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Legal Tax Is Illegally Taxing

| MN, USA | Home Improvement

(I work in building materials at a large hardware chain where I commonly do estimates for all sorts of projects. On a slow night, a customer with a fairly thick accent comes up and we work up a drywall estimate for his basement.)

Me: “Alright, so, your total is [amount] before tax. Is this something you would like us to deliver or are you picking it up yourself?”

Customer: “How much is delivery?”

Me: “For a driveway drop off it would be [amount].”

Customer: “Really? I guess I’ll pick it up tomorrow.”

(The customer leaves and returns within a few minutes and hands me the paper.)

Customer: “The girl at the register tried to charge me more than what is on this sheet! I want you to come with me to make sure I only pay this.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir, but the system is set up to only charge you this number on the paper. How much was the bill?”

Customer: *slightly higher than ticket amount*

Me: “Okay, but this ticket is just for the pre-tax total. Tax is applied at the register.”

Customer: “Taxes?! Why should I have to pay taxes? I’m an illegal!”

Me: *stunned* I’m sorry, sir, everyone pays taxes. It’s the law.”

Customer: “Then I guess I will have to buy my products from people who don’t charge tax!”

(He stormed off and left his purchase ticket with me.)

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Caught Red-Painted

| USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work in the paint department. We have a policy of changing the color of left-behind paint or stain after closing, since it gets marked down in price. A contractor orders several five-gallon tubs of wood stain in a natural color, but never comes to get it. I have a hunch, and dye each five-gallon a vastly different, but still usable color. Sure enough the next day he comes in, goes straight for the marked down stain, and begins loading them onto his cart before he notices the colors are all different. He angrily storms over to the desk.)

Contractor: “Why are these all different colors?”

(Knowing full well he had ordered them and left them on purpose, I smile.)

Me: “Well, when paint or stain is left over a day, we change the color so would-be thieves don’t come back the next day and try to get their paint for a fraction of the cost.”

(He sputtered at me angrily, and left in a huff with only two of the closest-matching colors he could find. The rest were bought throughout the day by other people.)

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Lumbering Around And Around

| Vidalia, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Popular

(While working in the building materials end of a home improvement store, I have two customers back to back ask me probably the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you sell lumber?”

(I look around at all the plywood, two by fours, and trusses before looking back to him with a deadpan look.)

Me: “Nope.”

Customer #1: *nods* “Thanks, I wasn’t sure. Thanks for your help.”

(Not twenty minutes later, another customer comes in and looks me dead in the eye and says:)

Customer #2: “Where would your lumber be?”

(I point silently up at the sign above us that reads “Lumber.” The customer looks up, then back down at me, before looking up again. After a moment he starts to laugh.)

Customer #2: “My mistake.”

(Later when I’m checking him out, he adds:)

Customer #2: “You know… if it had been me, and someone asked me a dumb question like that, I’d have been sorely tempted to send them on a wild goose chase around the store before bringing them back here.”

Me: “I’ve tried that. It gets old after the fourth or fifth time.”

Gunning For A Sale

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was calling to see if you sell bullets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Do you sell bullets? Like for reloading?”

Me: *thinking maybe he is confused and needs the ‘bullet’ CO2 cartridges we sell for some of our air-powered nailers* “Bullets… as in bullets for guns, or…?”

Customer: “Yes! Bullets! For shooting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we do not. We sell home improvement items and bullets are not a home improvement item.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”

No Longer Deaf To Reason

| Baraboo, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

Customer: “Are you deaf or something? I was trying to talk to you and you ignored me like an idiot!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Sorry, I was blown up by a landmine in Afghanistan and it destroyed most of my hearing in that side.”

(All the while I put on the most offended and hurt face I could muster. The customer’s face was quite possibly the best “I need to rethink my life” face ever.)

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