He Broke Christmas!

| Birmingham, England, UK | Working | December 26, 2014

(I am buying Christmas decorations in a furniture store. The checkout guy is in a hurry, scrabbling through the items on the conveyor, knocking them around.)

Me: “Careful! Those are glass baubles!”

Cashier: “Nah, they’re just plastic. See?”

(He ‘accidently’ knocks them on to the floor.)

Cashier: “Oh. I’ll just get someone to… err… fetch… another set.”

Me: “Yeah, you do that.”

A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

, | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Right | December 18, 2014

(A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

(When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

Customer: “What…?”

Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

Customer: “…what?”

Me: “Have a lovely day.”

(Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

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Lacks The Power For The Job

| AB, USA | Working | December 14, 2014

(My husband is at a home improvement store which will cut for free tile you purchase from them.)

Tile Cutter: “This machine is great! It’s about $750, but we’ll cut your tile for free with it right in front of you! It’s so cool!”

(He turns the saw on and immediately uses the saw to cut through its own power cord, shutting it off and creating a burning smell.)

Tile Cutter: “Um… We’ll call you when your tile’s ready.”

Will Scream Murder At You Later

, | CA, USA | Related | November 22, 2014

(My mom, my grandmother, and I are at [Home Improvement Store]. We are looking at these shish-ka-bobs things that would allow you to cook the stuff on the grill, and a thing to push down to get the food off, without burning yourself.)

Worker: *walking by* “Are you ladies finding everything all right?”

Me: “Yeah, we’re just looking for things to murder each other with.”

Mom: *shouts my name*

Worker: *smiles and walks away laughing*

The Crystal Is Not Clear

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Right | October 8, 2014

(This takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m considering buying a [Very High End Brand] crystal chandelier from you guys. I was wondering… is there a way to tell by looking at it what the brand is? Like, is there a signature etched into the crystal, or something written on the metal part?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; I haven’t seen anything like that.”

Customer: “But if I spend all this money on the best crystal, how are my guests supposed to tell? I’d want everyone to know!”

Me: “Well, each chandelier comes with a certificate of authenticity you could display, or a [Brand] tag you could hang on it if you wanted.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Oh, that wouldn’t be pretentious at all now, would it?” *hangs up*

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