Engaging In A Distraction

, | Terre Haute, IN, USA | Working | May 10, 2015

(My fiancé and I are doing some shopping for our upcoming wedding. We’re a gay couple. With us are two of our friends; one is acting as our wedding planner, he’s gay as well, and the other is the Maid of Honor. The following happens as we’re buying the fabric for the ‘groom’s maid’ dresses.)

Employee: “So what’s the occasion?”

Fiancé: “A wedding.”

Employee: *visibly excited, looking to the Maid of Honor* “Congratulations! When’s the date?”

Fiancé: “August.”

(The wedding planner gets distracted by something in the distance and wanders off. A moment later:)

Wedding Planner: “Ooh! [Maid of Honor], come look at this!”

(She goes off to see what he found.)

Employee: *to my fiancé and me* “That must be why they brought the two of you along for their wedding shopping, since they’re so easily distracted.”

(We didn’t bother correcting her. Our friends were excited to hear the news about their engagement.)

How To Scare Away Customers

| Canada | Working | December 19, 2012

(I am looking through the selection of models at my local games workshop. It’s a very successful chain of stores that sells model soldiers for a miniature wargame. I’m currently looking at a rather gory and explicit undead model.)

Me: “Wow, this guy is pretty gruesome!”

(Note: I’m saying this quietly to myself in an excited tone because I like the model. Suddenly, the manager is right in front of me with a stern look on his face.)

Manager: “Look pal, I can’t have you making disparaging remarks in my store.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Manager: “If a parent comes in looking to buy miniatures and hears you talking about how ‘gruesome’ they are, that could be a lost customer. If I lose customers, I can’t stay open, and that means my 300 regular players have nowhere to play.”

Me: “I think there’s been a misunderstanding. This model is undead. He’s supposed to look gruesome and ghoully, so I was complimenting it. I was going to pick up one myself.”

Manager: “Well, your comments are scaring away my customers, so just be quiet, okay?”

Me: “Well, you’ve just scared off a potential customer yourself!”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 3

| New Brunswick, NJ, USA | Right | January 5, 2011

(Note: I am a customer.)

Fellow Customer: *heavily accented* “Excuse me. Where are the pipe cleaners?”

Me: “Sorry sir, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

(He moves off to meet with two others, who have a conversation. I move on, when another from the group approaches me.)

Fellow Customer #2: “Hi. Where are your pipe cleaners?”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t work here.”

Fellow Customer #2: “Oh.” *long pause* “I want green ones.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I meant I don’t work here. I’m also shopping.”

(He walks back to his group, who have another hushed conversation. The third person comes over. By now, a fourth customer is watching with amusement.)

Fellow Customer #3: “I’m sorry, they’re new to America and don’t follow much English.”

Me: “That’s alright.”

Fellow Customer #3: “We can’t find those long green–”

Me: “No, I don’t work here. I’m just shopping here, too.”

Fellow Customer #3: “Oh, alright. You just seemed to know where you were going. Sorry to bother you.”

(He and his friends leave to find someone in the dark blue of the store’s uniform.)

Other Customer: “Wow. Took them long enough!”

Me: *laughing a little* “Yeah, I guess I’m still in work-mode.”

Other Customer: “So, where is your yarn?”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 2
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here

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