Student #1: “So, what if I opened this window and an eagle flew onto my arm?”
Student #2: “Yeah! You could name it Charles!”
Student #3: “Actually, that would be two eagles.”
(Students #1 and #2 look at her blankly.)
Student #3: “Because ‘Charles’ is plural.”
(I am a high school science teacher giving a lesson on evolution.)
Me: “So, the only bodily fluids that can transmit HIV include blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk.”
Female Student: *grabs her breast* “Hey, how does that work anyway? How does milk get in these?”
Me: “You’re kidding, right?”
Female Student: “No.”
Me: “You make it.”
Female Student: “What?! We make milk?!”
Me: “Yeah. We’re mammals.”
Male Student: *bewildered* “Wow. Just… wow.”
(We’re talking about food chains in biology class.)
Girl #1: “Wait, what’s a gecko?”
Girl #2: “You know the lizard from the Geico commercials?”
Girl #1: *annoyed* “No, that’s a Geico!”
Teacher: “[Student], what does ‘me da igua’ mean?”
Student: “I don’t care.”
Teacher: “Good job!”
Student: “That was actually correct? Because I really don’t care.”
(I have to change my schedule at the beginning of the school year. The class I end up with is PE, so I get into our PE uniform only to find out they are at the swimming pool.)
Male Teacher: “What do you think you’re doing? Get back into the locker room and change into your swim wear!”
Me: “Sorry. I just got transferred into this class. I wasn’t informed that you were in the middle of swim. My last teacher was doing tennis.”
Male Teacher: “Fine, but bring your towel and swim wear tomorrow. You are swimming! Now walk around the pool the rest of class.”
(Unfortunately, the next morning I start my period and I am unable to use tampons at that time, so I once again come to class in my uniform.)
Male Teacher: “[My name], didn’t I tell you to bring your suit!?”
Me: *embarrassed* “I’m sorry, sir. I… um… I can’t swim today. Or for the next week.”
Male Teacher: “And why not?! Jesus, all you girls are the same. Always refusing to swim! You will be swimming today!”
Me: “Sir! I can’t swim! I can’t use… tampons. So unless you want to bio-hazard the pool, I suggest I walk the track for the week.”
(He turns bright red, apologizes about the whole ordeal, and explains he isn’t married and forgets that girls have a monthly cycle. For the rest of the semester, he never asked for an explanation when a female student said they couldn’t swim.)
