(In my drawing class, my teacher writes a warm up on the board every day for us to do before class starts. The warm up today is “Draw your favorite color without using color.”)

Student #1: “How in the world do you draw black?”

Teacher: “Well, you could draw a shadow or a bat.”

Student #2: “Or my soul.”

Teacher: “…Or you could draw [Student #2’s] soul.”

(While doing a unit on genetics, my students ask me questions about fruit flies because they know I worked in a fly lab before.)

Student: “Do you like male or female fruit flies better?”

Me: “Males are a little easier to work with.”

Student: “Is that because they only think with their wings?”

(Me and my friends are fooling around with a bag of chocolate chips during lunchtime. As a joke, I stick one to my face.)

Me: “Hey guys, check it out!”

(After everyone sees and laughs I decide to take it off my face and eat it without realising I’m being watched.)

Outraged Teacher: “Did you just eat your mole?!”

(The head librarian is showing us how to look up someone’s account if the student doesn’t have their ID in order to check out books.)

Head Librarian: “Okay, so with me so far? At this screen you enter this access code [code] and voila! Now this works for students, teachers and even administrators, so you can check things out to anyone.”

My Friend: “What if they want to pay their late fees?”

Head Librarian: “Oh, you can find all that on this screen. See? You have access to all the student’s information: library records, late fees, grades, address, social security number, whatever you need!”

(My friend turns to look at me with a surprised and slightly horrified look. I immediately turn to the head librarian.)

Me: “Uh, did you just show us, two underage students, how to get anyone’s name, address, and social security number? And this anyone includes all the students, teachers, and faculty members?”

(The head librarian turns to me as her jaw drops.)

Head Librarian: “I… should not have done that. You two go dust or shelve something. I’m going to change my access code now.”

(We are completing book work when one girl’s purse steadily vibrates across the floor. The teacher stands up and collects it, removing her cell phone in the process.)

Teacher: “[Girl], I asked you twice to keep your phone off. Your parents can come collect it from me at the end of the week.”

(She rolls her eyes and once the teacher sits back down again, begins talking to the boy next to her.)

Teacher: “Hey, you guys need to be quiet. That means you, [Boy].”

Boy: *sneers* “That isn’t proper grammar.”

Teacher: “Oh?”

Boy: “Yeah. You were talking to more than one of us, so it’s not ‘you.'”

Teacher: “Well, what should I have said then?”

Boy: “Y’all.”

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