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El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu

| Learning | April 23, 2013

(I’m taking a quiz and am seated next to a student who likes to bully me. All period long, she calls me a nerd under her breath while simultaneously trying to cheat off of my paper.)

Bully: *reads off my paper* “Ugh! ‘Dinero?’ I thought the Spanish word for money was ‘moo-la.'”

Me: “No, no. ‘Moo-la’ is cow.”

Bully: *smacks herself in the forehead* “Duh. I knew that!”

Me: “And a bull is ‘moo-lo.’ ‘O’ makes it masculine.”

Bully: “Duh! Everyone knows that, dweeb!” *writes it down*

Fallopian Noobs

| Learning | April 22, 2013

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a boy starts coughing and gagging on some crackers in class.)

Student: “Oh my God, Mrs [teacher], help! [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

Teacher: “He can cough so he’s fine — wait, what did you just say?”

Student: “[Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

(Everyone in the room stares at the student and then laughs.)

Student: “What’s so funny?! He’s choking!”

Teacher: “[Student], he’s fine and he can’t have anything in his fallopian tubes.”

Student: “What do you mean? Aren’t your fallopian tubes up here?” *motions at her throat*

You And I Can Write A BFF Romance

| Romantic | April 22, 2013

(My best friend and I are both straight females. We often joke about being in a relationship. We have always gone to school dances together, but as it’s our junior prom, I wanted to be silly and cheesy.)

Best Friend: “Why do you look so weird?”

(I drop to one knee in front of her.)

Me: “You’re my best friend, my hetero soul mate, my emotional boyfriend. You’ve always been there for me, since the day we met six years ago. From bullies to heart breaks, you’ve always known how to make it better. You’re the one that I run to when I’m crying, and you hold me close and fix it all with fried oreos. You know me better than anyone else. I know I can always depend on you when I fall. You’re the craziest, smartest, nicest, and most beautiful girl I know. You’re the first person I tell my secrets to, and the last one I ever want to lose.”

(I pull out a small bouquet of flowers.)

Me: “Will you go to prom with me?”

Best Friend: “YES! You’re such a little dork though.”

(Hopefully our prom will be just as silly and loving as my speech!)

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Romulus & Dufus

| Learning | April 19, 2013

(We are playing a game modeled after a game show on TV to go over material for our history class.)

Teacher: “Okay, here’s the question: What people lived in the Roman Empire before the Romans?”

Ditzy Student: “Italians!”

Teachers Don’t Cry

| Learning | April 17, 2013

(I work in a school district known for a high truancy rate, a high dropout rate, gang violence, and drugs. Many of the students are not motivated, but I try my best to engage students.)

Me: “Okay, guys, so for this essay—”

Class: *keeps talking*

Me: “Hey, we need to go over the requirements for—”

Class: *keeps talking*

Student #1: *gets up and walks out the door* “Going to the bathroom!”

Me: “Wait! You need a pass!”

Class: *keeps talking*

Me: “This essay is part of the school’s curriculum, and if you don’t do it, you’ll fail this class!”

Class: *keeps talking*

Student #2: “Do you ever feel like you’re the teacher in Freedom Writers?”

Me: “No. The students actually did their work in that movie.”