Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea, Part 2

, | | Right | September 7, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy checkout experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

Me: “Okay, and if you could just sign the top line of this receipt copy for the return, you’ll be all set.”

Customer: “Wait, this isn’t my correct address. This address printed on this receipt is not mine.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I realize that. However, our cash registers make us enter address and telephone information whenever anyone does a return or exchange. It’s for fraud prevention, etc. However, whenever I request a customer’s address, they panic, clutch their purse to their chest and hiss, ‘Why would you need to know that?’ Or they shout, ‘I’m not getting on any more god damn mailing lists!’ or they are conspiracy theorists who are convinced that I’m an agent of the government monitoring their spending habits through my DOS-based cash register. Or they think I want to come and hang out with them after I get off work. And it really doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain that it’s a fraud prevention requirement and that I’m neither immediately passing it on to Big Brother nor to my drug dealer named Tito. So I make up addresses because I don’t particularly want to have these conversations anymore.”

Customer, after a long pause: “Yes, that’s a very good plan you’ve come up with.” *scampers away from me*

1 Thumbs
5,874
VOTES

Must Be Using 1% Of Her Brain

| California, USA | Right | August 25, 2011

(Note: if you pay for your items with a debit card at our store, you will receive a coupon worth 1% of your purchase.)

Me: *hands receipt to customer* “There you go! Since you paid with a debit card, there’s a coupon on the bottom of your receipt worth one percent of your purchase today. You can use that coupon on any future purchase. Just make sure to bring this receipt with you so we can redeem the coupon.”

Customer: *stares at coupon* “Where?”

Me: *points* “Right there.”

Customer: “15¢? Really?”

Me: “Yes, that’s one percent of your purchase today.”

Customer: “Well, that doesn’t really help at all.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s not much, but remember that these coupons don’t expire. So, if you get a few more coupons later, you can bring back several to use on the same purchase. They start to add up pretty quick.”

Customer: “Wait, I get more than one?”

Me: “You get a new one every time you buy something here with a debit card.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “So, let’s say you come back here nine more times and pay with a debit card each time. Then, you’d have ten coupons. There’s no limit to how many of these you can use at the same time. In the future, you can bring in like twenty if you want and use them all on the same purchase.”

Customer: “So I get twenty cents off?”

Me: “You’d get the sum of all the individual values of the coupons off, depending on how much you spend.”

Customer: “So how much is that?”

Me: “It depends how much you spend. Each coupon is worth 1% of the total purchase you paid with a debit card.”

Customer: *opens mouth as if to speak, and then walks away, dazed*

 

1 Thumbs
1,410
VOTES

The Employee Is Always Wrong

| | Right | December 11, 2008

Customer Of The Week: The Employee Is Always Wrong
Created by our friends at Quitting Time

Original Story

Full Of Sound And Fury

| | Right | May 28, 2008

(We have a ridiculously long phone greeting, and sometimes we get into the habit of saying it in a way that it does become a little slurred together, but we’ve been getting it slowed down so customers can hear.)

Me: *says essay of a phone greet*

Man with loud booming voice, practically yelling: “FIRST OF ALL YOU NEED TO TALK SLOWER! I AM ON A CELLPHONE!”

Me: “… sorry?”

Man: “SECOND OF ALL, I NEED TO ORDER A LAMP!”

Me: “Sure thing, what kind and how many?”

Man: “HOLD ON, TALK TO MY DAUGHTER. SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING I WANT!”

(I hear him yell across in the same booming voice to get his daughter to order the lamp for him. They bicker for a minute before I hear her and get the order placed.)

Please Let These Questions Be Rhetorical

, | | Right | January 9, 2008

Customer: “Why don’t you have any more??”

Me: “…because everyone else bought them all.”

Customer: “BUT WHY??!”

Me: “I don’t know…maybe for the same reason you want to buy them?”

Customer: “And what reason is that?!”

1 Thumbs
1,747
VOTES