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Giving An Ear To History

, | Hopeless | January 15, 2017

(I’m a server at a restaurant that’s really loved by the older crowd. I get my first table of the day, and it’s an older German lady and a middle-aged lady. I’m wearing pearl and diamond earrings that I got for Hanukkah a few years ago.)

German Lady: “What beautiful earrings! They are so very elegant.”

Me: “Thank you.”

German Lady: “Where did you get them?”

Me: “I got them for Hanukkah a while back from my mom.”

(The lady smiled for a second, then looked troubled.)

German Lady: “I am so sorry.”

(I assume she meant she was sorry for asking about something personal, but I get asked about my religion a lot, and I certainly wasn’t offended by it.)

Me: “Oh, ma’am, it’s no problem. Don’t worry.”

German Lady: “No, you don’t understand. I’m sorry for what my country did to your people.”

(I just stood there, shocked, not knowing what to say, because this honestly had never happened.)

Me: “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”

German Lady: “I want to. Because you see, I was a kid when the Holocaust happened.”

(She went on to tell me what it had been like, how people were scared to speak up, if they even knew what was happening. She talked about when the American soldiers came in, and how nice they had been. She said one soldier even gave her her first stick of bubblegum! By the end of the conversation, I was tearing up. We hugged and she demanded I take a $20 tip from her. She promised to come back soon and tell me more if I wanted to hear. I can’t wait to see her again!)

Walt Dumas

| Learning | November 18, 2016

(One of my biggest memories of my freshman year was when we were playing Kahoot! It’s a fast-paced review game that you can play with any device.)

Question: “What book did Niccolo Machiavelli write?”

(I chose the incorrect answer: The Three Musketeers.)

History Teacher: “This is a question for fun. Who actually wrote The Three Musketeers?”

Boy: “Walt Disney?”

Eye Can’t Believe It

, | Friendly | August 12, 2016

(I’m female, 5’7”, very slim, have dyed black hair, and almost gray blue eyes. Lots of people in Egypt wanted just pictures of my eyes to the point where I got free stuff for selfies.

When we go to the pyramids, I am wandering around enjoying the view when a guy literally picks me up from behind and sets me in the middle of a group, and someone takes a picture. Then they walk away.)

My Aunt: “Do you know them?”

Me: “No! I don’t even know what just happened!”

(I wish I could find that picture. I’m sure I had a very confused look on my face.)

Keep Digging A Bigger Hole For Themselves

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2016

(I am working as an archaeology student at an excavation on the Israeli coast. Our site is located on a kibbutz — something like a small village/self-sustaining community where tourists often stay to get a more ‘genuine’ Israeli vacation experience — just a few yards up on a hill near a popular beach, so we get a lot of tourists coming up to see what’s going on, and are typically happy to explain the process to them. Because the site is located on a steep cliff overlooking the Mediterranean, however, it is quite easy to fall and get badly wounded on the rocks below. In addition to the fact that the site itself is very sensitive and should not be disrupted, most of the area is ‘roped-off’ from the public during the summer. This happens during lunchtime while most of the archaeologists and volunteers, my supervisor included, have gone down to the kibbutz for a bite to eat. Only about three of us have stayed behind to work on a cluster of pottery and animal bones that we have been meticulously unearthing for the better part of a week. A British tourist and her three young children approach the site.)

Colleague: “Hi there! How are you folks doing today?”

Tourist: “Fine. What are you doing up here, anyway?”

Colleague: “We’re excavating an archaeological site. Right now we’re working on a layer of Persian artifacts. If you’d like, I’d be happy to give you a-”

(At that moment, two of her children duck under the ropes and come ambling down excitedly into the pit.)

Me: “Oh, no! I’m sorry, but I have to ask that you stay up behind the ropes. It’s very dangerous down here.”

Kid #1: “I just wanna see what you’re digging!”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s just very dangerous. Please go back up to your mom, and we’ll be happy to explain everything about the site.”

Kid #1: “But we’re just looking!”

Tourist: “Let them look! It’s educational!”

Colleague: “Ma’am, please, it’s dangerous…”

Tourist: “They just want to learn!”

(At that moment, Kid #1 suddenly reaches down, grabs the handle of a piece of pottery we’re working on, and yanks it out of the soil. The handle breaks, of course, and he holds it up to show his mom. My colleagues and I are too shocked for a moment to speak. The mom is grinning.)

Kid #2: “Mum! Look what I found!”

Tourist: “Oh, hold it up so I can take a photo!”

Me: “Excuse me! Please, give that back! We’ve been working on that piece for a WEEK and you just broke it!”

Kid #1: “Does this mean I get to keep it?”

Colleague: “Absolutely not!”

Tourist: *angrily* “Oh? Why not? He found it; he should get to keep it! You don’t even sound Israeli. What makes you think that any of this is YOURS?”

Me: “The site belongs to the State of Israel. It is a protected site, and your child just destroyed an artifact after entering a dangerous, roped-off excavation site. He DOES NOT get to keep it.”

Colleague: *bluffing, but absolutely incensed at this point* “You’re lucky we don’t have you arrested for looting!”

(My colleague takes the broken pottery away from the kid, but as our attention is diverted, Kid #2 pulls a dog skull out of the soil a few yards away and holds that up, too.)

Kid #1: “Mum! I think I found a human skull!”

Tourist: “Oh, my! You two are naturals at this!” *to us* “Aren’t they naturals at this?”

(My colleague and I grab the dog skull and the piece of pottery, put them aside, and grab the kids to haul them back up out of the pit.)

Tourist: “Hey! Don’t you DARE touch my children!”

Colleague: “They’re trespassing, defacing an archaeological site, looting, and putting themselves in danger. If you don’t want to wrangle them, WE will.”

(As we haul the kids back up and move them under the ropes, another colleague, an Israeli ex-marine who works for the university, happens to come up the hill. She sees us arguing with the tourist and asks what happened. As soon as she realizes that the site has been damaged, she goes into a frenzy.)

Israeli Colleague: “They did WHAT?!” *to us* “And you LET them?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We did try, but she refused to call them back.”

Israeli Colleague: *to the tourist* “Ma’am, do you realize how dangerous and irresponsible it is to let your children down there? Especially after you were TOLD to call them back? They could have fallen and been hurt, or worse. And they have damaged our site!”

Tourist: “They were just learning! And they found a pot handle and a skull! I think they’re better archaeologists than YOU lot!”

(At this point, the Israeli colleague, barely controlling her outrage, demanded that the woman and her children leave the site and not return. She warned them that if she saw them again, she would have them detained for looting an archaeological site. We explained the situation to our supervisor when she returned from lunch and got thoroughly chewed out for not responding more aggressively – which, arguably, we could have. As some small comfort, to those who do not know, many pieces of pottery found at excavations are already broken into many pieces and it’s possible that the pot handle would’ve broken anyway – which is likely the only reason that our supervisor didn’t skin us alive for letting it happen in the first place.)

Sadly You’re Still A Nuclear Family

, , , , | Related | May 3, 2016

(My brother, my grandfather and I have just gotten on a boat going down the river Thames. We see a boat with a diver under the water.)

Brother: “What are they diving for?”

Grandfather: “I heard the captain say that they found a bomb from World War 2.”

Brother: “Why is there still a bomb there?”

Me: “When London was bombed, not all of them went off, so they just stayed there.”

Brother: “Is it like, one of those big ones they dropped on China?”

Me: “What…?”

Brother: “You know, one of those really big ones?”

Me: “Do you mean the atomic bombs that were dropped in Japan?”

Brother: “Yeah, those.”

Me: “So, you think that there is an unexploded atomic bomb in the middle of London, no one is panicking and they sent one diver to get it?”

Brother: “…Yes?”

Me: “How are we related?”