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The Pot Calling The Blizzard White

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2011

(I work for an online store that sells mostly shoes, bags, and other accessories. This particular Christmas, the weather conditions in the UK are so bad that almost all deliveries are delayed by several days.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My package still hasn’t arrived. I ordered it almost five days ago. This is an outrage!”

Me: “I apologize. All orders are currently delayed due to adverse weather conditions.”

Caller: “Are you telling me I paid £4.50 for shipping and you can’t even deliver them to me before the 25th? This is unbelievable!”

Me: “I apologize for the delay. We will, of course, refund all shipping and handling costs.”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I want my order now! It needs to be here before Christmas! My daughter asked for those shoes specifically.”

Me: “Your order will most likely not arrive before Christmas, but I can have a look if these particular shoes are available in any stores near you.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get to the store? I’m snowed in!”


This story is part of our Chilly Weather Roundup!

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Fresh Until Proven Spoiled

, , , , , | Right | September 1, 2011

(A customer comes to the return desk the day after Christmas.)

Customer: “This ham smells off. Smell it. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry that it was off, sir. I’ll refund you now.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to smell it?”

Me: “Um… it’s okay. I believe you.”

Customer: “It smells terrible!”

Me: “I’m sure it does, sir, but it’s not necessary for me to smell it. I’ll just give you a refund.”

Customer: “How do you know I’m not lying if you won’t smell it?”

Me: “Sir, I am not going to smell your ham.”

Customer: “SMELL MY HAM!”


This story is part of our Grossest Customers Ever roundup!

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Stupidity As Clear As Sierra Mist

, , , | Right | August 9, 2011

(I’m working at the student dining hall on a busy Thanksgiving dinner as a supervisor. A student walks up with a glass of ice in hand.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but your Sierra Mist is out.”

Me: “Oh, no problem, ma’am. Let me go downstairs and I’ll take a look.”

(I walk downstairs and check the soda dispenser. The Sierra Mist is half-empty, but still functional. I tell her it should be fine. She comes back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I asked you to fix the Sierra Mist and it is still not fixed.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just checked it and it’s full.”

Customer: “You’re lying. It isn’t working at all.”

(I walk over to the dispenser and place a cup underneath the Sierra Mist and out pours clear, bubbly Sierra Mist.)

Me: “See, ma’am? It’s just fine.”

Customer: “No! It’s clear! See? It’s clear! The bottle is green. Sierra Mist is green!”


This story is part of our Thanksgiving roundup!

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A Serious Case Of Insensitivity, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | August 3, 2011

CONTENT WARNING: Death

(New Year’s Eve is in full swing. Shortly before the midnight countdown, a coworker of mine drops down dead beside me from a brain aneurysm. We went into shock and obviously tried to help her. The customer that she was serving starts complaining about the quality of service.)

Customer: “Leave her; it’s almost midnight! I need my glass of wine to celebrate!”

Me: “Sir, we believe she may be dead. Please have a bit of compassion. The bar will be closing now while we wait for emergency services.”

Customer: “Forget that! We want to celebrate. Get me my drink now and take her body out back or something!”

Me: “Security! Throw this man out and clear the bar.”

Customer: “I will get both her and you fired for this!”

Not So Good After All

, , , , | Right | May 19, 2011

Customer: “Can I make my payment on Friday?”

Me: “We’re closed on Good Friday, since Easter is Sunday.”

Customer: “Good Friday is on a Friday?!”


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