(We receive a work order that reads “URGENT: fixture burning.” I call to see if anyone is home but nobody answers. We’re in the area for another call so we decide to stop by. We knock, and the homeowner answers.)

Coworker: “Hi, we’re with [Company]. You said you were having an emergency with one of your lights burning?”

Homeowner: “Yeah, the bulb keeps burning out and it gets really hot. We’ve changed the bulb at least four times. I’m really worried because the baby sleeps in that room.”

Coworker: “Okay, we can get that looked at right now for you, if you like.”

Homeowner: “Well, now isn’t really a good time. The baby is taking a nap so I don’t want any work done. But you can come see what I mean if you want.”

(We go inside to see what’s going on. The baby isn’t actually asleep, but jumping up and down in his crib. We look everything over.)

Coworker: *after checking it out, the wiring is all okay* “We can change out the fixture. It would only take about ten minutes.”

Homeowner: “Well, I’d rather have it done another time. I hope that’s okay.”

Coworker: “No problem, we can schedule something for a different day.”

(We end up setting an appointment for the following week. So much for being “urgent.”)

(I’m sitting at the customer service desk when I notice a lady dump a load of items on top of a load of display boxes. She disappears off into the shop again and after a few minutes comes up and dumps more stuff on the boxes. The next time she comes back I go over to her with a trolley.)

Me: “Hi there! Thought you could use a trolley!”

Lady: “Oh, thank you! That’s a big help.”

(The lady proceeds to put all her items into the trolley before wandering off into the shop for more things she needs, leaving her trolley full of shopping behind her. A few minutes later she comes back, this time struggling to carry three 10-litre buckets of paint. My manager comes out onto the floor and notices her.)

Manager: “You’ll put your back out carrying those! Let me get you a trolley.”

Lady: “Oh, I’m fine thanks. I already have one here.” *gesturing at the paint that she put on the trolley* “Man, I wish there was an easier way to carry these things about.”

(The lady walks off into the shop again. My manager turns around and looks at me confused.)

Me: “I don’t think she understands how trolleys work.”

(I work at the customer service desk. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] of [Town] customer service; how may I direct your call?”

Customer: *irate* “I have been waiting weeks for my order and I’ve heard nothing from you! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. Can I have your phone number to pull up your order?”

Customer: “Every time I call it’s the same thing. You people never actually do anything!”

Me: “Well, I apologize if you’ve had a bad experience but I know nothing about your order and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to help you without pulling up your order to see what’s going on.”

Customer: “Who am I speaking with?”

Me: “Customer service.”

(I refuse to give out my name to irrational customers.)

(I am working outside in the garden area. An older gentleman walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today, sir? How may I help you?”

Customer: *a bit harshly* “I want two of those bags of cheap soil out there. They’re $1.57.”

Me: “The topsoil, sir? The white and brown one?”

Customer: *even more harsh* “Yes. I want two. They’re $1.57.”

Me: *cheerily* “Actually, sir, that sale is $1.55 a bag! You save four pennies!”

Customer: “No. I have purchased some before and they were ONE DOLLAR, FIFTY SEVEN CENTS.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Perhaps that was a different sale? Or perhaps you had been misinformed? You’ll be saving four pennies today…”

(He continued to argue while I gently kept trying to tell him that he was saving money. Eventually he threw his card at me, paid, and left. Perhaps I should have just let him overpay?)

(The maintenance man is cleaning the restrooms. He places his cleaning cart in front of the women’s restroom with a sign attached, which reads: “Restroom closed for cleaning. Please use unisex restroom.” I am working at self-checkout, which is next to the restrooms.)

Customer: *to me* “So, I can’t use the bathroom?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The unisex restroom is open.”

Customer: “What?! I’m not a unisex!”

Me: “Ma’am… the unisex restroom is just a one-person restroom that can be used by anyone.”

Customer: *yelling* “I am not a unisex! Why would you tell me to use a restroom for a unisex?! I will NOT use their restroom!” *stomps out of the store*