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When Not In Rome…

, , , , , | Right | July 23, 2008

(A customer comes in looking for a specific FM transmitter. I point him in the right direction and he comes back five minutes later with the device in hand.)

Me: “Found it all right?”

Customer: “Yup. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

Me: “Veni, vidi, vici?”

Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?!”

Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2008

(A tourist walks up to my register with a handful of trinkets. I ring her up, she pays, I bag the items, and hand her the coin change. As she steps away, I see a dollar still on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am, you forgot the rest of your change.”

Tourist: “Oh! I guess I did, unless you were paying me in pesos.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Tourist: “Pesos. The money in Mexico.”

Me: “I know what a peso is, ma’am, but I’m not Mexican.”

Tourist: “Puerto Rican?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Tourist: “Cuban?”

Me: “No.”

Tourist: “What are you, then?”

Me: “I’m Native American.”

Tourist: “So am I.”

(She’s white as notebook paper.)

Me: “No, I mean the people here before white people.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You don’t know about Natives? Indians?”

Tourist: “Oh, you mean the people John Wayne killed off.”

Me: “Just take your change.”


This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

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I Sense A Schism

, , , | Right | June 18, 2008

(I work for a bookstore that sells bibles. We get a lot of interesting customers that call…)

Me: “[Bookstore], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have the book of Chronicles?”

Me: “Do you want a commentary for it?”

Customer: “No. You know, the book of Chronicles that they talk about in the bible. Do you have that?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Have you ever read a bible?”

Me: “Yes, I have…”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking for the book of Chronicles.”

Me: “Let me search our computer system and see if I can find something.” *I pretend to search the computer* “The only thing I can find is the actual books in the bible called first and second Chronicles.”

Customer: “Do y’all have that in the store? Where’s it at?”

(I pull a bible off the shelf and tell him the exact location of the books.)

Customer: “I’ve never seen that in any of my bibles.”

Me: “Sir, these two books have been in here for over 2,000 years.”

Customer: “Not in any bible I’ve read!”

(After the customer finally hung up, I asked my manager to shoot me.)

Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That?

, , , | Right | October 20, 2007

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “SIX OF THE ENEMY, PLEASE!”

Me: “…Sorry?”

Elderly Customer: “Six of the German frankfurts!”

Me: “Oh, right…”


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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