Cancelling The Doorway To Time Travel

| NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(It’s about eight in the morning and we’ve been open for two hours. I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store Name and location], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I ordered a door yesterday.”

Me: “Okay, did—“

Caller: “I canceled it today.”

Me: “Okay. D—“

Caller: “But I have a receipt that says I paid for it.”

Me: “Hold on, please.” *I mute the phone and turn to my associate at the other desk* “Hey, did a guy come in this morning and cancel his door?”

Coworker: “Yeah, the charge hadn’t even gone through with his bank yet, so he’s good. It’s already canceled out.”

Me: “Okay.” *picks up phone* “Sir, when was your receipt dated? The one that says you paid for it?”

Caller: “Yesterday.”

Me: “And you canceled it this morning?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So.. you… canceled it.”

Caller: “Yeah, but this receipt says I paid for it!”

Me: “The receipt is from the day before you paid for it.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “So it isn’t valid anymore.”

Caller: “But—“

Me: “The receipt from the day you placed the order has been overridden by the cancellation of the order, which was done today. Your receipt is now invalid.”

Caller: “So… I won’t be charged?”

Me: “No, sir.”

(After the call ends, I turn to the other associate.)

Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got a time-traveling ‘Receipt-Lord’ on our hands, guys.”

Mutant Turtles

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I am stocking shelves in our birdseed section.)

Caller: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “I’m looking for something to keep turtles out of my birdfeeder.”

Me: “… What?”

Caller: “My birdfeeder? Those turtles keep pestering my birds and eating all the feed.”

Me: “How would… turtles? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Caller: “I…NEED…TO…KEEP…TURTLES…OUT! Is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “How on earth does a turtle even get onto a birdfeeder?!”

Caller: “Oh, did I say turtles? I meant squirrels! Now I see your confusion!”

Past The Point Of No Return, Part 5

| Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(I am working the returns desk. If a customer returns too many times under an ID instead of a receipt, it blocks them in our return system. To help out someone who just wants to use an ID, I warn them about what may happen and try to find the receipt in my computer first. A customer walks in with some closet doors to return.)

Me: “Hello. Do you have your receipt or the card you may have paid with?”

Customer: “No, just use my ID.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find it? If you use your ID too many times it will block you.”

Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I am a contractor and I am registered with your corporate as a contractor, so I can make as many ID returns I want! So why don’t you just shut up and do your d*** job, or is your job too hard?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was just trying to help out. I wasn’t aware you were a contractor and were registered with corporate.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need your f****** help. Do your d*** job, you stupid idiot. I buy from here all the time and have never been treated so rudely!”

Me: “I AM doing my job, sir, by informing you of some policy you may not have known about. I also politely request you watch your language. You are in a public place and are being very rude to me and the people around you.”

Customer: “I will be rude to who ever I f****** want. I just want you to know you have completely ruined by whole day!” *starts storming off*

Me: *in the most polite voice I can muster* “Well, I hope the rest of your day is fantastic, sir!”

Customer: *flips me the bird* “F*** YOU!”

Related:
Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4
Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
Past The Point Of No Return