(My school building has been around since the 1950s and has fallen into disrepair. Despite years of campaigning for a new building, the county keeps pushing the construction date back by years. It’s become a running joke in the school that the building will collapse before we get a new one. On this day, we are having some very noisy work done in the ceiling.)

Me: *glancing up at the ceiling* “They’d better be careful; one wrong hit and the whole thing will collapse. We’ll get a new building, at least.”

Teacher: *laughs hysterically*

(At the store where I work, when someone is stopped from stealing something, whether accidentally or on purpose, it’s called a recovery. An hour before closing I’m on self-checkout, next to the only open register at the front end. Since it’s dead, the other cashier and I are standing on the aisle, waiting for customers. A man comes speed-walking towards us.)

Coworker: “Hi there, are you ready?”

Man: *gesturing in the general direction of service desk and holding one of our buckets, which clearly has something in it* “No, I already paid.”

(He rushes past us. Since we’ve been getting a lot of people walking out with unpaid merchandise, I immediately follow him to ask for his receipt. The alarms start going off around him and I dash towards him.)

Man: “Oh, is it the bucket that’s setting them off? Here, you can have it back.”

(He drops the bucket and runs out the door empty-handed. I grab the bucket and look into it, grinning. There are two large packs of batteries, which are high-theft merchandise and therefore have sensors in them.)

Coworker: *runs up to me* “What just happened?”

Me: “I think we just made a recovery.”

(I work in a chain kitchenware store.)

Customer: “You just left a knife here out in the open!”

Me: “You mean my box cutter?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That I was using to cut open boxes?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “The boxes I was actively cutting open until I got up to help you?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s very dangerous!”

Me: “How foolish of me.”

(At the store where I work we have to ask customers if they would like a copy of their receipt emailed to them. It amazes me how many people are baffled or even offended by this simple question and don’t understand the meaning of “copy.”)

Coworker: “Can I take your email for a copy of the receipt?”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “Why would I do that? Can’t I have a paper one?”

Coworker: “Yes, you do get a paper one, but we send a backup in case it gets lost or damaged so you can still return your item under the warranty.”

Customer: “Well, that’s ridiculous; I don’t have a printer! I can’t print it off! It would cost me money just to do that!”

Coworker: “That’s okay. You don’t need to print it; you can show it on your pho—”

Customer: “GOD, THIS IS STUPID!” *walks away without completing the transaction and still shouting at my colleague* “YOU’RE AN IDIOT! WHAT THE F***?!”

(He put his middle finger up as he stormed out of the store. Not sure what got him so riled up, to be honest! A lot of people get annoyed about being asked, but that was extreme. How hard is it to say, “No, thank you”?!)

(A customer calls asking about a bedroom package.)

Customer: “Hi. I want to know how much the [bedroom package] costs.”

Me: “It’s normally [price], but right now it’s on sale for [significant discount]!”

Customer: “Can you do any further discount on that price?”

Me: “No, unfortunately not. We already give a small discount on all the items when they’re purchased in a package, and you’re saving [large amount] on top of—“

Customer: *interrupting* “It’s just that I’m in [Competitor] right now, looking at the same item, and I want to know if you can go any cheaper.”

Me: “Unfortunately not. You’re already saving [large amount] on top of our regular discount; we can’t go any lower.”

Customer: “Okay, then, goodbye.”

(I think that’s the end of it until I get a call back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “I just wanted you to know I bought the package from [Competitor].”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “And I paid more for it, too. Think about that.”

Me: “…”

(I have no idea what I’m supposed to “think about,” or what I did to tick this guy off so much!)