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Please Call Customer Dis-service

, , , , , | Right | December 23, 2009

Customer: “I’m not buying carpet from you because you don’t sell Christmas trees.”

Me: “Actually, we have them in the garden center.”

Customer: “No, you sell holiday trees. You’re afraid of offending people, but this is the Christmas season, not the holiday season.”

Me: “It’s just our policy, sir.”

Customer: “I’m going to [Another Home Improvement Store] where they aren’t afraid of offending!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Deafening Silence

, , , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2009

Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

Me: “I know, right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

Customer: “It’s so loud. Why do people have to talk so loudly?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s just because there are so many people.”

Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

Me: “Right you are, sir! If that’ll be all, your total is [total].”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total, sir? It’s [total].”

Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”


This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!

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The Trim Reaper

, , , | Right | December 23, 2009

(I work at a Christmas tree lot.)

Customer: “Are these real trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I mean, are they live trees?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So, we just go cut them down, right?”

Me: “That’s right!”

Customer: “Will it still be a live tree after we cut it down?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but cutting the tree down does mean the tree will die. However, if you water it daily, it should survive until Christmas.”

Customer: “But you said those were live trees!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Barely Scratched The Surface

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2009

Customer: “Hello, young man, can you help me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Where do you keep your scratch?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Scratch! Where do you keep it? I need some to make pie!”

Me: “I’m not sure that I’m clear on what you need. Can you tell me what you are going to use it for?”

Customer: “My husband says that I need to make pie from scratch for Christmas, so I need to buy some scratch for the pie.”

Me: “Ma’am, that just means that you buy the ingredients and make the pie yourself.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to make pie myself! I need some scratch!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Gobble Grunt Gobble

, , , | Right | December 15, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys sold male chicken?”

Me: “We do sell chicken, but I am not sure we know the gender.”

Customer: “But someone told me that you guys sold male chicken for Thanksgiving dinners.”

Me: “Thanksgiving dinner? Are you talking about a turkey?”

Customer: “Yeah! The male chicken!”


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