Not Quite Feeling This Request

, | Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement

(An artistic, elaborately dressed woman wanders in and is standing by the paint samples in a melodramatic stance. I wander over.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *gives me a withering look and says* “I’m looking for Bittersweet.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound like one of our colors, but I can look it up in the database and see if we can match it.”

Customer: “No… I’m looking for a color that invokes the feeling of bittersweet.”

(I stand dumbfounded for a second.)

Me: “So… is that like an orange or something?”

A Slight Scratch In His Story

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work in a large home improvement store. I am taking a call from a customer in our appliance section.)

Customer: “My toilet is scratched!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. Did we install it for you?”

Customer: “No, a plumber did. But it was not scratched when he put it in!”

Me: “What do you mean it was not scratched when he put it in?”

Customer: “I cleaned it and then all these scratches showed up!”

Me: “Uhm, what did you clean it with?”

Customer: “Bleach!”

Me: “Well, a lot of brands say not to soak in bleach because it takes off the glaze that helps the bowl stay clean. How long did it soak for?”

Customer: “Overnight!”

Me: “Well, sir, bleach is highly corrosive, and-”

Customer: “I expect a full refund!”

Me: “Sir, if the damage is caused by the customer, we cannot refund.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! It was not scratched when I bought it!”

Me: “That’s the point.”

That Benefit Went Straight Down The Faucet

| Rio Rancho, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Money

(I work at a home improvement store. A customer has picked out a faucet.)

Me: “Great! We have that exact one in stock. While I set up this order, I will have someone go get it from the warehouse for you!”

Customer: “That’s perfect! What do I owe?”

Me: “$103.00. That can be cash, check, or card.”

Customer: *hands me a card*

Me: “Uhm. This is a EBT card.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Uhm, food stamps only work on food and necessities. Did you mean to give me a credit or debit?”

Customer: “No, just charge the card I gave you.”

Me: “Uhm, ma’am, I cannot do that. This is a state issued EBT card. It’s not meant to be used for household fixtures, just food and some basic supplies. My computer won’t even accept it if I did enter the information.”

Customer: “I want it charged to that card! That is why I gave you that card!”

Me: “I understand that; however, that is not how these cards work.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because the state issues them for families who cannot afford food, water, formula, or other needs. But it has to be for a need that is basic to supporting life, not things like faucets or even clothes.”

Customer: “But I NEED a new faucet.”

Me: “Well, if you are renting, the owner of the property should be the own who replaces it. If you own your residence, I can ring this up with cash, check, or a bank issued card.”

Customer: “Just swipe the card I gave you!”

Me: “This is a state issued food stamp card. I cannot.”

Customer: “This is discrimination because you think I am poor!”

Me: “Ma’am, I do not judge based on how much money a customer happens to have. However, I can refuse forms of payment that either do not work, will not work, or are illegal to attempt to use.”

Customer: “Illegal? Now you don’t think I am American!”

Me: “What? I said forms of payment that are illegal to use.”

Customer: “You are calling me an illegal!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot help you. Nor can I sell you this with the payment you offered me. You can either give me a legal, bank issued form of payment or not buy from this store.”

Customer: “How dare you!” *flounces out*