Divorced From The Idea

| CA, USA | Romantic | September 25, 2013

(I am in my philosophy class. There is a girl who, while really sassy, is not super social. One of the more obnoxious boys in class has managed to get her to give him a high-five.)

Boy: “That’s like the friendliest thing she’s ever done.”

Boy’s Friend: “Ooh, the two of you make a cute couple.”

Boy: “True love, right here.”

Boy’s Friend: “The two of you are going to get married. Calling it right now.”

Boy’s Friend #2: “[Boy’s name] and [girl’s name], 2014!”

Boy: “Hey, [teacher’s name], can you marry us?”

(This goes on for a while until the teacher manages to calm things down. On this particular day, the teacher is talking about different worldviews and, to compare them, he is discussing their views on divorce.)

Teacher: “So, I know none of you are married—”

Boy’s Friend #2: “Hey, they are!”

Teacher: “Right, so if the two of you were to get a divorce, say like you were fighting—”

(The boy feigns sadness. The girl, meanwhile, has been getting embarrassed by the whole thing.)

Girl: “For Pete’s sake, why are we still talking about this? Besides, I would never divorce him; I’d just murder him.”

(That at least got the teacher to drop it!)

A Fascinating Debate

| MD, USA | Learning | September 24, 2013

(In my US History class. We watch many videos on YouTube that sum up events in history.)

Video: “In other words, he was saying that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.”

Classmate: “Ugh. I hate that Star Trek crap.”

Me: “What are you talking about? Star Trek is amazing!”

Classmate: “It’s so boring.”

(My teacher, who has been watching us with a smile, finally speaks up.)

Teacher: “I find that highly illogical.”

Ninja’s Are Aware Of Their Surroundings

| KS, USA | Learning | September 24, 2013

(In 10th grade, I finish geometry a few months early, so I read in class. Because of this, I notice things during note-taking that other students don’t, because they have their heads down. Our teacher has dropped his marker and bends down behind the podium to pick it up.)

Student #1: “Where did [Teacher] go?”

Student #2: “I don’t know. Did he leave?”

Student #1: “Wouldn’t he have told us?”

(I’m staring at them with a ‘really?’ look on my face, when our teacher jumps up from behind the podium.)

Teacher: “I’m a ninja.”

Student #3: “You disappeared!”

Teacher: “I figured I could disappear and no one would notice! I was right.”

Pick The Chivalrous Side

| USA | Romantic | September 23, 2013

(A male friend of mine has invited me out. We are both 15, so his parents have to drive us. I walk to one side of the car, and he follows me. I think maybe he usually sits on that side, and so I walk to the other side of the car. He follows me again, and so I go back to the original side, and he follows yet again.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Friend: “I’m trying to open the door for you!”

(I blame past experience for assuming chivalry is dead!)

Time To Face The Music (Teacher)

| Chicago, IL, USA | Learning | September 20, 2013

(I am not allowed to audition for jazz band in my high school’s band. After my third year, my band teacher isn’t going to let me join, so I quit.)

Teacher: “What’s this?”

Me: “Transfer forums. I’m leaving your band.”

Teacher: “You’ll never amount to much without a band.”

(A few years and a degree later, I am asked to join a band and play a few shows. When I arrive, I see my old band teacher.)

Teacher: “What are you doing here?”

Me: *pulls out my saxophone case* “I’m playing here tonight.”

Teacher: “No way! You can’t play jazz.”

(At this point, the rest of the group has begun to listen in while setting up.)

Me: “How would you know? You never let me audition.”

(My old teacher can’t respond. The rest of the band tells us to cool it until afterwards. After the show, the group decides I am better than their usual sax player, and hires me on!)

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