The Sound Of Silence

, , , , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(Our band director is spending the whole class period talking about scales and music theory. The first chair tuba pipes up and mentions how he memorizes particularly difficult scales with lots of sharps. And the director yells, saying that will only make it more difficult. Later in the period, he asks the band to see if anyone can play an extremely difficult scale he calls out using the confusing method he had presented. A couple of people try and fail. Then, the first chair tuba tries and plays it perfectly.)

Band Director: “That was brilliant! How did you do it?!”

Tuba: *explains method he mentioned earlier that the band director said was wrong*

(Silence.)

Band Director: “That doesn’t prove your point.”

(I rather think it did, and I will be using it in the future.)

Boys Can Both Have, And Be, Butt-holes

, , , , | Learning | April 9, 2019

(I am in my zoology honors class. We are talking about the anatomy of the lamprey.)

Teacher: “…the lamprey gets rid of liquid waste through the [scientific term]. It also releases sperm or eggs through the [scientific term].”

Male Student: “Where does the solid waste come out, then?”

Teacher: “Solid waste exits through the [other scientific term].”

Male Student: “So, they don’t have a butthole?”

Female Student: “Like boys!”

Male Student: “Excuse you! I do, too, have a butthole!”

(The whole class is cracking up. Even the teacher is trying to keep a smile off her face. Suddenly, the principal walks in.)

Principal: “What’s going on in here?”

Female Student: “Boys don’t have buttholes!”

(The principal just stared at [Female Student] for a long moment, and then backed slowly out of the room. The class erupts into laughter again.)

Mexican’t Deal With Your Attitude

, , , , , | Learning | April 7, 2019

(I’m a high school Spanish teacher, but I’m not Hispanic; I learned Spanish as a second language. I have one particular student in my class who shows little interest in the subject. One day, I call on him to answer a question.)

Student: “I don’t know! I’m not Mexican!”

Me: “Neither am I.”

The Score Is Not As High As A Kite

, , , , , , , , | Learning | April 5, 2019

In high school, in a freshman geometry class, we were given a weekend assignment to build a tetrahedral kite. We were instructed to gather our own supplies and we had a day of class time to build the kite itself. The instructions went into some detail about building a kite out of popsicle sticks, glue, and tissue paper.

Having been interested in kites and model building for a while, I promptly decided the instructions were basically useless. Entirely on my own, I came up with a design for the tetrahedral kite in the same dimensions that the instructions called for.

I used cut-to-length fast food drink straws as the structural members, tied into tetrahedrons with fishing line. Each straw had fishing line strung through it, and then fishing line was strung along the straws on the outside instead of inside, and the tension was then set by tying the strings loose but then drawing them to the center with a fishing line knot. It worked marvelously. I then very carefully glued squares of garbage bag to the straws with superglue. I tried plastic glue first, but superglue worked better. I ruined a few tetrahedrons before figuring out how to properly set good tension on the square of garbage bag — by taping the bag to a stick, I could draw it flat and tight on my tetrahedron while the glue set — and then cut with an Exacto knife to trim back once the glue was done.

A final round of stringing together was done with fishing line, and then more fishing line was used to make an anchor for the kite string.

I proudly brought my kite into school on kite flying day. Some students called my kite ugly. We went to fly our kites. The second best kite was owned by one of the girls, and she was flying it about as high as the flagpole. My kite was flying over the roof of the gymnasium. I wanted to see about going higher and or longer, but I ran out of kite string.

I was given a C — 75%. Teacher’s note said, “Did not follow directions.”

The Sugar-Crystal Skull

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 3, 2019

(I am in a culinary arts class that takes place in a small kitchen area. Students from a creative writing class recently used the space for a project that involved making calaveras, tiny human skulls made entirely out of granulated sugar and butter. They left behind a small mess for us to clean, including most of a malformed skull.)

Classmate: *pointing at mangled skull* “What should we do with this?”

Teacher: “Eh, that one’s a reject. You can just toss it.”

Classmate: “Can I have it?”

Teacher: “Sure.”

(That guy proceeded to eat the entire skull over the course of our class. Almost a cup of pure sugar and no flavorings.)

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