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The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

, , , , | Right | December 24, 2010

(It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

Town Manager: “Thank you!”

Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

Town Manager: *scowling* “Well, they do look nice, but unfortunately, the children like them, too.

Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

Me: “You suggested what?”

Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

(I am stunned and silent.)

Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea, either.”

Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Alarm Bells Will Be Ringing

, , , , | Right | December 24, 2010

(I work in a department next to the exit. A mother, father, and daughter set off the alarm.)

Me: “Excuse me, I need to check your bag for something.”

Husband: “God, really? Fine.”

(I pull out a kid’s DVD.)

Daughter: “What’s that?”

Wife: “Great, just great! Here, honey, this was supposed to be one of your Christmas presents! This woman here ruined Christmas! I hope you’re happy that you ruined Christmas for this entire family!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Business Daze

, , , , | Right | December 21, 2010

(The customer has a covered hardware issue. It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)

Me: “I’m going to request that a replacement device be sent to you, free of charge. You should receive your replacement in two business days.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait two business days! You need to make it arrive Friday!”

Me: “I understand your frustration sir, but tomorrow is Wednesday and the second business day is Friday. Thursday is the holiday.”

Customer: “You make it get here Friday!”

Me: “Sir, Wednesday is one business day. Friday is two business days. You will have your replacement on Friday.”

Customer: “Put your supervisor on!”

Supervisor: *after greeting the customer and looking at the details for the replacement* “What can I do for you, sir?”

Customer: “That girl’s trying to teach me how to count!”


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Intelligence Doesn’t Grow On Trees

, , , , , | Right | November 26, 2010

(A couple is price-shopping for their Christmas tree.)

Customer: “How do you figure out the price of the tree?”

Me: “We count the needles and divide by a thousand.”

Customer: “Well, that makes sense.”

Me: “Yeah, it takes a really long time to do each morning.”

Customer: “You’re BSing me, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”


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A Little Cuckoo

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2010

(It is the Christmas season and we sell clothing for dogs and cats. An old lady comes in and finds me standing near the birdcages.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you have Santa hats?”

Me: “Why, yes, they’re right here.”

Customer: *looks them over* “No, these are much too big.”

Me: “What size of pet are you looking to buy a hat for?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “A Chihuahua?”

Customer: “Smaller!”

Me: “A teacup Yorkie?”

Customer: “My Cockatoo!”

Me: “Your… Cockatoo?”

Customer: “Yes! I need to buy ten Santa hats. One for each of my beloveds. Do you have any that small?”

Me: “I don’t believe so.”

Customer: “What do you mean?! This is a pet store! Why don’t you have any Santa hats for my babies?!”

Me: *walking toward front door* “Well, ma’am, if you walk about ten feet to your left, you’ll find [Craft Store] and I’m sure they’ll have all your Santa hat needs.”

Customer: “Thank you! This is what good customer service is all about!”

(She leaves. About an hour later, we receive an angry call.)

Customer: *enraged* “Why didn’t she tell me it was a craft store and I had to make my own? Who the h*** wants to make their own Santa hats?!”


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