Due to scheduling conflicts, one of my coworkers can’t make an “event”, so she asks another coworker if she can. This second coworker (we’ll call her Jane) asks me to go to this “event” with her. Because it’s during work hours (and I don’t have too much to do), and we get paid, I accept. 

It turns out that this “event” is decorating a house for a charity our company works with every year. It’s not too far from the office, we get coffee on the way, and what could be better than taking some (paid) time off to take some photos and be nice and helpful? 

This house has bins and bins full of ornaments, and we decide we’re going to help decorate the tree. One of the people living there helps us, and it’s incredibly fun. 

When we start deciding where to put the ornaments, I notice that the tree is listing a little to the side. Not to worry! I get Jane to hold it straight before wiggling my way underneath it to tighten the screws. Luckily, it’s a fake tree. One of the workers tells us that the base isn’t the right one; after all the years they’ve spent in that house, they’ve got kind of a franken-tree. This happens a couple of times, in fact: Jane holds the tree up, and I screw it back in. 

When the tree and its room are finally done (and absolutely beautiful, in our opinion), we decorate outside with garland and wreaths and take so many photos. 

We’re only there for a few hours, and our supervisor wants us back by early afternoon, so about ten minutes before we have to leave, Jane asks if there’s anything else we can do. We feel we haven’t done much, but they thank us profusely and tell us there are several options for corporate outings if we so desire. 

And then… we hear a crash from the other room. You’d better believe it: the tree has fallen over. 

Tree: on the floor. Ornaments: broken. Glass: everywhere. The fairly large angel that I placed on top has been thrown into another room, and one of her arms is misshapen. 

We grimly decide that this is what we’re gonna do for the next ten minutes: fix the tree. 

All six of us (Jane and me included) take charge. We grab brooms and dustpans for the floor, two of us work on getting the tree at least upright, with me on the bottom to move the base, and Jane carefully picks up the bigger bits of ornaments the tree covered.

We decide that because the tree was originally in the center of an alcove, let’s just… shove it into the corner so it can lean. We’ll put other stuff in the other corner. It’s fine. At least we got photos from BEFORE the tree fell over? 

We take a selfie outside, and Jane and I head back to the office, job somewhat well done? 

The house we went to was a halfway house for homeless women, one of two in the area. Jane and I actually had a fantastic time; we had great chats with the people living and working there, and I got to geek out with one of them over Pokémon! What could be better? 

It reminded us not to take anything for granted this holiday season, regardless of where we are.

Our store has some turnstiles near the entrance and exit. They usually spin in both directions, but for our Black Friday sale, we have set them to only allow customers in at the entrance and out at the exit. This is so we can stagger the crowds entering and ensure we don’t get a stampede like we got last year.

Later in the day when the crowds have died down a little, a customer tries to step in via the exit, realizes they can’t, and waits briefly in line to enter via the entrance. Instead of shopping, they immediately stomp up to me to complain about the turnstiles being locked into a one-way system.

Me: “Sir, it’s a safety issue.”

Customer: “But I don’t care about that!”

Me: “Sir, last year, we had a Black Friday rush, and the stampede injured a worker. They broke their collar bone.”

Customer: “But it’s highly inconvenient!“

My manager is thankfully nearby.

Manager: “Actually, sir, it’s for your convenience. Y’see, the one-way system stops the staff from escaping, as they’re prone to do over Black Friday. It keeps them all penned inside so they’re better positioned to provide assistance.”

Customer: “Well… that’s all right, then.”

The customer stomps off the way they came, and my manager turns to me.

Manager: “We’re scum to them. To make them go away, explain how it benefits them, not us. Lie if you have to.” 

That piece of retail advice saved me from useless arguments many times over the years!

I’m the charge nurse in a huge emergency room. It’s a holiday, and we are very busy. The secretary comes up to me and says there’s a phone call from somebody who just got discharged. The caller is yelling about 911 and saying they have a major emergency. I drop what I’m doing and take the call.

Patient: “You need to call 911! Call them right now!”

Me: “What’s going on? What’s the emergency?”

Patient: “I just spent all day in your ER. I had such a bad headache, and they had to give me medicine in an IV.”

Me: “Okay. What’s happening now?”

Patient: “The medicine made me so drowsy, and they told me not to drive home, so I called a taxi. They dropped me off at my house.”

Me: “Fine, but why are you talking about 911? If you need an ambulance—”

The caller interrupts and talks over me. 

Patient: “Not an ambulance! You need to call 911! Call the police! They were here, and they took my money. You need to tell them to give it back.”

Me: “… What? You’re telling me the police stole your money.”

Patient: “The taxi driver called them. I told him I wasn’t paying. I came from the hospital, so it should be free. He called the police, and they came to my house, and they said I had to pay for the fare.”

Me: “Who told you the cab ride would be free?”

Patient: “Call the police! Call the cab company! Tell them the ride is free! Give my money back!”

Me: “Miss, I’m not in charge of the cab company. I’m certainly not in charge of the police. And I don’t even have your money.”

The patient yells an insult down the phone. 

Patient: “If you don’t give my money back right now, I’m coming back there, and people are going to get hurt.”

Me: “Oh, you just said the magic words. I’ll call the police for you right now. What’s your address?”

The patient gave me her name and address. I hung up, called 911, and reported that she had made threats against the hospital. 

About an hour later, the patient wound up back in my ER, this time in handcuffs. Apparently, when the police got to her house, she took a swing at a cop. They brought her to us to get the taser darts removed.

There’s a bag in our inventory that I was planning on buying after my shift ended. An older lady brings one of the bags to the register.

Me: “Oh, you have good taste! I’m going to get that same bag after my shift.”

Customer: “Oh… oh, no! This is the last one!”

Me: “Not to worry!”

After she checks out, she hands me the bag.

Customer: “It’s a Christmas gift from me to you.”

Me: “Oh! No, I couldn’t—”

Customer: “The customer is always right!” 

She shoved it at me and ran out of the store. I still have the bag over a decade later!

It’s the holiday season, and our post office is very busy. Customers come in and take a numbered ticket, and we call each number in order. This should be very easy to understand…

Me: “No, ma’am, I have explained that you’re number thirty-eight. We’re only on number twenty-five. Please wait your turn.”

Customer: “But I’ve been waiting for over twenty minutes, and I need to post these presents!”

Me: “It will still be a little longer.”

Customer: “What if I said I left my dog in the car?”

Please bear in mind that, in Australia, Christmas falls in the summer, so it is currently very hot outside.

Me: “Did you leave your dog in a car outside?”

Customer: “What if I did?”

Me: “Then I’d tell you to leave now and see to your dog or I am calling the police.”

Customer: “Oh, my God, overreact much? I didn’t leave my dog in my car! I’ll just wait.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we’re allowed to refuse service, and I am doing so as you’ve given me probable cause that by remaining here you’re putting an animal in harm. Leave now to attend to your dog. None of us will serve you today.”

Customer: “I don’t have a dog in my car! I just made that up!”

Me: “Too late. We’re not serving you.”

Customer: “But then you’ll ruin my Christmas!”

Me: “No, you ruined your Christmas. Get out.” 

The customer stormed out, but I asked security to check on her car in the parking lot. Thankfully, she had no dog in there!