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It Was A Christmas Miracle He Wasn’t Arrested

, , , , , , , | Right | December 24, 2021

It’s Christmas and my family is shopping at a big box store. My husband and kids browse the toys while I grab some essentials. My husband whispers to me that he’s found a perfect gift for our oldest and he has stuffed it under his shirt to keep it a surprise.

We head up to the checkout and I unload our cart. At this point, we hear the employees’ walkie-talkies going off with some random code. We ignore it and push up our items. I then grab the kids and announce that we will get loaded into the car while my husband pays. The kids are delighted and skip out. 

My husband then pulls out the toy and pays for all our shopping, making a joke with the cashier about how hard it is to keep gifts a surprise. He looks around and realizes that there are three security guards now stationed at the door and the cashier confirms that they assumed he was trying to shoplift. 

Lesson learned: just come back to buy the gift later instead of worrying security.

The Gift That Keeps On Taking

, , , , , | Related | December 24, 2021

Each year at family Christmas, I notice the same thing: as we arrive with our kids, my husband’s stepmother tells him that she needs milk. She always conveniently forgets to buy it when shopping the day before, so he diligently goes out in search of an open store. Most shops and even gas stations close on Christmas Day, so he often takes up to an hour trying to locate a shop. We try asking for her to let us know before we leave home, and my husband often calls to let them know we are on our way.

One year, I’ve had enough. I buy an extra two litres of milk myself and we take that with us on Christmas. As we walk in, my husband is greeted with:

Stepmother: “[Husband], you have to go out and get some milk.”

He holds the bottle up in triumph. We do the same the next year.  

Stepmother: “Oh, good, you have the milk! But now you have to go out and get some ice.”

The year after, I buy milk and ice. My husband complains that it takes up too much room in the freezer and asks me why I bought it. Christmas Day, he enters his parents’ house.

Stepmother: “We need milk.”

[Husband] holds up the bottle.

Stepmother: “Okay, but we need ice, too.”

Grinning, [Husband] holds up the bag of ice.

The following year, we get a phone call at 8:00 am. My husband answers the call.  

Husband: “That was [Stepmother]; she needs me to bring over some lemons right now for some recipe she’s making. You get the kids ready and I will be back as soon as I can.”

Me: “Okay, you might as well take the milk and ice with you now.”

Husband: “They got those yesterday. I think she does this on purpose.”

Almost two hours later, he returns. When we go over at lunchtime, I look at the food served and notice that none of it could have been made with lemons. My husband asks about it and is told that they needed them for the seafood breakfast they had with his sister and brother-in-law.

Husband: “Why couldn’t [Brother-In-Law] go out and get the lemons? He’s got a car.”

Stepmother: “Oh, we all had too much to drink.”

Husband: “It was eight am!

Stepmother: “We started drinking at six. Anyway, you don’t drink, so we knew you would do it. It’s your fault you don’t drink.”

We didn’t go for Christmas the next year.

Schooling The Church On The Subject Of Charity

, , , , , | Learning | December 24, 2021

This happened twenty-five years ago and I’m still mortified. My child attended a school in a swanky neighborhood because he was in special education. The neighborhood had a street with the same name as my street, except my street was NE and the other was SE.

One day before Christmas, I received a telephone call on my UNLISTED phone.

Caller: “I’m from [Church]. We were out delivering Christmas gifts yesterday and we could not find your house.”

Me: *Eloquently* “What?”

Caller: “[School] gave us your child’s name as someone who needs Christmas presents.”

Me: “I don’t need any Christmas presents. Give them to someone who needs them!”

Caller: “Are you sure you’re not just being proud?”

Me: “HE’S GETTING [POPULAR GAMING SYSTEM]!”

Honestly, I’d have reported this violation of federal law, but I liked the teacher. You can’t give out student information like that!

Chris-missed

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: AdamLocke3922 | December 24, 2021

Sometimes I can’t believe these people are real.

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “You can tell me why my parcel isn’t at my front door! It was a Christmas present for my son that I ordered before Christmas, and [Discount Retailer] promised me that the parcel would be here today. And they’re very pissed at you guys and are going to press charges.”

Me: “Well, we’re not beholden to a delivery date that a third-party company gives you. Do you have a tracking number so I can check where the parcel is for you?”

Customer: “No, I haven’t gotten it from them yet.”

Me: “Okay, can I get your address?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s [address].”

I go use another piece of software to find the tracking for the parcel.

Me: “Okay, I’ve got the tracking number here and I can see that we’ve only received the manifest from the sender today and haven’t actually physically received your parcel, so you’re looking at an estimated delivery date of three business days from now.”

Customer: “[Discount Retailer] is going to press charges against you guys because, in their terms, if the parcel doesn’t arrive on the day they say, then they have to give me a refund.”

Me: “Okay, well, you can go tell [Discount Retailer] to call us and they can certainly try to press charges against us.”

Customer: “Well, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll also press charges cause you’re f****** with my son’s Christmas present. I sued the state government because I got cancer working for them.”

He then goes on an expletive-laden rant.

Me: “If you continue to be abusive, I’ll hang up on you.”

Customer: “Hang up, then!”

Me: “Thank you, bye.”

He never called back, so I guess he must be speaking to a lawyer.

That’s One For The Holiday Books

, , , , | Right | December 24, 2021

I work in an indie bookshop. It is two days before Christmas. We’re packed so there’s three of us working. Ten large boxes arrive (it’s a mixture of restock and customer order) so we start sorting through it. Our usual process for customer orders is that we ring them up to let them know their order has arrived. Simple concept, right? Apparently not.

A guy comes in:

Customer: *Demanding.* “Get my order!”

We look up his order: three flat kids’ books.

Me: “Sir, we haven’t called you to pick these up yet, and the books haven’t arrived yet, but I reckon they might be in the remaining seven boxes we have yet to unpack.”

Customer: “Then get me my books!”

Me: “You’re going to have to wait while we sort through them.”

He gets angrier and angrier, eventually resorting to assaulting my coworker who’s shelving books. We threaten to call the police. Some of the other customers butt in and tell him to stop. We give the angry man a refund and tell him to get out and never come back.

When we eventually got to the end of the ten boxes, his books were nowhere to be seen. I think they arrived after Christmas, so we popped them on the shelves and sold them out of spite.