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Looking For Order 69

| Right | April 1, 2016

(I work at Blockade-Buster Holovideo rental. Most species have moved on to streaming and Hutflix, but we still cater to the older crowd. A tiny little green being with big ears waddles into the store with a walking stick.)

Me: “Hello there, looking for anything specific today?”

Customer: “The dark side, I sense in you.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “Back room, you have? Very dark holovideos, I seek.”

Me: “Oh! Yes, we do have a back room for our clients who want more… adult fare.”

Customer: “Recommend one, you will.”

Me: “I’ve actually never seen one.”

Customer: “Felt the Force, have you not?!”

Me: “Uhmmm, not really.”

Customer: “Good. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Consume you, it will.”

Me: “Well… anyway. Back of the store, turn left. You’ll find what you’re looking for.”

(The weird little green dude waddles off to the back. He comes back moments later with a large pile of holovids.)

Me: “Whoa, that’s a big pile.”

Customer: “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm?”

Me: “No, of course not! I was just trained to be friendly with the customers.”

Customer: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

Me: “Ooookay, then. Let’s get you rung up.”

Customer: *handing me the holovid on the top of the pile* “My favorite, this one is.”

(I look to see he has selected ‘Fifty Shades Of The Dark Side.’ I look back to the customer, who is giving me a creepy look.)

Customer: “Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.”

Me: “Uh…”

(I get him all rung up before he can say anything else cryptic and perverted. As he’s leaving.)

Me: “Okay, so those are good for the next seven days. Please try to get them back on time.”

Customer: *as he’s walking out the door* “Do or do not. There is no try.”