(My mom opens my Christmas present to her: an indoor/outdoor thermometer.)
Mom: “Oh, good! I wanted one of these.” *looks at my brother* “What? You have a funny look on your face.”
Brother: “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
Me: “We did not discuss what gifts we bought.”
Brother: “We did not.”
Mom: *opens his gift: another thermometer* “Well, I really, really wanted one!”
(It is Christmas Day, and my brother and I have given our Mum gifts.)
Mum: *opening my gift* “A pizza stone? And a set of [kitchen utensils that make cooking easier]? Thank you, [My Name]. I was going to buy these for myself.”
(She gets handed a present from my brother. She shakes it and hears no sound. Deciding to open it, she uncovers layer upon layer of newspaper. Her face slowly darkens and we hear her muttering “…box full of air…oh, no, wait… it must be full of love,” but she gets to the gift and stares at it blankly before pulling it out.)
Mum: *holding up fork* “Is this it, [Brother]?”
Me: *reaching over and laughing* “No, no, look.”
(I extend the fork to five times its original length. Mum bursts out laughing.)
Mum: “Oh, an extendable fork; that makes everything better!”
(It’s the day after Christmas and my boss decided to keep our small dry-cleaning store open even though many of our regular customers are on vacation. There are several employees currently working, including myself. Our store lights are on and there are several cars in our parking lot. I am standing in front of the store at the counter waiting to greet and serve customers.)
Me: *greets customer that just walked into the store* “Hello!”
Customer: *walks up to me with a confused expression* “Are you guys open today?”
Me: *hesitating to answer because I’m not sure if he’s joking* “Yes… we are!”
Customer: *looking relieved* “Oh, good! I have a coat in my car that needs cleaning. I’ll go get it!”
(As the customer left to retrieve the coat in his vehicle I looked around me to figure out why he could have possibly thought we were closed. Lights on, several employees busy completing tasks throughout the store, a parking lot with cars in it, and an unlocked door. I just laughed and shook my head before the customer came back in with his coat.)
This story is part of our After Christmas roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
18 Priceless Stories About Birthday Party Poopers
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(It’s two days after Christmas. I haven’t had a day off in weeks, I have a cold, my coworker is out sick, and our sales system is down, so I have to do every sale manually on paper. I’m not in a great mood and am doing my best to keep it together. This lady really tries my patience.)
Me: “Your total is [total].”
Lady: “Wait, that’s with the 50% off?”
Me: “Only the holiday items are 50% off.”
Lady: “What?”
Me: “Only holiday items are 50% off right now.”
Lady: “Well, your sign says 50% off.”
Me: “Yes, 50% off all holiday items. ‘Holiday’ is actually the largest word on the sign.”
Lady: “Well, it isn’t very clear.”
Me: “Okay.”
Lady: “Well, I guess, where’s your holiday stuff, then?”
Me: “Over here on this table in front of the door that say,s ‘HOLIDAY ITEMS,’ on it.”
Lady: “Well, there isn’t much there.”
Me: “No, most of these holidays are over or almost over.”
Lady: “Well, that’s useless. Anything else on sale at all?”
Me: “We have a buy-two-get-one-free on noodle bowls, and some of our ceramic ware is 20% off.”
Lady: “50% off bowls?”
Me: “No. Buy-two-get-one-free on noodle bowls.”
Lady: “I don’t want noodle bowls.”
Me: *as blandly as I can manage* “Okay.”
Lady: “Well… I guess there’s nothing I want, then.”
Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”
(I need a vacation.)
This story is part of our After Christmas roundup!
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(At my family’s Christmas dinner, my uncle is talking to my cousin. His mom — my grandma — hears them, and asks this gem.)
Grandma: “Oh, you know [Cousin]?”
Uncle: “Yes, Mom. He’s my son.”
Me: *snorts into potatoes from a table away*
(In her defence, she’s 80 years old with eight kids. Not exactly easy to keep track.)
