This Is Not A Drill

| Grand Island, NE, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I’m at the service desk, finishing a battery replacement for a regular customer’s hearing aids. We’re having our normal chit chat; he loves talking about his grandkids. A woman enters, comes to the desk, and starts complaining immediately.)

Woman: “I don’t have this kind of time! Why are you doing his job? I need service.”

Me: “We always offer battery replacement.” *as I say this, I finish the replacements* “Okay, sir, you’re good to go! I’ll let [Cashier] know you’ve paid already. Have a nice night.”

Man: “Thank you. You get everything done so nicely.” *he heads out*

Woman: “Finally! My drill is broken. I want my replacement.”

Me: “Okay, let me see the drill and we can go from there.”

(She slams a drill from another chain onto the desk; it has a smashed battery pack.)

Woman: “There! It’s broken.”

Me: “This drill isn’t from here, and—”

Woman: “F****** liar! I want your manager!”

Me: *sees manager walking over due to her fuss* “Sure. Hey, [Manager], this customer wants to speak to you.”

Woman: “This b**** won’t replace my drill! I can’t use that one to hammer nails into concrete now.”

Manager: “Say what?”

Woman: “I need to hammer nails into my basement walls. This drill broke. How is that hard to understand? Give me my replacement!”

Manager: “First, that’s not a drill we sell. Second, our replacement guarantee only applies when the tool is used properly. It’s not a hammer, so it’s broken from misuse. Even if it was ours, we wouldn’t process a replacement.”

Woman: “How the f*** am I supposed to know I can’t use this as a hammer?! I’ll go get my own free replacement!”

Manager: “Okay. I’ll call the police.”

Woman: “F*** you! I ain’t violating my parole for you!” *she storms out*

Cashier: *over radio* “Um. Did that really just happen?”

(Two hours later, she returns with a drill now spray painted yellow. The cashier immediately gets the manager.)

Woman: “See! This is your drill! Give me my f****** replacement, you c***!” *slams drill and paint covered hand on counter*

Manager: “It still says [Brand] and the paint is coming off on your hand. Leave now; you’re now prohibited from coming in.”

Woman: “You can’t prove who I am.”

Manager: “Cameras are above you. Your fingerprints are on the counter. You have unique tattoos. You’re on parole. Pretty sure we can track you.”

(Customer ran out, and hasn’t returned.)

Too Late For That Lightbulb Moment

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(A customer comes to the returns desk and slams down a doorknob.)

Customer: *rudely* “I would like to return this light bulb.”

Me: *pause* “Do you have the light bulb or did you mean this doorknob here?”

Customer: *rolls her eyes and says* “I meant to say doorknob, obviously”.

(All I could think was “I hope you didn’t think this was a light bulb that didn’t work.” Either way, it made my day!)

Won’t Be Tricked Out Of His Treat

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I am shopping with my parents at a home improvement store during the Halloween season. There is a skeleton on display that has candy on it.)

Dad: *reaches for candy*

Mom: “Don’t take that! It’s for display!”

Dad: “It looks like samples to me.”

(We head to the cash registers to make a purchase. A woman who appears to be the manager is with the cashier.)

Dad: “Just curious, is the candy on the Halloween display free?”

Manager: “I would expect…”

Dad: *to Mom* “Ha! I told you!”

Mom: “You gonna go back and get some?”

Dad: “Nah.”

Manager: “I’ll go get you some.”

(The manager actually goes and gets us some candy.)

Dad: “Thank you!”

H2-Slow, Part 9

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One early morning I answer the calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you carried dehydrated water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, dehydrated water?”

Customer: “Yes, dehydrated water.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean distilled water?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “No, I definitely mean dehydrated water.”

Me: “Sir, to dehydrate something is to remove the moisture. If you remove moisture from water, you get air.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind!”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6

Can’t Let Your Hair Down With Some Customers

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I grow out my hair for cancer and everyone I know from work has only ever seen me with long hair as I was still growing it. I finally got it cut again and was working down at lumber where we get a lot of contractors that come in often and who I have gotten to know really well.)

Contractor #1: “Oh! [My Name], what did you do with your beautiful long red hair! It is so short now!”

Me: “I cut it for Locks of Love. I have been doing it for years, though I never cut it this short before. I like it; it takes so much less time to take care of.” *laughing* “But don’t worry, it will grow back out soon.”

Contractor #1: *very serious look on his face* “I certainly hope so! How will you ever get a guy when you look like a [offensive term for lesbian]? You ruined yourself. You just look so bad with short hair. No guy will try to date you now!”

Me: *I am completely taken aback and speechless as he grabs his stuff and leaves*

(Behind him is another contractor I know very well.)

Contractor #2: “I don’t know much about hair, but I for one think you look great with short hair and I think you did a wonderful thing donating it a child with cancer. Promise you won’t let some jack-a** make you feel bad about what a fantastic thing you did for someone in need!”

Me: “I promise and thank you.”

(We fist bumped and I had to keep thanking him as he left the store.)

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