(I am cashiering as a customer approaches and places his various items on the counter. I scan each and get to the total.)

Me: “Your total is going to be $17.76.”

Customer: “Thanks.” *pull out credit card with US flags on it*

Me: “Ha! How cool; your card has US flags on it with your total.”

Customer: “Excuse me? What’s that mean…? I do swipe here, right?”

Me: “Uhm, yes, you do. I was just saying it was kind of a coincidence that your card has flags on it with your total being 17.76.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, I’m not getting your reference.” *slides card and confirms amount… receipt prints*

Me: “It’s just a year in US history. A lot happened on it.”

Customer: “Right, I never took advanced classes like that.”

Customer: “Why do all your shirts say ‘Canada 1867’?”

Me: “Oh, that’s because it’s Canada’s 150th year.”

Customer: “Oh, wow. Hey, babe!” *calls to his pregnant wife and two young children* “It’s Canada’s 150th. Who knew?” *to me* “Guess that’s another thing the US beats you at!”

(My brother is helping me study for my hematology exam and asks to see when one of my books was printed.)

Brother: “202. Makes more sense, seems like much of this was invented in the tens.”

Me: “Sorry, when?”

Brother: “202.”

Me: “Hopefully it’s 2002.”

Brother: “Oh, yeah! I didn’t know the Roman doctors were so advanced!”

(My brother the Latinist, ladies and gentlemen.)

(I am browsing through a book shop when I see a boy run up to his dad clutching a book. From where I am I can see it is a complete collection of Shakespeare.)

Boy: “Dad! I found it!”

(The dad takes the books and looks at it.)

Dad: “Put it back. You just need one of the plays for school.”

Boy: “But it’s on offer; it’s the same price as Macbeth but it’s all of them, see?”

Dad: “It’s a waste of money. You shouldn’t buy collections. They’re just a way to get more money from you.”

Boy: “But it’s the same price as just the one–”

Dad: “Shakespeare will just release another book, and they’ll all have different covers and you’ll have to buy the new complete collection. Just buy the one you need.”

Boy: “But Dad, I really want this one.”

(When the two continue to argue, a member of staff who had previously been putting books on a display walks over.)

Staff Member: “Excuse me, sir. I couldn’t help but overhear. The collection is an excellent bargain; it’s half price today. And I can assure you there will be no other plays by William Shakespeare because he’s dead.”

Dad: “Of course you’d say that. You want us to spend more money.”

Staff Member: “It’s the same price as a book with just one of his plays in it and like I said, there is no chance of there being another Shakespeare play, or anything else by him for that matter.”

Dad: “Look, I know Shakespeare isn’t a real person. He’s like a mascot to get people to go see plays and make people think it’s good.”

(At this point I have to hide around the corner because I start laughing. I find what I am looking for and head for the register. As I get there, the dad and his son are being served. It looks like the dad has agreed to buy the collection but is still arguing because when I come within earshot of the registers I hear the cashier say:)

Cashier: “I’ll tell you what, sir. If William Shakespeare ever publishes anything else, I will refund you the full price of the book and give you £100 from my own pocket.”

(The dad walked away looking smug while the son kept his eyes to the ground, looking very embarrassed.)

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Coworker: “I just had a kid coming to me and saying: ‘Ha, ha! I will be going to college later, so that I will get a better job than you guys!’”

(My coworker and I both had master grades from university. He is a qualified archeologist and I am a historian. Five years later, I still don’t have a job on my qualification level. Good luck, kid.)