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Don’t Tell The Methodists

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2011

Customer: “I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”

Me: “What denomination?”

Customer: *befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”

Numbers Don’t Lie

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2011

(I’m a checkout assistant at a supermarket, working the night of Halloween. A teenager and his girlfriend come to the checkout at about eight pm with three dozen eggs.)

Me: “You’re not the ones who have been egging people in the carpark, are you?”

Customer: “Uh, no. We, um, just want to make an omelette.”

Me: “You’re making a thirty-six egg omelette? How big is your frying pan?”

Customer: “S***.” *runs out of the store*


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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I Can Be Anything I Want

, , , , , , | Right | November 27, 2011

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s six.”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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Size Matters, Part 2

, , , | Right | November 24, 2011

(I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes; all of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*


This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

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The Lonely And The Lonelier

, , , | Right | November 24, 2011

(I manage a small video rental chain that is open 365 days a year, including Christmas.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re open on Christmas. Who rents movies on Christmas?”

Me: “You’re here…”

Customer: “But I’m renting video games. That’s different!”


This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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