(My store is running a sale, and we sent out an ad for it. A faucet that is normally $150.00 is on sale for $75.00. We have sold a ton in the past few days without a problem.)

Customer: “I want two of those sale faucets from the ad!”

Me: “Wonderful, let me run and get those for you, and I’ll be right back!”

(I run and get them from the storage room and return.)

Me: “Great, your total is $160.88 with tax.”

Customer: “No. I’m only paying $150.00 for both. Change your prices so I can swipe my card.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do that. The faucets are $75.00 each, and with tax, that is $160.88.”

Customer: “I already said no! Set the price to the sales price.”

Me: “I rang you up at the sale price, ma’am. The additional charge is just state tax, and I have no control over that.”

Customer: “Stop trying to scam your customers. If you don’t sell them to me at $150.00, I will sue you for false advertising!” *she shows me her phone* “When I put in the prices, it shows as $150.00 on my phone. So, that is what I will pay!”

Me: “That’s because you did not add in tax, ma’am, and our advertisement does mention that tax will apply. It is state tax.”

Customer: “I will sue! Change the price”

Me: “Ma’am, this is state tax. The faucets are already 50% off. There is nothing I can do about the sale price, the state tax, or the final price.”

Customer: “What is the price for just one faucet?”

Me: “With tax, $80.44.”

Customer: *doing the math on her phone* “Liar! Look! My phone says it would be $80.43.”

Me: “The computer automatically rounds up to the nearest cent, ma’am. It would be $88.437.”

Customer: “No, you just want to overcharge me!”

Me: “By tenths of a cent? Do you have a tenth-of-a-cent coin?”

(The customer behind her starts laughing, which makes her angry. She storms out, still threatening to sue.)

Next Customer: “I’ll take those faucets. Feel free to charge me tax.”

Related:
A Very Taxing Explanation

(I’ve taken a job at a home improvement store doing general floor sales. An understaffed department quickly takes a shine to me and trains me on selling their products.)

Coworker: “And…” *sigh* “…here are the bathroom fans.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Coworker: *picking up an open box* “These are the worst for angry customers and theft. People will come in and insist on just buying the motor. You can tell them again and again that the motor isn’t standard between models and that you can’t just swap the motor. Some will buy the kit then return it when they realize we told them the truth. Some will bring tools into the store and discreetly steal the motor. But every last one of them will argue with you when you tell them you can’t swap it.”

(He shows me the open box, which contains a kit but the motor has been stolen.)

Me: “Oh. What can we do?”

Coworker: “Nothing really. Tell them you can’t just swap it, but if they’re not afraid of a bit of ducting tape, electrical work, and maybe some drywall cutting, it’s fairly simple to install a new kit. We have this book that shows step-by-step instructions; you can try to upsell it with a kit, but it’s not a popular seller.”

Customer: *walks up* “Yo, I need to swap a motor for a bathroom fan. Where do you have just the motors?”

Coworker: *looks to me*

Me: “Hi! I’m glad to help with that. Unfortunately, you can’t swap just the motor, but the kit’s only $12, and it’s a pretty simple project. We even have this handy book that walks you through it.”

Customer: “F*** that. I know you can just swap the motor. I just want the motor.”

Me: “Well, I’m happy to be proven wrong. You’re welcome to buy the kit and try to swap the motor. If it doesn’t work, you can just install the kit, instead.”

Customer: “No. I’m not paying for the full kit. I just need the motor. What don’t you understand?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s my first week. But unfortunately, I’m told we don’t carry just the motors. You can try a different store, if you like.”

Customer: “Whatever.” *walks away*

(Less than an hour later I was making rounds and found another open kit box with the motor stolen. Seriously, you can’t afford $12?)

Our department is horribly understaffed, and has been all day. My coworker and only coverage comes up and asks me if he can leave ten minutes early to catch his bus; I haven’t yet had my first break and need to go before he leaves.

As I turn to check the computer at our desk for the time, I spot a couple obviously waiting for help. I try to do three things at once: let my coworker know I need a break before he can go, greet the customer, and check the time.

What I end up doing is turning to the customer with a giant smile on my face and proclaiming in my cheeriest customer service voice, “Hi, what time is it?”

Fortunately, they thought it was funny.

I run a small landscape company. I get a call from a customer whose lawn has been destroyed by grubs.

I go over to her house, and we walk around discussing various issues with the property. Looking at the lawn, it is clearly destroyed, and I ask her who mows it. She tells me she has this guy who cuts a few lawns on the street. I ask why he did not tell her when the grubs first came out so that she could treat them. Her explanation is that he is “just a grass cutter, not a landscaper.”

I take some measurements, and after figuring it out, we sit down and tell her the job will need a good 50 cubic yards of soil, and that I will have to move it around then spread it out. After that, it needs to be york-raked, hand-raked, and hydro-seeded. The cost would be $5,000 plus tax.

She asks how much I will charge to cut the lawn, and I reply $40.

She says that was too much. I explain that if I had been mowing the lawn, I would have seen the grubs, notified her, and treated for them at a cost of under $100.

She says that she does not want to spend the extra $10 a week. I explain that she is not saving $10, as it is going to cost $5,000 to fix the lawn now, but if she had spent the extra $10, it would have taken seventeen years of weekly mowing before she spent the $5,000. All she keeps saying is that she is saving $10.

I finally give up, sign the contract, get the $5,000, and she is happy as she is still “saving” $10 a week.

Got to love stupid people: spend $5,000 to save $10.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 77
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 76
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 75

(I work in a home improvement center. Sometimes we are able to sell discontinued items off the floor. This item is a very expensive vanity that has been discontinued for several years.)

Customer: “I like this vanity a lot. How much does this one cost?”

Me: “Luckily, that one is discontinued! It’s the last of its kind. The discounted price is $500.00. It used to list in the thousands.”

Customer: “That’s not a bad deal. I’ll take it.”

Me: “Wonderful! Follow me and I’ll write that up for you. Since it’s discontinued, you can take it home off the floor today. We offer delivery, as well. I was pretty sad when they stopped making that item.”

Customer: “I can see why. It’s beautiful. I need two.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s discontinued. The only one left is this one here.”

Customer: “Oh, well, just write me up for two of them. That would be $1,000, right?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This is the last one. It has been for a long time, since the company stopped making that item. It’s not possible to get a second one.”

Customer: “Oh, whatever. I know that is just a marketing ploy to make people think they are getting a deal.”

Me: “It’s really not a ploy. Items with the stickers on them in the store are no longer being made. They are usually the last ones we have and will be able to get.”

Customer: “Listen, sweetie, just type up my order. Don’t make me talk to your boss.”

Me: “I would be very happy to have my boss explain this, also. I can show you the product list from this manufacture, and this vanity set will not be listed. It is on one from 2012. They stopped making it after that year.”

Customer: “Look, I’m being patient. Now you are wasting my time.”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel that way, but there is nothing I can do about this situation. It is not possible to get another vanity like this one, unless you have one custom made to match.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll take my business elsewhere. You just lost your store $1,000! I’ll take the vanity information to [Competitor].”

Me: “You are free to shop where you wish; however, that store has never carried this brand and will not be able to get a discontinued item.”

Customer: “We will see about that!”

(A little while later, I got a call from the other store asking if we had any of these vanities, since they don’t carry that brand and didn’t know it was discontinued. I feel bad for the salesperson who had to deal with the fallout over there.)