(Some of my friends are talking about some guys.)
Friend #1: “He looked really good today.”
Friend #2: “Yeah. Well, he looks good when he’s wearing pants.”
(At this point I couldn’t control my laughter.)
Friend #2: “I actually meant when he’s wearing actual pants as in long pants.”
Me: “Yeah, I know, but it sounded so wrong!”
(This happens during a history lesson when we are meant to be working.)
Classmate: “Isn’t something like one out of three people Chinese?”
Me: “No, it’s one out of five.”
(I look around the room at the other 30 classmates and narrow my eyes conspiratorially.)
Me: *mocking seriousness* “It could be any one of us…”
(In tenth grade I missed a lot of school because of a weak immune system. This happens after missing over twenty days in two and a half months.)
Teacher: [My Name], what can I do to make you come to school more often?”
Me: “I don’t know? Make me not sick?”
Teacher: “You should still come if you’re sick.”
Me: “But… I have no reason to. I’d just be sent home.”
Teacher: “I’ll bribe you.”
Me: “With what?”
Teacher: “I’ll buy you a coffee if you come to school two weeks in a row without missing a day.”
Me: “Coffee makes me sick.”
Teacher: “Juice?”
Me: “Orange juice?”
Teacher: “Sure.”
(I got a cold two days later and never did manage to get a free juice.)
(My friends and I are having recess when this happens.)
Friend #1: *grabbing my arm* “Oh, [My Name]! Your arm is really smooth!” *starts stroking my arm*
Friend #2: “Let me see.” *grabs my other arm* “Oh, [Friend #1], they really are smooth!”
Me: “Uh, guys, maybe you should let go of my arms…”
Friend #3: *grabs my leg* “Yeah! And her legs are really smooth, too!”
Friend #1: *starts stroking my elbow* “Oh, but her elbows aren’t smooth!”
Me: “Well—”
Friend #2: *strokes my other elbow* “Yeah, [My Name], your elbows are really rough.”
Friend #3: *stroking my elbow as well* “Yeah, you should really moisturise them.”
Me: *wriggling out of their grasp* “You guys are so weird.”
Friend #2: “Well, it’s not our fault that your skin is so smooth!
Friend #1: “Except the elbows.”
Friend #3: *nodding* “Except the elbows.”
Me: “Thank you?”
(I walk into my English class to find we have a substitute teacher today. On the board the word ‘Media’ was never erased from our last lesson.)
Student #1: *enters the room looks at the sub and looks at the board* “Oh, at first I thought the board said ‘Madia,’ like that was your name or something.”
Student #2: “Ha, Mr. Madia. That sounds like an awesome name.”
Substitute: “I wish my last name was that cool.”
Student 2: “Can we call you that?”
(The sub actually did let the class call him Mr. Madia for the whole lesson!)
