The Customer Strikes Back

| CA, USA | Technology

(I’ve finally gotten around to playing the video game, ‘Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.’ Since I’ve never played before, I talk to all the characters standing and walking around. In the cantina on the starting world, I have an encounter with one of the patrons.)

Woman: “Where did you get those clothes, a trash compactor in the lower city? And where are those drinks we ordered?”

Real Me: “Wow, rude little brat.”

Me In Game: “Who are you and why are you bossing me around?”

Woman: “Why is the help here so incompetent? One word from daddy and I could get you fired!”

Real Me: “Holy crap, it’s a virtual Not Always Right story.”

Me In Game: “I don’t even work here!”

Woman: “How dare you speak to me like that? Daddy’s going to hear about this!” *runs off*

Real Me: “Okay, this was some impressive realism for a Star Wars game.”

(Later, when I left the cantina, she showed back up and set some thugs on me. I shot down her thugs Han Solo style, and she ran off screaming for daddy. It’s a good thing most real life stories don’t go that far!)

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 6

| WA, USA | Health & Body, Religion

(I am an RN that goes around to people’s homes. I get an order to obtain a blood draw from a particularly religious patient who refuses to let me try anywhere except the tiny blood vessels in her hand. As I’m on my second attempt, apparently she thinks I need a little help…)

Patient: *loudly, with eyes closed* “Lord Jesus, help her find that blood! Send the blood to her Jesus; she needs your help! Draw her to that vein, oh Lord, and show your power!”

Me: *as I finally hit a vein* “Got it!”

Patient: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Not you.”

Me: “A little bit me…”

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3

Had Good Just Cause

| Canada | Bizarre, Prank

(We have a family friend who is known for prank phone calling us. The phone rings and my dad answers and the voice on the other end sounds just like his friend when he tries to do a fake accent.)

Caller: “Hello, sir, I’m calling on behalf of the missing children’s foundation. We are looking for donations to—”

Dad: *cutting him off and deciding to play along* “Oh, I’m so sorry, I can’t donate to that. You see, I already donate generously to the missing turtles foundation.”

Caller: “Uh, the what, sir?”

Dad: “The missing turtles foundation. It’s a very worthy cause helping lost turtles.”

Caller: I see, well, sir, I am sure it’s a very worthy cause but let me tell you a little bit about the missing children’s foundation.”

(The caller goes into a big spiel about the foundation and talks for a good 10 minutes. My Dad is impressed with his friend’s commitment to this one. After a good ten minutes have passed….)

Dad: “I’m sorry, could you start again. I wasn’t listening!”

(The caller keeps his calm and politely begins his spiel again. Finally my dad interrupts again.)

Dad: “All right, all right, I will donate to your cause! It’s not turtles but it sounds good!”

Caller: “Thank you, sir! Let me transfer you to my supervisor and she can collect the donation!”

(At this point my dad gets confused, thinking his friend may pass the phone to his wife. However his wife has never been involved in any of the prank calls before.)

Supervisor: *who sounds nothing like our friend’s wife* “Thank you for choosing to donate, sir! We can get started on the process.”

Dad: “Uh, I thought this was a prank call!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, sir? You thought this was a prank?”

(Needless to say my dad was pretty embarrassed and gave them a good donation for all the trouble! Our prankster family friend thought it was hilarious when we shared the story with him!)

Likes To Toy With Other People’s Purchases

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(My family is having a garage sale. I’m in my early teens, and I’ve decided to part with a collection of plastic horses. A very old woman hobbles around, looking at all of the toys, before stopping in front of my horses.)

Old Woman: “Oh, these are perfect! I’ve been looking for something for my granddaughter’s birthday, and I know she would love these! She’s always loved horses.”

Me: “I’m sure she will! How old is your granddaughter?”

(She and I chat for a little bit, and I like this grandmother more and more with everything she says. She’s clearly very sincere about wanting something special for her granddaughter. When she asks the price for the collection, I decide to sell them for less than I’d planned.)

Old Woman: “Thank you so much! I just need to run to my car to get my purse.”

(I wait by the horses while she hobbles back to her car. While she’s looking for her purse, a younger woman pulls up to the house, jumps out of her car, and starts snatching up armfuls of anything that looks like it’s in good condition. She comes up to the toy table and reaches for my horses.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, but someone already claimed these.”

Young Woman: “Well, I’m going to buy them.”

Me: “I’m selling them to that woman over there. She’s just getting her purse.”

(The woman looks around and sees the old woman coming back. She lowers her voice and acts all sneaky about it.)

Young Woman: “She hasn’t paid for them yet, so they’re still up for grabs! Quick! Give them to me!”

Me: “No. These are mine to sell and I’m giving them to her. Sorry. My sister has some other toys over there you can look at.”

Young Woman: *catching a glimpse of something she likes at my sister’s table* “Ugh. Fine. Your loss.” *she leaves and begins snatching up more things seemingly at random*

(I might not have made as much money as I could have, but seeing the older woman so happy with her gift for her granddaughter makes me smile even now years later.)

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The Wrong Number For The Right Restaurant

| Jerusalem, Israel | Bizarre, Popular

(This story is remarkable not because of anybody’s behavior, but because of the enormity of the coincidence. I am at home, and the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Hi, this is the German consulate. We’d like to make a reservation for 8:00 tonight.”

Me: “Um… I think you have the wrong number.”

Woman: “This isn’t [Restaurant]?”

Me: *surprised* “Well, I did propose to my wife at that restaurant, but other than that I have nothing to do with them!”

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