A Tidy Compliment

, , , | Friendly | June 6, 2017

(My friend walks into my family’s house.)

Friend: “Oh! Did you re-decorate?”

Me: “No, we cleaned up.”

Wish You Could Preserve These Things On Tape

, , , | Working | June 5, 2017

(I am a cashier at a popular hardware store. A sweet-looking old woman who looks to be in her 60s comes to my checkout lane with a variety of items, two of which are scotch tape and a yardstick.)

Me: *begins to check out items* “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything alright?”

Customer: “Well, now that you mention it, I do have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Do you know what a measurer is?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, my son knew I was running up to the hardware store and said that he needs a tape measurer. I got the tape, but do you think he means this for the measurer?” *points to yardstick*

(At this point, I am trying very hard not to laugh. However, I didn’t have the heart to tell her that that was definitely not what her son meant.)

Me: “I think your son will be fine with whatever you get him. Have a great day!”

(The old woman, who looked satisfied, walked out the door with her items. A man came to the store the next day to return some tape and a yardstick, saying something about his mother being confused! It certainly made my day!)

Unfiltered Story #88986

, , | Unfiltered | June 1, 2017

I am in the home improvement store wearing t-shirt, shorts, and sandals, obviously I don’t work there. I am looking in the lumber section when a large man approaches me.

customer: hey man, me and the missus were getting busy last night and got too excited, if y’all know what i mean.

me: uhh…

customer: yea man we got carried away and broke the bed slats. what would y’all replace it with?

me: uhh probably a 1×4, (looks him over) maybe a 1×6 would be better, by the way you know i dont work here right?

customer: yea but your mexican right, so I figured y’all know what your doing

me: okay…

customer (in cool-aid man voice): ohh yeah! daddy is getting some tonight!

customer leaves and an employee who watched the whole exchange doubles over laughing

Got The Cleanest Concrete In The Business

, , , , | Working | May 26, 2017

(I’m the bad employee in this situation. I work as a cashier at a home retail store, and one of the services that we offer during the summer months is a check-out till in our outdoor lumber run. Naturally, this building doesn’t get cleaned a lot, so in a few minutes of downtime, I’m wiping down the windows. A customer comes up behind me.)

Me: *seeing the customer* “Oh, hello. One moment, please.”

Customer: “Not a problem. It looks like you were on a mission there.”

(I put down my cleaning supplies, and turn to assist the customer.)

Me: “Sorry for the wait. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need to buy 30 bags of concrete.”

Me: “All right. We don’t have the codes at the register, so I’ve just got to walk down and scan it.”

Customer: “Not a problem.”

(I enter the quantity into the system, and then walk down to the concrete. Confidently, I reach out — and promptly spray window cleaner on the concrete. Looking down, I burst out laughing. I’d grabbed the cleaner instead of my scanner.)

Me: “Oh. I grabbed the wrong product by accident. If you’ll just give me a moment, I’ll get you rung through.”

Customer: “Don’t worry. It looks like it’s been a long day for you. Besides, it made my day.”

Gotta Give Them Credit (Cards) For Trying

, , , | Miami, FL, USA | Right | May 16, 2017

I work in a home improvement store that has a store points card and a store credit card. We had just opened a new location and therefore have a lot of new staff who aren’t as experienced at catching scammers.

Two days in a row a man has come in and bought an expensive grill with a fake credit card. However, because of how we process payments this isn’t brought to our attention until the next day when the accounting department notices several big purchases did not go through. However the third day we are already on alert and because of our security cameras we know what he looks like and thankfully, one of the senior staff members has the pleasure of interacting with him.

She immediately becomes suspicious when the man starts asking about the same model of grill that has been stolen. While she pretends to look up information on the grill she actually looks for his picture in our company email and identifies him.

She doesn’t want to scare him away or give him time to leave by calling the police so instead she sells him the grill…

… and the company credit card.

She convinces him to open a card and so he willingly fills in an application with his full name, address, social, etc.

After he leaves she contacts the police, gives them all the information including the CCTV footage, and reports from the account about the credit card charges.

The guy is caught at his house with tens of thousands of dollars with of stolen items (not just from our store) and a bunch of fake credit cards.

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