(I go to a large home improvement store late at night to return a door handle that wasn’t the right size. The cashier in the returns section processes it quickly and as she is handing me my receipt I ask if she can check if the replacement I’ve ordered is in.)

Cashier: “Did you get an email saying it arrived?”

Me: “No, but I got an email a while ago saying it shipped.”

Cashier: *dismissively, as she walks away* “That means it isn’t here yet.”

(I don’t move and watch her put away the return and go to another computer and chat with some coworkers for a minute. She then grabs something and starts to just walk away.)

Me: “Excuse me? Would you mind just looking it up on the computer in case it came in but didn’t register yet? I’d rather not have to make a second trip if I don’t have to.”

(The cashier rolls her eyes and walks over to a computer. She logs in, I give her the order number, and lo and behold, it’s there.)

Cashier: “Oh. It must’ve just gotten here. Type this number into the locker outside and you can take it out.”

(She hands me the paper with the number and spins around to walk away.)

Me: “Thanks.”

(The cashier just walked away. No “You’re welcome.” No “Sorry for making you feel like an idiot for asking a basic question.” Oh, well.)

This occurs a couple of months before Christmas. We’ve noticed customers returning faulty products surges at about this time of year, but we’re prepared and are staffed sufficiently. A customer approaches the counter with an opened box with a lamp inside.

Customer:
“I got this a month ago and now it won’t work.”

Me:
“Oh, I’m sorry about that. I see your receipt is in the box; would you like a replacement or just a full refund?”

Customer:
“I want to know why it stopped working.”

Me:
“Occasionally, we find that one or two of our electronics just break down for no real reason. It won’t be anything you’ve done; it’s just one of those things. Sorry again, though. I get the frustration.”

Customer:
“I want to know why.”

Me:
“I don’t know exactly why, sir, but as I said, you have your receipt, so it’s up to you if you want a replacement or a refund.”

Customer:
“I want you to tell me why my lamp stopped working.”

This goes on for a few minutes, and the lines are piling up halfway down the store. But this guy will not stop asking about the lamp.

Customer:
“I don’t understand why it broke! Why won’t you tell me why my lamp is broken?!”

Me:
“Sir, I have explained to you that this is just one of those situations where you’ve unfortunately come across a faulty product. I cannot tell you exactly why your lamp is not working, but I am saying that you can either get a replacement lamp or I can process your refund now. What would you like to do?”

Customer:
*Loudly* “I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHY THIS LAMP STOPPED WORKING!”

Me:
“I can’t. I’m really sorry, but I can’t give you an answer because I just don’t know.”

Customer:
*Sighs loudly* “You know, you’re really making me question why I shop here.”

Me:
*Without even thinking* “And you’re making me question my will to live.”

There’s a pause, and my coworkers look over at me, their mouths open with “no-you-did-not” faces. I instantly know that I’ve made a blunder.

Customer:
“YOU ARE UNPROFESSIONAL! I WILL BE CALLING YOUR MANAGER, YOUNG LADY! ABSOLUTELY UNPROFESSIONAL! UN-PRO-FESSIONAL!”

He storms off, leaving his lamp on the counter. I know I’m really in for it. I definitely said it, and I was definitely b****y about it. He was being a real pain, but I’m wrong for saying that. I make a mental note to get into work earlier than usual so I can speak to my manager about it. He’s a good guy, and we have a pretty jokey working relationship, but I know that I’ve crossed a line with this.

The next day, early morning:

Me:
“Hey, are you free for a sec? I have something I need to fess up to.”

Manager:
“Yes, I’ve just received a call from a man who said—” *snorts* “—you told him he was making you seriously consider ending it all.”

Me:
*Sheepish* “Yeah, he told me I was making him question why he shopped at [Company], and I told him he was making me question my will to live. He was being uncooperative, but I’m not proud of what I said.”

The manager giggles while taking a sip of coffee.

Me:
“Do you need to wait for [Assistant Manager] to have a disciplinary?”

Manager:
“You’re not having a disciplinary.”

Me:
“Oh? Um, why?”

Manager:
“He wouldn’t let me get a word in after I told him that I couldn’t tell him exactly why his lamp stopped working.”

Me:
“Yeah, he did the same with me yesterday. I offered him a replacement or a refund but he wouldn’t decide and he kept trying to get me to tell him exactly why it broke and would not let it go.”

Manager:
“Well, he also tried to tell me that you didn’t offer him a refund or a replacement which I know is a bloody lie. So we’ll just leave it be.”

Me:
*Surprised but grateful* “Okaaaaay, thanks!”

As I’m walking into the staff room:

Manager:
“You’ve got some real zingers, don’t you? BLOODY HILARIOUS!”

Note to self: Customers can be the worst, but keep your composure. And don’t count on your manager thinking you’re funny.

(My parents are doing some renovations to the house. They’re getting an entirely new kitchen, as well as taking a portion of the current kitchen and making it into a laundry/bathroom. It’s the biggest renovation done to the house since the expansion about 20 years ago, which added a lot of space on all three floors. I’m visiting one day, sitting in the living room with Mom. Dad is currently mapping out where the outlets will be in the new kitchen and walking between the kitchen and dining room while mumbling to himself, trying to get an overview of the wiring. He’s currently standing on a chair in the middle of the dining room, checking the wiring for the ceiling light.)

Dad: “Now, how did I wire this?”

(He starts to pull wires, watching which lights go out.)

Dad: “Okay, this does that. This one is for that. We’ll pull this one and get shocked, so we’ll not touch that again…”

(This goes on for a while, with Dad occasionally stepping down from the chair to check the lights in the kitchen and living room or to crawl around in the dining room to discover that there’s actually five outlets in there, and not four as he initially thought. After about fifteen minutes:)

Dad: *enthusiastically* “Okay, we’ve got it under control! Mostly. I just have to check this one thing…”

(It takes about five more minutes before he announces that he’s finally got everything checked out. Fast forward a week: I’m back for another visit. Dad is working in the kitchen.)

Mom: “I feel like he’s constantly sawing or cutting something in there, but it looks the same!”

(It looks a mess, as part of the floor is ripped up, half the cabinets are gone, the ceiling is getting replaced, and there’s — part of — a wall in the middle, indicating where the new bathroom is going to be.)

Me: “Well, you wanted this.”

(Mom starts to tell me what Dad has done about the wiring, including fiddling with a remote for the dining room lights, removing/adding/moving wires to and from fixtures, and disassembling a radio, among other things.)

Mom: “You know, I’m not too sure about him playing with all these wires; it’s not like he’s a plumber!”

Me: “Yeah, he’s not an electrician, either.”

Mom: *laughing* “Yes, that’s what I meant. I just hope he doesn’t burn down the house.”

(Dad did all the electrical work himself 20 years ago, too, and the house is still standing. He did, and will, have a professional look it over, though, as it’s the law to have an actual electrician sign off on the work. And as to the “playing with wires” part; Dad’s a telecom technician and that’s how he describes his work.)

(Despite having a large lighting showroom, because of the high volume of products we carry, we often encourage customers to browse our many catalogues.)

Me: “Well, it seems like we don’t have what you need here in stock. I know that several manufacturers we carry do make a version of that item, though. Would you like to take a look through some of their catalogues and see if we can order something for you? It would take a couple of weeks, but then you’d get the exact look you want.”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(The customer proceeds to sit for over an hour, flipping through our binders. I run back and forth the entire time, getting new binders, putting away old ones, and pricing out dozens of fixtures she finds interesting. Finally…)

Customer: “I really like this one. I think it’s perfect. Can I see it in person now?”

Me: “Unfortunately, that particular item will have to be ordered from the manufacturer. The only way we can take a look at it now is in the catalogue.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! If you have it in your book, you should have it here!”

Me: “Well, by looking through the books, you’ve seen that there are tens of thousands of lights available. We’d have to have a warehouse as big as Raiders of the Lost Ark to hold them all!”

Customer: “This is stupid. I’ll never shop here again! What a waste of time!” *storms out of the store*

Me: “I agree.”

(I work for a company that does the kitchen installs for a large chain big box store. My city is currently experiencing catastrophic flooding and is in a declared State of Emergency. It is first thing Friday morning, and I’ve been asked to contact our customers to cancel all appointments for the next few days. I leave a message for this particular customer and receive the following call back:)

Me: “Good morning, [Company Name], this is [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “I received a message about my install? Something about canceling?”

Me: “Yes, because of the state of emergency and the road closures, we are currently canceling all appointments. I will be contacting you on Monday to reschedule.”

Customer: “No, I cannot wait! I’ve waited too long for my kitchen already; you have to send someone!”

Me: “Ma’am, the installer scheduled for today has been evacuated from his home due to the flooding. He has to take care of his family now. Due to the road closures and current driving conditions, it is unsafe for any of my installers to be on the road, so all appointments are being cancelled.”

Customer: “Then I want my install Monday! This is terrible. You can’t keep me waiting!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have no way of predicting whether or not the situation will improve over the weekend, and I can’t guarantee a Monday appointment. I will contact you Monday to reschedule.”

Customer: “Fine, then! I will be calling [Store] to complain! You’re terrible! I can’t wait another week for my install! I’m going to demand a discount for this!”

Me: “You do whatever you feel you have to, ma’am.”

Customer: *click*

(It’s worth noting that at the time this conversation took place, nearly every major roadway in my city had closures, our entire downtown core was flooded out, and about 100,000 people had been evacuated from their homes!)