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I Open My Mouth And Reality Spills Out

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: DreamQueen710 | September 28, 2021

I am working an Easter brunch. I am behind the bar, so I have a few regulars stop in throughout the shift.

Regular: “I’m sorry you all have to work today but thank you very much for the meal and company. I hope you’re making time-and-a-half for working on a holiday!”

I don’t even realize what I’m saying until the words have left my mouth.

Me: “We make $2.13 an hour, so even if we were getting holiday pay, it wouldn’t mean much.”

The other guest at the bar and my regular, looked totally shocked. I tried to laugh it off and change the topic, but… Oops. I told.

Honestly, Who Raised You?!

, , , | Right | CREDIT: votedog | July 17, 2021

This happens on Mother’s Day years and years ago. I have two large tables; one holds fifteen and the other holds twelve.

The twelve-top is seated. I take their drink order and go in the back to get it. They decide they like the fifteen-top table in my section better, get up, and move there. A hostess comes up with the fifteen-top that was meant to sit at that table. She’s confused and comes to find me. I approach the table.

Me: “I’m sorry but we’re going to need your party to move back to your original table. This is set for fifteen people and you have twelve.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, we were way too squished there. We like this better.”

I point to the party of fifteen waiting.

Me: “This table is set for them. They have fifteen. You will need to move back.”

A woman from the fifteen-top approaches.

Customer #2: “This is our table. We have fifteen! You heard her; move back to your table.”

Customer #1: “No. It’s Mother’s Day and I want my mother to have the best table.”

Customer #2: “Oh, and my mother doesn’t deserve to have a nice table?”

They start to argue loudly. The manager shows up and tells the twelve-top they need to move. They refuse and start to call him names, like children.

Customer #1: “You need to shut the f*** up and do as you’re told!”

The manager gives her a look like, “Oh, really?”

Manager: “That’s it. You need to leave.”

The table erupts as they start yelling, but nobody gets up. The manager takes me aside.

Manager: “Do not serve them. Let them sit. If they don’t leave, we’ll call the police.”

The fifteen-top finds another home. The hostess sits the empty twelve-top with another group, so I put my energy into them. [Customer #1] waves at me as I pass by but I don’t stop.

Customer #1: “God d*** it, she’s ignoring us!”

The manager goes by again.

Manager: “You have five minutes to leave or I’m calling the police.”

The fight between them was ugly and everyone was watching. [Customer #1] and another man with her got in the manager’s face, but he kept his cool. Finally, they gave up and exited the restaurant.

As they left, I couldn’t help but notice the little old woman with them, probably [Customer #1]’s mother. She was all dressed up with her hair done up, and she was probably starving. She hadn’t spoken a word during the chaos, and her entire day was ruined because of her daughter’s selfish actions. I just don’t understand people sometimes.

Not Acting Cool

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2021

For the Fourth of July, our manager puts those “Thank a Veteran” Cokes in an iced-down chest in front of the registers.

I’m working the night after the Fourth when a customer decides she doesn’t want the three battery-operated string lights in her hands. She dumps them in the coolers, which are now full of water.

I hurry over so the items don’t get ruined in the water.

Me: “Ma’am, do you mind handing me those items so I can put them back where they belong?”

Customer: “You don’t have to be rude about it. I have a sinus infection!”

I finished ringing up her purchase in silence, confused as to how a sinus infection causes someone to knowingly ruin product.

Mac And Please

, , , , , , | Right | July 4, 2021

I work at a well-known but smaller size retail store. This morning, three girls came in and bought the stuff to make homemade macaroni and cheese from scratch.

In conversation, I told them that’s the one thing I just can’t seem to make.

A couple of hours, later they came back in with a big plate of BBQ and a huge side of mac and cheese. They said it was because I was so nice and that the store was open on the fourth of July.

That absolutely made working today worth it.

We’re Guessing She Doesn’t Go To Public School

, , , , , | Learning | June 19, 2021

I am an assistant for a Sunday school working with three- to five-year-old children. Class hasn’t yet started today, so I’m trying to entertain some of the early arrivals in the meantime.

Me: “What are you going to dress up as for Halloween?”

A few kids shout out their costume choices. However, one little girl who doesn’t usually frequent our church speaks up afterward. She speaks in a completely serious voice.

Girl: “We don’t do Halloween because it makes baby Jesus cry.”

I swear that was the first, and only, time I’d ever heard someone use the whole “makes baby Jesus cry” phrase with complete seriousness. I had trouble just keeping a straight face and pretending that was a normal comment.

I didn’t see the girl back again. I suppose our heathen church that would allow children to enjoy a secular holiday that wasn’t harming anyone in any way wasn’t up to her parent’s standards.