(I am working at a gift-wrapping booth at the mall. Since it is Christmas time, there are a lot of security guards around. A couple of security guards walk by the gift-wrap booth, eyeing the price list.)
Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”
Female Security Guard: “Excuse me, how much would it be to wrap him up?” *points at one of the other security guards*
(My family and I are at a mall doing some Christmas shopping.)
Dad: “Well, guys, can you think of anything you want for Christmas?”
Mom: “Hey, an Apple Store! I know what I want!”
(She runs in. Knowing that she knows nothing about technology, I run in after her. One of the Apple store attendants is already on her.)
Attendant: “Hello, how can I help you today?”
Mom: “Yes, I’d like a Nintendo Wii, please?”
(The attendant gives her a blank stare. I stop dead.)
Attendant: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t sell those here.”
Mom: “No, I understand. It’s the holidays, right?” *leans in close* “I know you have some in the back. I’ll slip you an extra fifty if you sell me the one you’ve been saving for yourself.”
(She gives him a wink, and he looks to me for help. I proceed to drag her out of the store.)
Mom: “What? I know he has some in the back!”
Me: “Just because it’s white and shiny doesn’t mean it was made by Apple!”
This story is part of the Family-At-Christmas Roundup!
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(I work at a “cut your own” Christmas tree farm.)
Customer: “Are these locally grown?”
This story is part of the Farmer roundup.
(It’s three weeks until Christmas, and I’m ringing up a customer when her child speaks up.)
Child: “Mommy, when’s Christmas?”
Customer: “When you eat each and every one of the chocolates from the advent calendar, it’ll be Christmas.”
Child: “But I already ate all of the chocolate…”
(Every item in our store is one dollar.)
Customer: “Excuse me, I need help with your Christmas ties. I can’t get them to work.”
(The ties in question play music when you press the button.)
Me: “Of course, ma’am. All you have to do is press the button firmly and hold for two seconds. The button isn’t super sensitive to light presses to avoid the music playing from an accidental press.”
(I show the customer the difference between lightly pushing and intentionally pushing the button.)
Customer: *lightly pushes the button* “See, these don’t work!”
Me: “Ma’am, just press and hold the button for two seconds.”
(I demonstrate again in case she hadn’t seen it the first time.)
Customer: *pushes button several times very quickly* “You must be lying to me. It still doesn’t work!”
Me: “Ma’am, all you have to do is push the button once and hold it for two seconds.”
Customer: *pushes and holds button* “Finally! These aren’t very good quality, are they?!”
(Another customer who has been listening from the next aisle speaks up.)
Customer #2: “Ugh, lady, you’re in a dollar store! It’s a Christmas tie. You press the button for two seconds and it plays music. It costs a dollar. What more do you want?!”
This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!
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