More Sour Than Sweet

| Eugene, OR, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you carry sweet and sour sauce?”

Me: “I don’t think I have any left. Let’s go check the food section.”

(I check.)

Me: “No ,we don’t have any in.”

Customer: “Oh, this is actually a Christmas gift for her.” *points to someone who is in ear shot* “You have just ruined it for her!”

(I immediately have a bitchy inner monologue with myself, saying ‘I’m not a f****** mind reader; don’t take someone you are Christmas shopping for with you when you go!)

Customer: “Where can I go to get this sauce?”

Me: “The grocery store…” *walks away*

A Slight Blip On The Double-Dip

, | Baltimore ,MD, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

(When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

Customer: “What…?”

Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

Customer: “…what?”

Me: “Have a lovely day.”

(Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

The Crystal Is Not Clear

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(This takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m considering buying a [Very High End Brand] crystal chandelier from you guys. I was wondering… is there a way to tell by looking at it what the brand is? Like, is there a signature etched into the crystal, or something written on the metal part?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; I haven’t seen anything like that.”

Customer: “But if I spend all this money on the best crystal, how are my guests supposed to tell? I’d want everyone to know!”

Me: “Well, each chandelier comes with a certificate of authenticity you could display, or a [Brand] tag you could hang on it if you wanted.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Oh, that wouldn’t be pretentious at all now, would it?” *hangs up*