The Holidays Are In Good Shape

, , , , , | Related | December 27, 2019

(My sister is trying to help my six-year-old nephew write a Christmas list.)

Sister: “Okay, [Nephew], what’s something that you need?”

Nephew: “A toothbrush and toothpaste?”

Sister: “I meant, what do you want for Christmas?”

Nephew: “Oh, presents.”

Sister: *laughing to herself a little* “Yes, but what presents?”

Nephew: “I don’t know. A square one, maybe?”

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Two Dollars Two Much  

, , , , , , | Right | December 27, 2019

(I’m working at a “big box” store in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. It’s after Christmas and all wrapping paper is on sale. At first, it is marked down to $1 a roll; this weekend that I’m working as a cashier, it has been discounted to 50 cents. A well-dressed man and his family come through my line with some odds and ends and wrapping paper. I ring up the wrapping paper; it hasn’t been changed in the system, so it comes up as $1.)

Customer: “No! That rang up wrong! It says back there it’s 50 cents! I can’t believe this place! You’d better change it now!”

Me: “I did see that it was marked down.”

Customer: *shuffling around* “You’d better get someone over here to change it.”

Me: “It’s not a big deal, sir. I can change the price myself under $20.”

(His wife and kids are just standing silently as I change the price to save him a whopping $2.)

Customer: “Did you change all of them?!

Me: “Yes, they are all changed.”

Customer: “Let me see.”

(I show him the price change and he hands me his credit card as if he is completely disgusted with me, as if I somehow tried to scam him out of $2. He continues to talk bad about me and the store and says, “Come on!” to his family as they move through the line and leave. The next customer walks up and we both give each other looks like “What was that all about?”)

Me: *chuckling* “How are you today?”

Nice Lady Customer: “Better than that guy, ha.”

(I continue to ring her things up.)

Nice Lady Customer: “Oh… I think the last guy forgot his bag.”

(I look over to see the bag of wrapping paper that the last customer had screamed about — freaked out over $2! — just sitting there as he forgot it in his haste to leave.)

Me: “Hmm, that’s too bad.”

(I finished ringing this lady up and, since no one else was in my line, I immediately took his bag of wrapping paper to customer service as merchandise that was left out and needed to be put back out on the floor. Merry Christmas, a**hole.)

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The Gift Card That Gave Up Giving

, , , , , | Working | December 26, 2019

(My mother-in-law sends us a gift card for Christmas to a large department store. I seldom shop at that store because it is always a pain in the, er, neck. But, with the card being only good there, I have to suck it up. We pick out something for the whole family that would ring up to about the limit of the card and head to the register.)

Cashier: “That will be $101.62.”

Me: “Okay, I have this card for $100 of it, and I’ll pay cash for the last bit.”

Cashier: “We don’t take that card.”

Me: “It’s a gift card for this store. This is the only place it can be used.”

Cashier: “We don’t take it.”

Me: “You don’t take cards with this store’s name on it, purchased at a store with this store’s name on it?”

Cashier: “No.”

Me: “Well, you do. Run the card for $100, and I’ll pay cash for the rest or you can run $1.62 in cash and then run the card.”

Cashier: “We. Don’t. Take. That. Card.”

Me: “You. Do. Get. Your. Manager.”

(She rolls her eyes and calls a manager. It takes quite a while, and the whole time she stands staring at me and I just stare back. Finally, the manager arrives.)

Cashier: “She wants to use a card we don’t take.”

Manager: “You can’t use it.”

Me: “Would you like to see the card?”

Manager: “Okay.”

(I show the card with the store’s name clearly on the front.)

Manager: “We don’t take it.”

Me: “Try running it and see what happens.”

(The manager says nothing and half-heartedly swipes the card. The total drops to $1.62 on the screen.)

Manager: “See? It didn’t cover the sale.”

(Being completely fed up with this, I dropped the exact change in coins on the counter.)

Me: “Do you take cash?”

Manager: “The total was, what was the total? The total was over $100.”

Me: “Yes, and you ran the card for $100; the register clearly shows that. Here you have the rest. Now I need my receipt.”

Manager: “You have to pay first.” *actually getting pissy*

Me: “I have. Type in $1.62 and hit the cash button and see what happens.”

(She actually does, and the drawer pops open and a receipt spits out. The manager looks at the register, looks at me, looks at the cashier, looks at the receipt, and looks back at me with eyes a bit wide. I reach out, snatch the receipt, pick up the item, and walk out the door saying quite loudly:)

Me: “This is why I don’t shop here.”

(That chain has finally gone under. I shopped there one other time in the next decade. It just wasn’t worth the hassle.)

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Take A Holiday Chill Pill

, , , , , , , | Related | December 26, 2019

One year for Christmas, my grandmother gives me a “Christmas break survival box” to get me through the weeks I’ll be stuck in the house with my three younger brothers. It’s a creative idea, and I’m excited as I pull out a knit blanket, a few books, and a CD.

Then, I come across a red and white bottle. It looks like a pill bottle and I’m very confused. I read the brown paper label, which identifies the contents as “Brother-B-Gone. Temporary. Take four and crunch loudly so you can’t hear brothers. May also be used as a bribe to make them go away.”

I open the bottle and find it full of M&Ms. I’m relieved to find that I have not, in fact, been given a bottle of pills.

This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!

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Read the Gorgeous Grandma roundup!

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A-Wrist-ed Development

, , , , | Related | December 26, 2019

(My brother and I have just received identical smartwatches as Christmas gifts from our parents.)

Me: “Oh, yours is the same. How will we tell them apart?”

Brother: “Mine will be the one on my wrist…”

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