I am a new home builder. An engineer has just moved into his new house. I get a call from him on a Sunday morning that I can hardly understand because he’s so mad. After he calms down, he tells me:

Caller: “I started my dishwasher and went upstairs to get ready for church, and when I came back down, my entire kitchen was filled with bubbles!”

Me: “I see.”

Caller: “You installed a defective piece of s***! You’re going to replace it and compensate me!”

Me: “Have you owned a dishwasher before?”

Caller: “No, but I’m an engineer! I know I didn’t break it!”

Me: “What brand of dishwashing capsules did you put in it?”

Caller: “Capsule? I just used the dish soap!”

Me: “You just used regular dish soap.”

Caller: “Yes, because it’s a dishwasher! I’m not an idiot!”

I had to find a way to tell him that yes, in fact, he was.

I was working at one of the registers on a pretty steady day — not busy but not as slow as pond water, either. While I rang up a few customers, I noticed two managers (the head cashiers) talking and looking both concerned and amused. When there weren’t any customers waiting, I went to satisfy my curiosity when I noticed a cart stocked with lots of expensive power tools and batteries for said tools. My first thought was that a customer had forgotten their wallet in their car and went to get it — it happens more often than you’d think — or had gone to grab something else before checking out.

Welp, no such thing.

According to the head cashier who was watching self-checkout at the time (a woman in her twenties), a male customer came up to scan those items. There was another customer doing the same while [Head Cashier] watched, but she noticed something while the guy was scanning things.

Every time something is scanned for purchase at any register, an image of it appears on the screen. The guy appeared to be scanning power tools and batteries, but [Head Cashier] noticed that none of the products he scanned matched what came up on the screen. The screen showed several lines of the same small bit of PVC pipe, which was worth a buck and change, and this guy didn’t have ANY PVC piping in his cart whatsoever.

[Head Cashier] noticed this and quickly gathered the courage to properly approach the customer as he was nearly done. She told him, very professionally, that there was an issue with the items he was scanning as they didn’t match the images on the screen. The customer feigned ignorance while [Head Cashier] proceeded to scan one of the items he had “already scanned”. Sure enough, the correct item appeared on the screen with the correct triple-digit price tag. She proceeded to remove what he scanned already and scan every item correctly. Suddenly, the customer was surprised.

Customer: “I can’t afford all that!”

Head Cashier: “Do you want to save some money by signing up for the company credit card?”

The customer declined and left empty-handed.

It turned out that the guy had a little barcode sticker ON HIS FINGER for the PVC pipe and scanned it to make it seem like he was scanning the other items. If [Head Cashier] hadn’t paid proper attention, the dude would’ve walked out of the store with almost $1,000 worth of merchandise. Other managers were informed of the incident, and the assistant store managers gave [Head Cashier] props for handling the situation so well.

As messed up as the situation was, I was impressed at the thief’s clever approach.

A customer is in our tile warehouse looking at blocks of marble tiles.

Customer: “I like this tile, but I can only find one of this style.”

Me: “Ma’am, everything in this pile is the same size and type of marble.”

Customer: “Yes, but they’re all different patterns. I just like this pattern.”

Me: “Those patterns are made by Mother Nature, ma’am. We can’t get more just like that.” 

Customer: “Ugh, fine. Give me the number for them and I’ll order them myself!”

I take a call at work. A customer is asking about getting some skirting board. I start asking about size and dimensions.

Caller: “I need it to be this big.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t see what size you’re referring to.”

Caller: “Yes, and I need it to be this big.”

Me: “Sir, this is a phone call.”

Caller: “Yes, I am phoning you. And I need the skirting to be this big.”

Me: “Sir, I need an actual measurement. I can’t physically see what you’re referring to on a phone call.”

Caller: “Yes, I am phoning you, so listen! I need skirting, and I need it this big.”

Me: *Giving up* “Okay, sir, how wide do you want it? This wide, this wide, or this wide?”

Caller: “This wide.”

Me: “…”

I am sixteen and female, so working in a home improvement store means that a lot of customers don’t take me very seriously. However, I have been coming to this store with my parents since I was a baby, and my parents are both very hands-on with building their own extensions to our house.

As a result, I know my stuff, and working here through high school is a natural fit for me — plus, the staff discount for our home projects doesn’t hurt!

I am restocking an aisle that sells curtain rods along with the appendages required to cut, size, and affix them. An older man approaches me.

Customer #1: “I need to talk to someone about the curtain rods.”

Me: “I can assist you with that, sir.”

Customer #1: *Looking me up and down* “How old are you?”

Me: “Sixteen.”

Customer #1: “Ha! No, thank you. I’ll go find an expert.”

He leaves the aisle, and I shrug and continue my restocking; I’m used to it

A few minutes later, another customer comes over, this time an older woman, also asking about curtain rods.

Customer #2: “Can you help me, honey?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

I go through all her questions, ask some of my own to determine what will best serve her needs, and then explain how our store offers a delivery and installation service.

Customer #2: “How old are you, honey?”

Me: “I’m sixteen, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “I thought you might be the one. Can it be you that installs it? My husband needs a life lesson today, and nothing will work better than being shown he can’t install something that a sixteen-year-old girl can. No offense!”

Me: *Laughs* “None taken!”

Sadly, it wasn’t me that installed it — under eighteen part-timers weren’t allowed — but I did tag along with my coworker and “assisted” him as he did so that weekend. [Customer #1], [Customer #2]’s husband, was there, and he was very sheepish during the whole thing!