She’s Chalk…

, , , , , | Friendly | April 14, 2019

(I buy a cheese pastry in a supermarket and, after paying for it, I sit down at a table they have in there for people to rest during their shopping or wait for other shoppers to finish and I start eating it.)

Lady: *keeps staring intensely at my pastry*

Me: “Would you like to have a piece?”

Lady: “Oh, no, I really don’t like cheese.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Thankfully, I do.”

Lady: “Yeah… No, I really don’t like cheese.”

Me: “Okay.”

Lady: “If I ate only a small piece of cheese I would vomit.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “Yes, I would vomit right away. I really, really don’t like cheese. I think it’s really disgusting. For my entire life, I never liked it. I don’t even want to think about eating it. Cheese is disgusting.”

Me: “…”

Lady: “You know, if there was one thing I could ban from the world completely, it would be: fruit juice with apple juice mixed in it, cheese, and red peppers, but seriously, those are really dangerous.”

(Thankfully, I enjoyed the rest of my pastry in silence.)

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Marriage, Thy Name Is Nepotism

, , , | Working | February 12, 2019

(I work at this small IT office. The boss’s wife is one of my coworkers; she can be very bossy and has a temper. I have worked here for almost a year now, mostly ignoring her outbursts.)

Me: “Good morning. I am calling you for a ticket that was made by your company yesterday. It was issued by Mr. [Employee].”

Company: “Sorry, but Mr. [Employee] is not available right now; he is sick at home.”

(Ten minutes later I hear the boss’s wife talking to another coworker.)

Boss’s Wife: “I still need to call Mr. [Employee]. He wanted to talk to me about some pricing issues.”

Me: “Oh, he’s sick. I’ve just talked to his company on the phone.”

Boss’s Wife: “STOP LISTENING IN! I’M GROWN UP; I CAN MAKE MY OWN CALLS. IF I WANT TO CALL HIM, I WILL!”

Me: “Wow, calm down. Sorry. I did not mean to decide for you. I just heard you saying his name… and you are sitting next to me.”

Boss’s Wife: “YOU HAVE NO REASON TO LISTEN IN ON MY CONVERSATION. I WILL TAKE THIS TO THE BOSS!”

(She runs out, clearly very angry.)

Coworker: “Well, now you’ve done it. You’ve been the twelfth new guy to piss her off. It was nice knowing you.”

Me: “She can’t seriously fire someone over this… can she?”

(And yes, two hours later, I was given two minutes to clear my desk, without even a chance to say goodbye to my colleagues.)

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Been Taking Too Many Mushrooms From The Mushroom Kingdom

, , , , | Right | December 18, 2018

(I work in a retro gaming store. We sell both modern consoles and retro consoles. I am working in the retro department when a middle-aged female customer comes up to the desk. We don’t complete purchases, just advise and assist customers.)

Customer: “I am looking for a Zelda or Mario game for the PlayStation 2.”

Me: “Ma’am, those characters are property of Nintendo; the PlayStation 2 is made by Sony a competitor.”

Customer: “Yes, but I used to play Zelda and Mario as a child. You wouldn’t know anything about old consoles; you are too young.”

(I am a 20-plus-year-old guy who, thanks to a short height and a clean shave, looks like I’m 16. I grew up with the NES and SNES and other consoles due to my mother playing them, and they still work.)

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you I still own almost every console that is for sale here and play them regularly. Now, would you like me to look for games that are Mario or Zelda-like for the PlayStation?”

Customer: *huffs* “Well, if you don’t have them as you ‘acclaim’ I’ll have to look for them myself.”

(She walks to the Xbox Classic section of the store.)

Me: “[Coworker], could… could you explain to her that the PlayStation 2 games are here… I’m gonna take my five now.”

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Warning: Contains Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I work at the service counter at a big retailer in the area. Today has been a pretty bland day. A elderly customer has just come up with a value-size peanut butter to return.)

Me: “Hi, sorry about the wait. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want to return this.”

Me: “Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, it has peanuts in it.”

(And no, she did not mean that it was crunchy peanut butter. I waited until after she left to laugh about it.)

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