(I’m a freshman in my sixth hour elective during the first day of school. The teacher has combined the first, second, and third years of the class into one group. He is addressing the first class students.)

Teacher: “Over here are my [second and third class] students. Some of them are still on medication from what I did to them last year.”

Student: “Actually, I’m on more now.”

Teacher: “Yeah, that’s self inflicted. I have nothing to do with that.”

(I’m in an advanced American Sign Language class. My teacher is deaf, and the school provides an interpreter for her. One day, the usual interpreter is out sick. Her replacement is very inattentive, and neglects to interpret the morning announcements for my teacher. At some point in the class, my teacher signs something to her, and she starts to reply in very halting, awkward ASL, then stops and looks at me.)

Substitute: “How do you sign ‘student’?”

Me: “Um… like this.”

(It’s a very simple sign. I show her, then look at my teacher.)

Teacher: *signing* “Don’t worry, [Usual Interpreter] is coming back tomorrow. She’ll save us.”

(My class is discussing where we imagine ourselves to be in ten years time, as we are close to selecting our GCSE options. One girl stands up to share her idea.)

Girl #1: “So, I’m going to be a model, and I’m going to be dating a Chelsea footballer, because they’re really hot.”

Girl #2: “Yeah, but don’t footballers always cheat on their girlfriends?”

Girl #1: *shrugs* “…eh. We’ll get over it!”

(We are in maths, doing work on ‘similar triangles’: groups of triangles with the same angles, but different side lengths.)

Friend: “I feel like all these questions are exactly the same.”

Me: “No, but they’re similar!”

Friend: “Don’t make me punch you.”

(My science class has to design cars in groups. I voice my opinion of my car design to my group.)

Me: “I think we should get full marks just because we called it the ‘Swag-Mobile.'”