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Lumbering Around And Around

| Vidalia, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Popular

(While working in the building materials end of a home improvement store, I have two customers back to back ask me probably the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you sell lumber?”

(I look around at all the plywood, two by fours, and trusses before looking back to him with a deadpan look.)

Me: “Nope.”

Customer #1: *nods* “Thanks, I wasn’t sure. Thanks for your help.”

(Not twenty minutes later, another customer comes in and looks me dead in the eye and says:)

Customer #2: “Where would your lumber be?”

(I point silently up at the sign above us that reads “Lumber.” The customer looks up, then back down at me, before looking up again. After a moment he starts to laugh.)

Customer #2: “My mistake.”

(Later when I’m checking him out, he adds:)

Customer #2: “You know… if it had been me, and someone asked me a dumb question like that, I’d have been sorely tempted to send them on a wild goose chase around the store before bringing them back here.”

Me: “I’ve tried that. It gets old after the fourth or fifth time.”

Gunning For A Sale

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was calling to see if you sell bullets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Do you sell bullets? Like for reloading?”

Me: *thinking maybe he is confused and needs the ‘bullet’ CO2 cartridges we sell for some of our air-powered nailers* “Bullets… as in bullets for guns, or…?”

Customer: “Yes! Bullets! For shooting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not. We sell home improvement items and bullets are not a home improvement item.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”

No Longer Deaf To Reason

| Baraboo, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

Customer: “Are you deaf or something? I was trying to talk to you and you ignored me like an idiot!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Sorry, I was blown up by a landmine in Afghanistan and it destroyed most of my hearing in that side.”

(All the while I put on the most offended and hurt face I could muster. The customer’s face was quite possibly the best “I need to rethink my life” face ever.)