Raining On Her Parade

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid

(It is raining outside. When it rains, water comes under the door to the garden section, which is located outside. A customer almost slips.)

Customer: “OH MY GOD! I COULD HAVE REALLY HURT MYSELF! YOU PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE WET FLOOR SIGNS WHERE IT IS WET!”

Me: *points to wet floor sign in front of the door*

Customer: “Oh… sorry.”

(She scurries out to her car.)

Invoking Blind Fury

| Culpeper, VA, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

(I’m working in the area of the store where we have patio furniture and the like. Per my standard style, my hair is pulled up but my long bangs are heavily covering my left eye. I’m helping a little old lady with some patio cushions.)

Me: “Yes, this style will fit your furniture. It’s UV-stable, so if it’s out for a long time it won’t damage, crack, or fade too quickly.”

Lady: “Oh, thank you so much! You’ve been just so helpful. Why, it’s so difficult to get straight answers sometimes; everyone’s always in such a hurry!”

(The customer starts rambling a bit, as older ladies sometimes do. I’m used to this behavior, so I tune out just a bit, and consider when I should take my next break. Suddenly I see the customer reach towards my face, and I tune back in immediately.)

Lady: “Young people nowadays just don’t know anything! Look at you! Get that hair out of your face! If you leave your hair in your eye like that, you’ll go cross-eyed!”

(The customer has her hands on my face, and is physically pushing my hair out of my eye. As we’re not allowed to touch customers no matter what, I simply back up. The customer gets aggravated.)

Lady: “Now come here missy, and stop being so disrespectful!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me stop you right there. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t touch me again. Second, if you will let me move my own hair out of the way, you will see that my left eye is severely crossed. I was born with significant strabismus, and can’t see out of that eye. I have never been able to see out of it. I usually have my hair covering my left eye because it often disturbs customers, and they don’t know which eye to look at. So, I don’t think your advice has much weight here, does it?”

Lady: “Well… you should consider yourself lucky! My niece was born with a cataract! Humph!”

(The lady walks away, not buying a single thing I have spent twenty minutes helping her pick out. I sigh, put my hair back in place, and decide yes, this is a great time for a break.)

Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

(I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

(The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

Customer: “It was yellow.”

Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

Customer: “Gree—oh…”

Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”