(My geometry teacher has recently purchased a laser pointer. He’s a bit eccentric, to say the least.)

Teacher: “And before I come to end of my lecture, I would like to—”

(The teacher suddenly interrupts his lecture while close to the door. He whips out his laser pointer and points it out the door into the English class in front of us. We all watch as the ENTIRE English class turns to look at the pointer. He waves it around, and the ENTIRE class follows it! After that, in the middle of lectures he would randomly shoot the laser pointer in there. The English teacher never noticed!)

(Our teacher is out and we’re watching a film. It’s got nothing to do with the curriculum so I let myself fall asleep. I wake up to find half the room destroyed and a student being dragged out of the room by the security officers and the principal. There are only a few people in the class so there are a lot of empty desks.)

Me: “What did I miss?”

Friend: “[Student] didn’t want to watch the film and started being annoying. The teacher asked him to stop but he said that you weren’t watching it so he wasn’t going to either. Then the teacher said that you weren’t bothering anyone while he was bothering her. [Student] started freaking out and throwing the desks around so the teacher called the officers. They tackled him, and now he’s going to the office.”

Me: “I always miss the good stuff.”

Friend: “You always cause the good stuff!”

(In rugby, ‘hooker’ is a front-row position, and is often given to one of the smaller members of the team, as it requires flexibility over strength. In my grade 11 year, our hooker is a grade 8 student with one of those K names that are so popular. There are three other girls on the team with a name similar enough to be confusing. Because of this, one of my classmates who is also on the team (and has a bit of a reputation for running her mouth and getting in fights) calls her ‘K-hooker’.)

Friend: *passing K in the hallway while with another grade 11 girl* “Hey, K-hooker.”

K-Hooker: “Hey.” *keeps walking*

Girl: *looks at friend, totally appalled* “Did you just call that little girl a hooker?”

Friend: “What?”

Girl: “I can’t believe you, [Friend]! How could you say something like that to her? She’s just a kid!”

Friend: “What? Wait, no! It’s a rugby position! She plays hook! That’s just her nickname. She knows what I meant by it.”

Girl: “Yeah, right. I can’t believe you. You’re such a b****, [Friend].”

Friend: “No! Well, yes, actually, but this time, no! Not in this!”

Teacher: “Okay, this week we’re going to be teaching about animal teeth and how they vary depending on what the animal eats. We’ll be using the various skulls I have so you students can get a hands-on look at the teeth. Each group is going to need the skull of a herbivore, carnivore, and omnivore. I’ll start assigning those now.”

Student: “Cool. Is this one a horse?”

Teacher: “Yes. That one’s Heidi. We had to have her put down about five years ago.”

(It turned out all three of the horse skulls she had were from horses she had actually owned, and she could still recognize which was which. Whenever they died she’d put the head in a tank with some flesh-eating insects and let them clean the skull off. To this day she’s still the coolest teacher I’ve ever had.)

(I am in science class, and we are finishing up a long project. Due to time constraints, the teacher decides to teach one person how to use the machine we will be needing, which will measure each group’s data. He decides to pick this person with a riddle. He draws a small square within a large square on the board. This is a magnet high school focused on math and science. Most of the kids here think in a very systematic, mathematical way.)

Teacher: “There is a three foot by three foot island containing treasure. Surrounding this square island is a bottomless chasm, three feet all the way around, forming another square. You have two pieces of wood, each one foot by a quarter of a foot. How do you get across the chasm to the island?”

Classmate #1: “You can put the boards at an angle and overlap them. They may be able to just bridge the gap.”

Teacher: “Not exactly.”

Classmate #2: “Can you cut the boards?”

Teacher: “No. Keep guessing.”

(The whole class sits there in silence. I make up my mind to answer sarcastically, just to see if I can get a laugh out of the class.)

Me: “Jump over the chasm. Three feet is only this wide.”

(I motion with my hands approximately three feet.)

Teacher: “And you are correct! Come here. Let me show you how to use the machine.”