Social Justice Warriors Are Kung Fu Fighting

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 29, 2019

My school was holding an overnight charitable event for students and staff. They had various fun activities organized, including karaoke in the auditorium. A group of young boys went up on stage to sing “Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas. At some point, the music cut abruptly, and the boys’ microphones were disabled. Then, a teacher walked up on stage and shooed them away.

The people in the audience were confused. A few of them surmised the performance was interrupted because the boys were singing terribly, but I didn’t quite buy that reasoning. They weren’t the first, and certainly not the last, to sing very poorly; there were people who sang worse than they did, and they were allowed to sing the full song of their choice.

It wasn’t until later that I paid closer attention to the last lyrics that were sung, and I quote,

“There were funky Chinamen from funky Chinatown.”

I suppose this could be construed as vaguely racist. I was the only Asian student at the event, and even I didn’t clue in immediately. But it’s the 21st century, and I guess some classics just don’t stand the test of time.

Takes More Than That To Make This Friendship Dead

, , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2019

One of my best friends always used to do this thing where we would say something, and she would then say, “Your mom’s [whatever we said].” For instance, when I was mentioning how hungry I was before lunch, she’d say, “Your mom’s hungry.” More often than not, it happened without her really processing what she’d heard and she’d blurt out her response. This was one of those moments.

In mid-November, my mother passed away. (You can probably already tell where this is going.) This incident took place in April. I was playing an action game on my phone before school in the cafeteria where we usually sat with a few of my other friends when she walked to our table. Just to mess with me, as I was tapping the screen to send my team to attack, she said, “You missed one!” My response, because it was the truth, was that it was because that character was dead. Her immediate reply was, “Your mom’s dead.”

The moment she finished her sentence, she realized what she’d said and the horror crossed over her face. She immediately started to apologize and hug me. Knowing that it was never her intention to hurt me and this was an automatic thing, I laughed it off and told her we were good. And we still are good to this day. She’s basically a sister I never got and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s Simply Mierda

, , , , | Learning | January 23, 2019

(I am a high school Spanish teacher. A colleague, who also teaches Spanish, asks me to supervise her class for a moment while she goes to the bathroom. The students are taking a test, and one student decides to see if he can get away with asking me a question about the test content:)

Student: “How do you say ‘simple’ in Spanish?”

Me: “I can’t answer that.”

Student: “S***.”

Me: “I can’t answer that either.”

Pranks: A Family Saga

, , , | Learning | January 22, 2019

(The high school I went to is the same one most of my family attended (dad, seven uncles, sister, brother, and too many cousins to count). I am one of the youngest out of all the kids with my sister being almost fifteen years older, and my brother who is nine. This happens at the meeting with our year advisor on the first day of year seven. When year twelves have their muck up day (where they play pranks) they always do something to raise money for charity with the principal’s permission.)

Year Advisor: *calling the role* “[My First and Last Name].”

Me: “Here.”

Year Advisor: “Oh, god, not another one. Which one of the [Last Name] do you belong to?”

Me: “[Dad].”

Year Advisor: “Oh, great Your dad blew up the science block, your sister kidnapped the principal, and your brother stole [History Teacher]’s car and drove it into the swimming pool, which is the reason we no longer have a pool. What trouble are you going to get into?”

(I’m too shocked to answer as I knew nothing about any of this and thankfully he moves on.)

Classmate: “What the h***? Who are you?”

(It turned out that the year 12 prank for my sister’s year was to hold the principal for $10,000 ransom which local businesses and people paid and it went to a local charity. They actually raised over $20,000! My brother had gotten permission to borrow the teacher’s car when needed, hadn’t told him that he was taking it, and had accidentally driven it into the pool (I never did get the full story). But no one would tell me exactly how my dad managed to blow up the whole science block. They were probably scared I’d do the same thing.)

Tangled Up In Bobs

, , , , | Learning | January 15, 2019

(I’m a high school teacher, and I’m also the advisor for a music appreciation club at my school. At the beginning of each club meeting, everyone gets a turn to talk about the music they’re currently listening to.)

Student #1: “I’ve been listening to Tangled Up in Blue by… um… Bob Marley?”

Me: “Bob Dylan!”

Student #2: “Two very different artists…”

(Various murmurs of agreement.)

Student #3: “Maybe we can get Bob Marley to do a cover of it.”

Me: “If you bring him back from the dead, sure!”

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