(My US history teacher was a Vietnam army veteran with a deep passion for history. For our fourth quarter project, he lets us choose ANY topic from 1960-1980 to write a paper on, as long as we can focus on the history of it. After class I walk up to him a bit hesitantly.)

Me: “Um… Do you really mean ANYTHING we want?”

Teacher: “As long as you look at the history of it, yes.”

Me: “Oh. So I can do something about Star Wars?”

Teacher: “WHAT?!”

Me: “Like… the history of the making of Star Wars or something.”

Teacher: “You like that crap?”

Me: “Yeah, I love science fiction and fantasy and….”

Teacher: *looks at me like I have five heads*

Me: “Is that okay, though?”

Teacher: “You really like that crap?!”

Me: “Yup.”

Teacher: “If you really want to…”

(I got an ‘A’ on my paper on the making of ILM!)

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(Our hall monitor walks around with a megaphone, and is notorious for being a drill sergeant about dress code. There are rumors that he has a rule: If you are wearing low-riding pants, you can keep them as long as you can beat him in a race down the very long hallway without touching them. I never believed the rumors. One day my friends and I are hanging around before class starts.)

Friend: “What was that noise?”

(There is lots of unintelligible shouting and people start backing against the walls. Suddenly, I see the hall monitor bolting down the hallway, laughing gleefully. A few seconds after that come two boys hobbling along as fast as they can with their pants around their knees.)

Me: “Well, that’s THAT rumor settled!”

(I teach a curriculum assistance class which has students from 9th through 12th grades. The students are working in groups on a project. One of them has gotten a little off topic and is talking about cars.)

Male Student: “Hey, does anyone here have an Audi?”

Female Student: “I do! Oh, no, wait… I have an innie!”

(It’s the first week of school. A male student comes into the cafeteria and walks past the assistant principal, who is on lunch duty. The guy’s pants are pulled down some so that you could see a piece of his butt crack.)

Assistant Principal: “Hey, [Student]! Where do you think you’re going?”

Student: “Gonna get lunch.”

Assistant Principal: “Not like that, you’re not! Remember the student handbook?”

Student: “Yup.”

(We had all received a booklet with the school’s rules in it a few days prior to this.)

Assistant Principal: “Then you remember when it says, ‘Students are to wear bottoms high enough so that no undergarments are showing.’ Correct?”

Student: “But [Assistant Principal], I followed the rule.”

Assistant Principal: “How-”

Student: “Dude…” *he pauses for a moment* “I’m not wearing underpants. So they aren’t showing.”

(He walks to the lunch line, leaving the assistant principal dumbstruck.)

Assistant Principal: *to me* “Did that just happen?”

(He waited until the student finished his lunch, and then took him to the office.)

(I’m taking a Social Studies test, when I suddenly feel sick. I manage to make it to the washrooms and throw up. A classmate of mine walks in.)

Classmate: “You don’t look so good.”

Me: “I think I’m sick.”

(She notices my paler than usual face.)

Classmate: “You’re one of them.”

Me: “Who?”

Classmate: “Those Cullen wannabes! I know you’re secretly wanting to be a vampire.”

Me: “I actually hate those books.”

Classmate: “Oh, please. All those like you love those books.”

(I decided to let it go since I had another urge to puke. The whole time I heard her yelling ‘Cullen Wannabe!’)