up.)

Sister: “My sister is a lesbian, which means she likes girls, and if you’re gonna be mean about it, you can kiss my a**!”