Caught Red-Painted

| USA | Right | March 31, 2016

(I work in the paint department. We have a policy of changing the color of left-behind paint or stain after closing, since it gets marked down in price. A contractor orders several five-gallon tubs of wood stain in a natural color, but never comes to get it. I have a hunch, and dye each five-gallon a vastly different, but still usable color. Sure enough the next day he comes in, goes straight for the marked down stain, and begins loading them onto his cart before he notices the colors are all different. He angrily storms over to the desk.)

Contractor: “Why are these all different colors?”

(Knowing full well he had ordered them and left them on purpose, I smile.)

Me: “Well, when paint or stain is left over a day, we change the color so would-be thieves don’t come back the next day and try to get their paint for a fraction of the cost.”

(He sputtered at me angrily, and left in a huff with only two of the closest-matching colors he could find. The rest were bought throughout the day by other people.)

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Lumbering Around And Around

| Vidalia, GA, USA | Right | February 26, 2016

(While working in the building materials end of a home improvement store, I have two customers back to back ask me probably the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me, do you sell lumber?”

(I look around at all the plywood, two by fours, and trusses before looking back to him with a deadpan look.)

Me: “Nope.”

Customer #1: *nods* “Thanks, I wasn’t sure. Thanks for your help.”

(Not twenty minutes later, another customer comes in and looks me dead in the eye and says:)

Customer #2: “Where would your lumber be?”

(I point silently up at the sign above us that reads “Lumber.” The customer looks up, then back down at me, before looking up again. After a moment he starts to laugh.)

Customer #2: “My mistake.”

(Later when I’m checking him out, he adds:)

Customer #2: “You know… if it had been me, and someone asked me a dumb question like that, I’d have been sorely tempted to send them on a wild goose chase around the store before bringing them back here.”

Me: “I’ve tried that. It gets old after the fourth or fifth time.”

When Loyalty Is Rewarded

| Menlo Park, CA, USA | Working | January 31, 2016

(We are checking out when we hear this:)

Worker #1: *motioning to garden hose that has fallen on the floor* “What happened to this hose?”

Worker #2: *without hesitating* “It wasn’t loyal?”

Maid Of Scary Stuff

, | Charlotte, NC, USA | Working | December 11, 2015

(It’s Halloween night, a while ago before everyone had cell phones. I’m in college and my friends and I have been to an off campus Halloween Party. Being under 21, I am sober and the designated driver. Halfway back to the dorm, my car breaks down. Luckily we are able to pull the car into the parking lot of a popular DIY hardware and building supply store. We decide to see if we could use their phone. The lights are on, but the store closed about 10 minutes ago. Since we were in a bind, I knock lightly on the glass doors.)

Me: “Hello?”

(There are several men inside. All of them fit and strong, like what you’d expect from an employee of a building supply store. They clearly make eye contact, but they aren’t coming to help. Finally one man gets close enough to the glass doors that I feel like he could hear me.)

Me: “My car broke down; could I just step inside and use your phone, please?”

(He looks at me oddly and scurries to the back of the store, out of sight. I assume he has gone to get the keys to the front doors. My friends and I feel relieved and we wait patiently. A long time passes and we start to feel uneasy. No one has returned to the front. Just when I’m considering WALKING the five or so miles to the university in my high heels, a police car pulls into the parking lot. We are all relieved that we might finally get some help. The cop pulls up to our location.)

Me: “Hello, sir! I wonder if you could help us out! My car broke down. I have AAA; I just need to borrow a phone so I can call them.”

Cop: “How long have you been out here?”

Me: “About 45 minutes. We tried to flag down the guys inside the store, but they never came back.”

(The cop starts cracking up. My friends and I are totally taken aback.)

Cop: “I got a call from the guys in the store…”

Me: “Oh, I guess they just didn’t feel comfortable letting us in after closing.”

Cop: “They said there were some scary people trying to get into the store…”

(I look at my friends. We are all 20 years old, dressed as a sexy angel, a sexy witch, and I was dressed as a sexy French maid.)

Me: “Three hopeless, sexy, college chicks in need of help is… scary?”

Cop: “I think they were intimidated. You should probably get used to that. Now, let’s see if I can help you ladies out.”

Your Top Score Was Stolen

| NY, USA | Working | December 4, 2015

(About one year ago, I was hired to be a cashier. Since that time, I have spent most of my time at the desk near the entrance, processing returns. I am called into my manager’s office for my yearly review.)

Manager: “First, I have to say you are doing a great job. In your first year you have personally prevented almost $10,000 worth of theft and fraudulent returns.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. I try my best.”

Manager: “On the other hand, I am going to have to insist that you stop treating everybody that comes in as if you think they are stealing.”

Me: “…Sir?”

Manager: “You open every box that is returned and check every single part to make sure it is there. We have received multiple complaints about it.”

Me: “Isn’t that what I am supposed to do? I remember being told to do exactly that when I was trained.”

Manager: “Nevertheless, I am going to have to give you a two out of five on your eval, and give you a written counseling on how to provide Excellent Customer Service.”

Me: “…”

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