It Runs On Imagination

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(An older woman comes in looking for flashlights, and I take her to that section.)

Customer: “Ok then, do any of these flashlights plug in?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, these few here use a built in battery that can be recharged with a power cord.”

Customer: “But I don’t want any batteries, just the cord. Flashlight batteries are always dead every time I need the flashlight!”

Me: “Oh, well I’m sorry, but all we have are these types of flashlights. Why did you want a corded model?”

Customer: “Oh, you know, in case the power goes out.”

Me: “…”

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Welcome To Retail, Part 3

, | | Right | October 2, 2008

(I am watering the plants in the nursery, about two hours before closing time, and see a customer down the aisle.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir? ”

Customer: “Uh… uh… ”

(I then notice that he’s peeing on some of our boxwoods.)

Me: “What–”

Customer: “I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!” ¬†*zips up and runs out*

Coworker: “Did that guy just quote Darkwing Duck at you?!”

Me: *drops watering hose* “I’m taking a break.”

 

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Think Unpoopy Thoughts

| | Right | June 20, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “We’re looking at the toilets. What does the ‘flush rating’ on the box mean?”

Me: “That indicates the amount of flush power.”

Customer: “But what is it measuring?”

Me: “It’s just a general rating to give you an idea of the power of the flush on this model.”

Customer: “And the picture of the basket of golf balls on the box?”

Me: “This is just an illustration claiming this toilet can flush a full bucket of golf balls without clogging.”

Customer: “I worked in an old building once, and whenever I would use the toilet there it would clog up.”

(I smile blandly and pray she doesn’t continue.)

Customer: “Maybe the golf ball toilet would be good then. I mean, if it can handle a whole basket of balls… right?

(My smile wanes, and I hope she doesn’t start describing shape, color, consistency.)

Customer: “Well, food for thought I guess. Oh, dear, I shouldn’t say ‘food’ when it comes to toilets!”

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Yes, It’s For My Longmower

, | | Right | June 14, 2008

Me: “Lawn and Garden, this is Karen.”

(The customer, a very nice lady, explains that she needs a part number for a belt on her riding lawn mower, but she can’t find the manual and doesn’t know the model number of the mower. I have her describe the mower for me so I can narrow it down.)

Customer: “Well, it’s last year’s Cub Cadet model with the 48 inch dick.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I mean DECK!!”

(It took me a good minute or two to stop laughing.)

 

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There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People, Part 2

, | | Right | June 11, 2008

(I overheard a coworker trying to help someone choose a plant.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a nice plant for the front of my house.”

Coworker: “Alright, we have a number of excellent options to choose from. What kind of sun exposure does the spot get?”

Customer: “Well… it’s light all day, then dark at night.”

Me: *losing hope*

 

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