I am putting out some flags to celebrate World Book Day. I am summoned by another customer, an older woman, as I do this.

Customer: “What flag is that one?”

Me: “I believe this is Germany.”

Customer: “I knew it! Why would you put up a flag for a country of Nazis?!”

I pause, taken aback by the shocking statement.

Me: “It’s not! It’s just Germany.”

Customer: “That’s the same thing! And if your store promotes them, then you’re just a bunch of fascists!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not fascists. I voted for Bernie Sanders.” 

Customer: “So, you’re a socialist?! That’s even worse!“

Our history professor includes a ten-minute break in his long lectures. We’ve been talking about technology development in World War II when we go into break. The professor is making small talk with teaching assistants (TAs) and a few students.

TA: “How’s the set-up going?”

Professor: “We’re on track. All the space is cleared, electronics are ready. When the actual tank arrives—”

Student: “When the what arrives?”

Professor: “The tank. It’s not a big one, but my birthday’s coming up, and I wanted—”

Student: “Whoa! What kind?”

Professor: “It’s a 155-gallon saltwater tank. I never knew you were an aquarium enthusiast!”

Student: “Oh… Right, fish.”

The TA looked at the crestfallen student, looked up at the screen at the front of the class showing a WWII Sherman tank, and burst out laughing.

It is 2005, and “King Kong” is playing in our theater. A man and his young son are leaving the screen at the end of a showing. I overhear their conversation while they wait for someone to come out of the restroom.

Father: “That was a lot of fun!”

Son: “Yeah! Thanks, Dad.”

Father: “I wonder if that’s why they changed the top of the Empire State Building.”

Son: “Huh?”

Father: “I saw pictures of how the top of the Empire State Building looked when they first built it, and how it looks today is different. Was it because of King Kong?”

Son: “Uh… are you messing with me?”

Father: “What do you mean?”

Son: *Laughing* “Like a giant gorilla climbed the building in real life!”

Father: “Oh. I thought it was based on a true story.”

Son: “It’s a giant gorilla!”

Father: “What? Lots of animals go extinct!”

Our museum is running a temporary exhibit of artworks from the 1800s. A woman comes over to me looking confused.

Customer: “I’ve been all over this place, and I can’t find the Mona Lisa!”

Me: “The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci? That’s in Paris.”

Customer: “Paris, France?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “I was told this was going to be an exhibit of old paintings! The Mona Lisa is an old painting! It should be here!”

Me: “We have lots of old paintings here, ma’am, but the Mona Lisa is the most famous painting in the world and is permanently on display at the Louvre in Paris, France.”

Customer: “That’s very misleading! If you’re going to have an exhibit of old paintings, you should have all of them!”

Me: “All the old paintings?”

Customer: “Yeah! It costs ten dollars to get in here, so you should have them all!”

Me: “How many ‘old paintings’ do you think there are, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t know, like fifty? Any more than that would be boring.”

Yes, she thought that all of human art history consisted of about fifty paintings.

Maybe fifty-one if you include the Mona Lisa.

I have worked at a seasonal mall calendar kiosk for a couple of years. It is around New Year’s, and a customer grabs the Civil War calendar, which is twelve months of art of the American Civil War.

He then asks me disparagingly, as if this shoddy product trick has been pulled on him before:

Customer: “Now, is this calendar all from our Civil War or just someone else’s civil war?”

Me: “Actually, I think it’s the Icelandic civil war. They just have American and Rebel flags in the pictures because they were cheaper to license.”