In A Very Angry Slate

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Right | April 3, 2014

(A customer is trying to return a flat cart loaded with at least $400 worth of slate tile. I work as an inventory manager at this particular store.)

Customer: “I need to return this tile.”

Returns Associate: “Do you have a receipt or at least the box this tile came in?”

(The customer had neither, so the return could not be processed. The argument went back and forth until finally the customer stormed out of the store. He left his cart of slate tile by the front door, then got into his vehicle and drove it in front of the store. I assumed he was going to load everything back into his vehicle. Instead he dumped the tile onto the ground and moved the cart inside. He got back in his truck and drove it over the pile of tile, back and forth three times, then sped away. All of the employees watched this with wide eyes. We grabbed a couple of trash cans and loaded up the broken pieces. I asked a manager if I could take any of the whole pieces of tile home and was told I could. I was able to completely tile my front porch with all of the whole tile! The customer could have easily sold his tile to any of the contractors or resale shops in the city but instead decided to ‘show us.’)

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Cancelling The Doorway To Time Travel

| NJ, USA | Right | March 1, 2014

(It’s about eight in the morning and we’ve been open for two hours. I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store Name and location], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I ordered a door yesterday.”

Me: “Okay, did—“

Caller: “I canceled it today.”

Me: “Okay. D—“

Caller: “But I have a receipt that says I paid for it.”

Me: “Hold on, please.” *I mute the phone and turn to my associate at the other desk* “Hey, did a guy come in this morning and cancel his door?”

Coworker: “Yeah, the charge hadn’t even gone through with his bank yet, so he’s good. It’s already canceled out.”

Me: “Okay.” *picks up phone* “Sir, when was your receipt dated? The one that says you paid for it?”

Caller: “Yesterday.”

Me: “And you canceled it this morning?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So.. you… canceled it.”

Caller: “Yeah, but this receipt says I paid for it!”

Me: “The receipt is from the day before you paid for it.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “So it isn’t valid anymore.”

Caller: “But—“

Me: “The receipt from the day you placed the order has been overridden by the cancellation of the order, which was done today. Your receipt is now invalid.”

Caller: “So… I won’t be charged?”

Me: “No, sir.”

(After the call ends, I turn to the other associate.)

Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got a time-traveling ‘Receipt-Lord’ on our hands, guys.”

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Mutant Turtles

| MN, USA | Right | February 28, 2014

(I am stocking shelves in our birdseed section.)

Caller: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “I’m looking for something to keep turtles out of my birdfeeder.”

Me: “… What?”

Caller: “My birdfeeder? Those turtles keep pestering my birds and eating all the feed.”

Me: “How would… turtles? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Caller: “I…NEED…TO…KEEP…TURTLES…OUT! Is that so hard to understand?”

Me: “How on earth does a turtle even get onto a birdfeeder?!”

Caller: “Oh, did I say turtles? I meant squirrels! Now I see your confusion!”

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Past The Point Of No Return, Part 5

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | February 25, 2014

(I am working the returns desk. If a customer returns too many times under an ID instead of a receipt, it blocks them in our return system. To help out someone who just wants to use an ID, I warn them about what may happen and try to find the receipt in my computer first. A customer walks in with some closet doors to return.)

Me: “Hello. Do you have your receipt or the card you may have paid with?”

Customer: “No, just use my ID.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find it? If you use your ID too many times it will block you.”

Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I am a contractor and I am registered with your corporate as a contractor, so I can make as many ID returns I want! So why don’t you just shut up and do your d*** job, or is your job too hard?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was just trying to help out. I wasn’t aware you were a contractor and were registered with corporate.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need your f****** help. Do your d*** job, you stupid idiot. I buy from here all the time and have never been treated so rudely!”

Me: “I AM doing my job, sir, by informing you of some policy you may not have known about. I also politely request you watch your language. You are in a public place and are being very rude to me and the people around you.”

Customer: “I will be rude to who ever I f****** want. I just want you to know you have completely ruined by whole day!” *starts storming off*

Me: *in the most polite voice I can muster* “Well, I hope the rest of your day is fantastic, sir!”

Customer: *flips me the bird* “F*** YOU!”

Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4
Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
Past The Point Of No Return

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Unable To Process Your Request

| Perth, WA, Australia | Working | December 31, 2013

(I’m trying to buy my mum’s Christmas present but can’t decide between a food processor and a cake mixer. I walk around in circles in the electronics section of the superstore for 10 minutes. One of the sales assistants finally stops chatting to his coworkers long enough to see me trying to catch their eye. He seems very nervous and shy so I try to be cheerful and friendly to put him at ease.)

Sales Assistant: “Do you need help?”

Me: “Yes. I’m trying to decide between a processor and a mixer. Do you know much about them? My budget is around the $300 mark, so if you can show me the best I can get for that price…?”

Sales Assistant: “Yes. I can help. You could always get a multi-processor that does both.”

(I’ve never heard of a combination mixer-processor before. I let him lead me to where they are.)

Sales Assistant: “See this one? It’s a food processor but it’s also a blender too.”

Me: “Oh, no. Not a blender. I mean a mixer like that.”

(I point to one of the huge cake mixers on the other side of the aisle.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh. Well, I don’t know. I think that’s your choice really.”

Me: “Yeah, I figured. I was looking at this mixer. I’m curious why it only has one whisk instead of two like they usually have?”

(I point clearly to the single whisk of this brand and then to another machine that has the two whisk system I’m used to. He picks up the box for the machine and looks at the back.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh… No, look. It comes with a whisk, a dough hook, a—”

Me: “No, no, no. I know they come with lots of attachments. I mean is there a reason this one only has one and this other one has two?”

Sales Assistant: “Oh! Uh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Never mind, then. I don’t want to get her something if I’m not sure it’ll be the right thing for her. How about these processors? I haven’t used one in a while so I’m not sure exactly what the difference between them is or what they all do.”

Sales Assistant: “Well, your processor is basically… It does all your food preparation like… chopping and cutting and processing…”

Me: *facepalm* “No. I know what they do. I know what they’re for. I just need to know which is the best model in my price range.”

Sales Assistant: “Oh, uh… I don’t really know.”

(The sales assistant then proceeds to look at the boxes for the few models in my price range and literally read their details out to me, which I could have done myself. In the end I just chose the one I was looking at in the first place and hoped for the best!)

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