(I’m working the returns desk and I have an older lady and her young granddaughter in my line.)
Me: “Could I see your card for your return?”
Lady: *digging around purse* “Where did I put my card?”
Girl: “I don’t know, Grandma.”
Lady: “Did you take it out?”
Girl: “I’m a zombie killer, not a stealer!”
I’m on a job to, among other things, repair a light over a client’s front door. The issue as described by the client is that it doesn’t always come on every time they flip the switch.
I talk to the property manager and he shows me the switch — in a bank of about eight others — that controls the light. I turn it on and off several times and cannot replicate the issue, but to be thorough, I open the fixture and inspect everything. I tell the property manager that it seems to be in proper working order, but I can replace the functional parts just to be certain. He agrees and I proceed.
When I’m finished, I show him that it’s working properly by again repeatedly turning it on and off. He agrees that it’s good to go.
The next day, when we return to finish the rest of the work, he approaches me again and says they’re still having the same issue. This time the client is home so I speak to her directly. I ask her to show me what happens when she turns it on.
She proceeds to flip every single one of the aforementioned eight switches before coming to the one that actually controls the light, and then she says, “See? It doesn’t work.”
Containing my laughter, I show her that it’s only tied to the one switch and repeat the process of turning it on and off, showing her that it’s functioning normally.
The client says, “Oh, well, now it works!”
(I have bought too much potting soil, and I’m waiting in line to return what I didn’t need. The people in front of me are trying to return an obviously used sump pump, claiming they just bought it. I wait in line for about five minutes while the cashier, soon joined by her manager, navigates the return. Finally, they just decide to give them their money back. After this transaction, the manager waves me to a second register and takes care of my return.)
Manager: “Man, some people are just terrible liars. There’s no way they just bought that. The lengths that some people go to to save a few bucks…”
Me: “Well, I promise that I didn’t empty this bag and fill it full of regular dirt.”
Manager: *laughs* “You’re just fine.”
Me: “And I almost got away with it, too!”
(I order a fake fireplace heating unit and TV stand for my living room from a popular hardware and home improvement store. The order process is no problem and it arrives earlier than expected. The problems start when I begin unboxing the unit. There are several small pieces missing and the top and bottom panels are both damaged. I check the box over but can’t find any damage to say it was caused in transit, so I call the number on the care guide. It specifically says, “Before contacting [Store], call [Store] Customer Service at [800-number].” So I do.)
Customer Service: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Store] customer service. This is [Rep] on a recorded line. How can I help you today?”
Me: “Hi. I purchased [item] online last Friday, it—“
Customer Service: “Can I have your order number, please?”
Me: “Yes, it’s [number].”
Customer Service: “Is this [My Name]?”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Customer Service: “Yes, we have that your order was delivered two days ago.”
Me: “Yes, but it was damaged.”
Customer Service: “Damaged?”
Me: “Yes, the top and bottom panels are scratched and the laminate is peeling.”
Customer Service: “Okay.”
Me: “…”
Customer Service: “…”
Me: “So… I’d like a replacement?”
Customer Service: *pause* “Let me contact the warehouse.”
(I’m on hold for over ten minutes.)
Customer Service: “Ma’am?”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer Service: “There’s no one in the warehouse.”
Me: “Uh. Okay, so when will there be someone in the warehouse?”
Customer Service: “Hours are Monday through Friday, 9:00 am to 5:00 pm and Saturday, 10:00 am to 6:00 pm.”
Me: “You’re aware that it’s 2:00 pm on a Saturday, right?”
Customer Service: *pause* “No one is in the warehouse today.”
Me: “Okay. So… when will someone be in the warehouse?”
Customer Service: “Hours are—“
Me: “You said that. By your own admission, someone should be there now, but they’re not. So, when can I get this replaced?”
Customer Service: “When someone is in the warehouse.”
Me: “So, just… never, maybe?”
Customer Service: *offended* “[Store] places customer satisfaction as an utmost priority.”
Me: “That’s not the impression I’m getting.”
Customer Service: *ends the call*
(I wait until Monday to call again and hope that I’ll get someone else. Luckily, I do.)
Me: “Hi.” *gives brief overview of my problem* “I’m hoping to either get the parts replaced or a full refund.”
New Customer Service: “Okay, let me just see here.” *pause* “I have that you contacted us on Saturday for these parts, correct?”
Me: “Yes, but I was told there was no one in the warehouse.”
New Customer Service: “Oh. After 6:00 pm everyone goes home; I apologize for your wait.”
Me: “It was 2:00 pm.”
New Customer Service: “2:00 pm? No one was there?”
Me: “Not according to [Rep] when I spoke with her on Saturday. She didn’t seem to know when I would get help, either.”
New Customer Service: “That’s odd. Could I put you on hold, please? Let me just… Let me look into this.”
Me: “Okay.”
(I’m on hold for less than five minutes.)
New Customer Service: “I apologize, ma’am. I just listened to your call, and she must have been misinformed. There was someone in the warehouse that day. I don’t know what went wrong but I will take care of this for you.”
Me: “Thank you! What do I need to do?”
New Customer Service: “Well, you have a choice. You can go to your nearest store and return the unit if you’d just like your money back, or I can arrange for a pickup at your house so that we can do an exchange for you and have the new unit delivered in a few days.”
Me: “I really like this unit, so I’d like to exchange, please.”
New Customer Service: “I can do that. It looks like we can have someone come out tomorrow between 8:00 and 10:00 AM, if that works for you. They’ll take it to your local store to have it shipped back to our warehouse and you’ll get a new unit in a few days.”
Me: “That’s great. Thank you so much!”
(I boxed everything back up, sent it back to the warehouse, and I waited. And waited. And waited. On day 19, the package appeared on my doorstep. I opened the box to see that I had been shipped the exact same unit I’d just sent back. I loaded everything in my car and drove straight to the nearest store and got my money back. The manager on duty tried to short me $80 because it went on sale and that was the current price. I pulled up my order on my phone, proving what I’d paid, and he grudgingly agreed. He also refused to refund shipping, so I had to take the $15 loss since that isn’t controlled or charged by their company, but I was willing to do it to end this whole ordeal. I found a similar unit at a competitor’s store and they let me open the box to see if it was damaged before buying it. And no, I did not request a discount or an unopened box for my troubles!)
(I’m working near our service desk when a customer comes over.)
Me: “Hi! How are you today?”
Customer: “How much are your gates?”
Me: “Well, that depends on what kind you’re looking for. We’ve got light-duty, heavy-duty, wire-filled for keeping smaller animals contained, and corral panels, a type of movable fence that comes in ten-foot sections. Which are you interested in?”
Customer: “I don’t know.” *incredulously* “How much are they?”
Me: “Ah… they range in price significantly, depending on which kind you’d like.”
Customer: *incredulously again* “I don’t know.” *just stares at me*
Me: “Well… light- and heavy-duties range in size from four to twenty feet wide…”
Customer: “Yeah, that one. How much is it?”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s a range of nine different sizes. All are different prices.”
(The customer just stares at me. I feel pressured to come up with SOMETHING, even though they’re not giving me any information to go on.)
Me: “Well… for example, a fourteen-footer is $[total]. Would you like something larger? Perhaps smaller?”
Customer: “I don’t know.” *same incredulous tone, stare*
(The customer’s husband comes strolling up.)
Husband: *to Customer* “Hey, I’ve been looking for you. Did you get the info you were after?”
Customer: “Well, I was trying to find out how much one of those sixteen-foot light-duty gates is but he—“ *hooks a thumb in my direction* “—doesn’t know.”
Me: “…”
